Monday Moment - Smoother Sailing

"Do you want to know the secret of staying together?"

That's what the old sailor said just after we admired his 17-foot catamaran. As you can imagine, it was the kind of question that caught our attention.

We glanced quickly at each other and said - in unison - "Yeah! That's something we'd like to know!"

"It's simple," said the old salt. He looked at me. "You've got to make him think that you think he's a ten. In every way. In looks, brains, money, sex - everything."

He turned. "And you. You've got to make her think that you think she's a ten. All the time. Because the reality is sometimes you're going to be an asshole, and," he turned back to me. "You'll be a bitch."

"But you make him think you think he's a ten, and you make her think you think she's a ten - and you'll stay together."

"And then, whatever happens after that - it's not my fault."

Well I'm not usually a fan of unsolicited advice. In fact, one of the things we've been told is that sailors generally are friendly, but they aren't forward. They'll be glad to help and make suggestions when you ask, but they don't usually offer advice until you ask.

Apparently the 'friendly but not forward' sailors' creed is not one that our old guy ascribes to - and I have to say that his directive (because it was delivered in a far more 'thou shalt' manner than 'you might want to consider...') will ring in my ears for a long, long time.

It's so easy to get into negative habits of thinking about one's partner. Tiny disappointments can blossom into full blown animosity with darned little provocation in the daily dailiness of living with another human being. One person's failure to live up to unreasonable expectations can give the other a whole arsenal of ammunition to hurl right back.

Which reminds me of another gem of an idea that I learned long ago. If we'd think about our relationship as an actual boat - a relation-ship, we'd remember that while we're sitting in the same boat, it's not smart to hurl bombs back and forth at each other. At least not if we want that boat to stay afloat!

So much smarter to hurl "I think you're amazing and here's why!" I think our old salt is on to something, and I pledge - yes, again - to get my guy to think that I think he's a ten! I'm betting on smoother sailing in this relation-ship!

Monday Moment - Labor Day Weekend

Don't you love a three-day weekend? I do. Even when you have a lot on your calendar, it seems like it's more relaxing because you've got an extra day to do it all in.

It seems particularly nice at this time of year since it helps me transition from summer into my denial that fall and winter are coming. Oh I'll still be in denial for a good long while, but even so, I'm glad to have this transition day to anticipate the good things about the fall.

And there are lots of good things about fall. We'll have more summer harvest to enjoy along with apples, soups, casseroles - lots of tasty things we didn't want to heat up the kitchen with this summer. There will be crisp days, the bright colors of mums and leaves along with more muted and still lovely colors of fading flowers. Cider, fires in the fireplace, cozy sweaters, and a different rhythm to our work and play life. Lots of good things.

That's where I'm going to try to keep my focus - on the good things to come. Surely that will ease the melancholy I often feel in the fall - already missing the good things of summer. It's all good.

More next week... In the meantime, have a wonderful third day of your three-day weekend!