Last Saturday night we attended a Halloween party. It was slated as a grown-up party, but it was astonishing to see just how many kids actually showed up! Oh the median age was undoubtedly well over 50, but these were kids all the same!
And it was very clear that these apparent adults had stepped out of their day-to-day lives well beyond the bounds of this one Saturday night. Plans had been laid, shopping had occurred, sewing machines had been dusted off, and I’m willing to bet a lot of kid-like giggles erupted just thinking about the event. Costumes like we saw don’t just arrive at one’s door. They have to be constructed!
Oh there were a few kids at this party who showed up with their ‘cool cards’ still firmly entrenched. Token Jack-o-lantern pins, Halloween socks, an orange scarf. These were the only concessions to childhood that some folks brought to the party – and probably they felt like chaperones. That’s what I felt like at last year’s gathering before I saw the full potential of acting like a kid again.
Some kids kept it simple – the women in flapper dresses who looked like little girls playing dress-up, their gangster dates, the gentleman in a tux with a Phantom of the Opera mask, the tourists in mis-matched shorts and Hawaiian shirts.
Some relied on topical humor – Mr. Wall Street with his golden parachute and Joe the Plumber. Gilligan, the Captain, the millionaires, the movie star, the Professor and MaryAnn. The pregnant hillbilly bride.
And who were we? Our costume emerged from a gathering of near strangers two months before. There were eight of us. What could we go as together? Let’s be Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs! What emerged was the kind of teamwork seen when kids play sandlot ball – all via email. Someone made hats – with our Dwarf names. Someone made belts. Someone else fashioned small – and safe – picks and shovels. We all managed to come up with beards, extra-extra large t-shirts and leggings. And then there was Snow. His Dwarf partner (Sneezy) fashioned an evocative ensemble in all the right colors – with just the right balance between sweetness and absurdity.
If you’re thinking that this whole experience was frivolous and childish, you’re only half right. It was absolutely frivolous. And it was child-like. Not childish. We played, danced, and paraded like children - making friends, not caring about appearances or status, having fun for the pure and simple sake of fun! There was a contest, in which all the fore-mentioned kids won prizes, but surely the real prize was the pure and simple fun.
Did we solve any world – or even personal problems? Nope. But did we face the world in the coming days with more verve, more excitement, more joy? Were we refreshed, rejuvenated, more hopeful? Were we more creative, energized, more prepared to see the world from a broader perspective? Oh I do believe we were.
We’ve long known that children learn through play. I wonder why we don’t more easily see that the same is true for adults. Hallelujah for Halloween which gave me and my friends the chance to be a kid again and reap the beneficence of play!
May you also en-joy a dose of playfulness and child-like fun in the coming week!
Sally
Monday, October 27, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Monday Moment - Seeking 'Flow'
Last week I taught the concept of ‘Flow’ to my child-care students, and it’s been on my mind ever since. The concept of Flow was developed by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi as part of his study of happiness, creativity, fun, and other lovely emotions that it must have been fabulous to study.
Essentially, Mihaly (I need to be on a first-name basis with this man for a very practical reason. I can’t pronounce his last name!) says that flow is that nirvana feeling we sometimes get when our skills match up with a challenge that we need to face. We get lost in whatever we’re doing, forget to eat, forget to sleep, and become totally absorbed in the task at hand. Flow is a kind of mindfulness, a full involvement – body, mind, spirit – with the challenge.
We talk about flow in my classes so my students will develop activities that are not too difficult for kids so the kids will feel frustrated and want to quit nor too easy so kids will become bored and want to create their own – often troublesome – fun. Challenges need to match skills for children to be engaged in the challenge and have the chance to achieve flow – and generally behave in ways that adults find appealing. We talk about matching challenge and ability also in terms of safety. Challenges that are too risky for a child’s skills are dangerous. Challenges that are too easy may entice kids to take unsafe risks for the sake of relieving their boredom. The challenge for after-school staff of course, is that each child has a different set of abilities and activities need to be constructed so each child can find that ‘just-right’ balance of ability and challenge.
