I'm a person who gets bored easily, and therefore new experiences are something that I often enjoy. But even though my personality type (Activator Orange in the Personality IQ) thrives on unexplored territory, that doesn't mean that the thriving isn't often accompanied by equal jolts of the fear of the unknown.
It's a conundrum because at the same time that I crave the new, I am also a person who likes believing she is competent at what she does. Hmmm... Do you see my challenge? How can I feel competent at something I've never done before? And why on earth would I expect this of myself?
Yeah, I can't think of a good reason either. But it does seem to be what I expect. The very idea of not knowing what I'm doing can be daunting enough to keep me from trying something new. And if I don't master it quickly, I could be likely to give it up all together rather than face the uncomfortable klutzy feelings of a beginner.
Dumb, huh! I'm working on it though - and pushing myself to find klutzy just fine. It's a struggle - and I'm clearly not feeling competent at it yet - but I'm sticking with this new feeling. Why? There are just too many exciting things I haven't done yet - and I don't want to miss them all just because I have some unrealistic expectation of myself!
I've had a few experiences this last week that have helped me practice feeling okay with feeling dumb.
I've jumped into a sailing club with no boat and rusty, half-learned skills from lessons last year. Not only will I feel dumb in a boat, but I'll need to push myself to make social connections in this club as well. So I'll repeat my new mantra - klutzy is okay.
I'm building a website - with a program new to me and that's supposed to be intuitive, but seems to elude my intuition. I've figured out a lot on my own, but today decided to ask for help - realizing that an hour or two might well save 10-20 hours of struggling time. Klutzy is okay.
I'm trying to teach myself Italian so I can have more fun when I take a trip there later this summer. My tongue gets all tangled up in my teeth and even when I can hear the correct pronunciation, it just won't come out of my mouth. Klutzy va bene.
And the life I want to lead will be filled with many more adventurous new experiences that I just won't be able to master without feeling klutzy first. So I'm determined to focus on the real and tangible thrills of unchartered territory rather than on the angst of incompetence. Klutzy is just a sign that I'm living a full life!
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