Monday Moment - Smoother Sailing

"Do you want to know the secret of staying together?"

That's what the old sailor said just after we admired his 17-foot catamaran. As you can imagine, it was the kind of question that caught our attention.

We glanced quickly at each other and said - in unison - "Yeah! That's something we'd like to know!"

"It's simple," said the old salt. He looked at me. "You've got to make him think that you think he's a ten. In every way. In looks, brains, money, sex - everything."

He turned. "And you. You've got to make her think that you think she's a ten. All the time. Because the reality is sometimes you're going to be an asshole, and," he turned back to me. "You'll be a bitch."

"But you make him think you think he's a ten, and you make her think you think she's a ten - and you'll stay together."

"And then, whatever happens after that - it's not my fault."

Well I'm not usually a fan of unsolicited advice. In fact, one of the things we've been told is that sailors generally are friendly, but they aren't forward. They'll be glad to help and make suggestions when you ask, but they don't usually offer advice until you ask.

Apparently the 'friendly but not forward' sailors' creed is not one that our old guy ascribes to - and I have to say that his directive (because it was delivered in a far more 'thou shalt' manner than 'you might want to consider...') will ring in my ears for a long, long time.

It's so easy to get into negative habits of thinking about one's partner. Tiny disappointments can blossom into full blown animosity with darned little provocation in the daily dailiness of living with another human being. One person's failure to live up to unreasonable expectations can give the other a whole arsenal of ammunition to hurl right back.

Which reminds me of another gem of an idea that I learned long ago. If we'd think about our relationship as an actual boat - a relation-ship, we'd remember that while we're sitting in the same boat, it's not smart to hurl bombs back and forth at each other. At least not if we want that boat to stay afloat!

So much smarter to hurl "I think you're amazing and here's why!" I think our old salt is on to something, and I pledge - yes, again - to get my guy to think that I think he's a ten! I'm betting on smoother sailing in this relation-ship!