So I’ve been thinking about flow in my own life. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about how I can get more of it! Because I like those moments of flow – those times when I am 100% engaged, when doing what I’m doing seems like the very most important thing I could possibly be doing.
As I’ve been thinking of those fully-alive moments of flow I’ve experienced, I realize that the particular balance of challenge and ability that works best for me is when I almost have the skills I need to face a challenge that I want and choose to face.
I suspect that Mihaly and I are on the same page with this notion since he also talks about continually upping the challenge and pushing the boundaries of our comfort zones. As my friend and mentor Sid Simon says, “up the risk!’ The experience of growing – and being able to see that growth right in front of my eyes – that’s surely part of any peak experience.
Mihaly also talks about clarity – being clear about what it is you want to do. I remember a work situation where an abundance of challenges awaited me, but they were no longer challenges that excited my passion and energy. I wanted new, different, other challenges instead.
Without question, the quest for flow is behind my commitment to goal-setting. When I set a goal, I choose the challenge and I stretch my abilities. I never mind too much if I don’t achieve 100% of my goal – when I know that I stretched and came closer than I would have without the goal. My current abilities – or drive – aren’t quite a match for the ambitious goals that I set. And yet, I grow, I am conscious of growing, and in the process, I often feel a sense of flow.
I’m reminded of a story that Jack Canfield tells about the year he set a goal to earn $100,000 when he’d previously ever earned only $18,000. He didn’t make his goal that year. But he wasn’t at all unhappy with the $96,000 he did earn. And I’ll bet he felt some flow as he sought to meet his goal!
What challenges bring out the flow in you? How can you up the risk to get more flow in your life – this very week?
Sally
Essentially, Mihaly (I need to be on a first-name basis with this man for a very practical reason. I can’t pronounce his last name!) says that flow is that nirvana feeling we sometimes get when our skills match up with a challenge that we need to face. We get lost in whatever we’re doing, forget to eat, forget to sleep, and become totally absorbed in the task at hand. Flow is a kind of mindfulness, a full involvement – body, mind, spirit – with the challenge.
We talk about flow in my classes so my students will develop activities that are not too difficult for kids so the kids will feel frustrated and want to quit nor too easy so kids will become bored and want to create their own – often troublesome – fun. Challenges need to match skills for children to be engaged in the challenge and have the chance to achieve flow – and generally behave in ways that adults find appealing. We talk about matching challenge and ability also in terms of safety. Challenges that are too risky for a child’s skills are dangerous. Challenges that are too easy may entice kids to take unsafe risks for the sake of relieving their boredom. The challenge for after-school staff of course, is that each child has a different set of abilities and activities need to be constructed so each child can find that ‘just-right’ balance of ability and challenge.
So I’ve been thinking about flow in my own life. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about how I can get more of it! Because I like those moments of flow – those times when I am 100% engaged, when doing what I’m doing seems like the very most important thing I could possibly be doing.
As I’ve been thinking of those fully-alive moments of flow I’ve experienced, I realize that the particular balance of challenge and ability that works best for me is when I almost have the skills I need to face a challenge that I want and choose to face.
I suspect that Mihaly and I are on the same page with this notion since he also talks about continually upping the challenge and pushing the boundaries of our comfort zones. As my friend and mentor Sid Simon says, “up the risk!’ The experience of growing – and being able to see that growth right in front of my eyes – that’s surely part of any peak experience.
Mihaly also talks about clarity – being clear about what it is you want to do. I remember a work situation where an abundance of challenges awaited me, but they were no longer challenges that excited my passion and energy. I wanted new, different, other challenges instead.
Without question, the quest for flow is behind my commitment to goal-setting. When I set a goal, I choose the challenge and I stretch my abilities. I never mind too much if I don’t achieve 100% of my goal – when I know that I stretched and came closer than I would have without the goal. My current abilities – or drive – aren’t quite a match for the ambitious goals that I set. And yet, I grow, I am conscious of growing, and in the process, I often feel a sense of flow.
I’m reminded of a story that Jack Canfield tells about the year he set a goal to earn $100,000 when he’d previously ever earned only $18,000. He didn’t make his goal that year. But he wasn’t at all unhappy with the $96,000 he did earn. And I’ll bet he felt some flow as he sought to meet his goal!
What challenges bring out the flow in you? How can you up the risk to get more flow in your life – this very week?
Sally
Monday, October 13, 2008
Monday Moment - To Fight No More!
Like many – perhaps even most Americans in this historic year – I’ve been glued to election news. I’m fascinated by the choices, the process, and the people. I respect and admire the intelligence and good will I see in candidates for national, state, and local office – even when I disagree with some of their statements.
Naturally I have some skepticism about promises made in the heat of a campaign. But there’s one promise that I hear from candidates at all levels that I believe and fear that they will keep. That promise? They will ‘fight’ – against yada yada, to yada yada, for me.
I do not want any candidate to fight for me. I want them to work, strive, persuade, question, listen, even argue, challenge and confront injustice. I do not want them to fight.
Do any of us send people to our capital cities to fight? I don’t think we do. Aren’t our three branches of government meant to check and balance each other – not to fight? And yet, haven’t we seen way too much fighting, belligerence, bickering, and feuds among the people we elect?
I know I’m being a little simplistic here. But our language is important. How we say something matters. Do we want our children – who are already exposed to way too much violence – learning that to fight is a lofty goal? Do we want the rest of the world – where I’d like Americans to be known as a peace-loving people – hearing our politicians promising to fight? Do we want those politicians to deliver on that promise? I don’t think so!
I’m not so naïve that I believe none of us should ever fight. When our lives are threatened, we have the right to fight. We should fight. In those dire circumstances when our national security is truly threatened, we have a right to fight. And we should fight. But fighting should be reserved for those dire circumstances and not used in every other sentence as candidates attempt to convince us that they are the best people for the job.
What do I want? I want all candidates to take a vow not to use the word ‘fight’ in their campaigns. I want them to be models for living peaceful and productive lives – lives that don’t include fighting and especially not with other Americans. I want candidates to be more thoughtful about the subliminal messages they send when they say they will ‘fight’ for us. I want them to use a thesaurus!
I don’t have a lot of hope that I’ll get what I want – in this or future campaigns. I doubt my capacity to influence a trend that seems to encompass every candidate and all their campaign managers. But in an effort to expand my sphere of influence, I will personally pledge to – as Gandhi said, “To be the change I want to see in the world.”
I intend to excise the word ‘fight’ from my personal lexicon. From now on, when that man I love and I see things differently, I will strive to see it as an opportunity to listen, persuade, and question rather than a fight. I will attempt to describe such events – even in my own head – as disagreements rather than fights. And I will attempt to similarly re-think encounters with anyone else with whom I might have a disagreement.
I don’t expect my goal to be easy. I’m as susceptible to habits of thinking as anyone else and the word ‘fight’ is deeply entrenched in my brain. But I do believe that my own personal effort – and perhaps yours as well if you, too, were willing to learn other ways to express whatever you’ve previously thought of as a fight – could do much to influence the peace of our planet. One thing I promise you. I will not ‘fight’ to achieve this new goal of mine!
May you attempt, strive, work for, earn, and achieve your highest goals this week! (And not ‘fight!’)
Sally
Naturally I have some skepticism about promises made in the heat of a campaign. But there’s one promise that I hear from candidates at all levels that I believe and fear that they will keep. That promise? They will ‘fight’ – against yada yada, to yada yada, for me.
I do not want any candidate to fight for me. I want them to work, strive, persuade, question, listen, even argue, challenge and confront injustice. I do not want them to fight.
Do any of us send people to our capital cities to fight? I don’t think we do. Aren’t our three branches of government meant to check and balance each other – not to fight? And yet, haven’t we seen way too much fighting, belligerence, bickering, and feuds among the people we elect?
I know I’m being a little simplistic here. But our language is important. How we say something matters. Do we want our children – who are already exposed to way too much violence – learning that to fight is a lofty goal? Do we want the rest of the world – where I’d like Americans to be known as a peace-loving people – hearing our politicians promising to fight? Do we want those politicians to deliver on that promise? I don’t think so!
I’m not so naïve that I believe none of us should ever fight. When our lives are threatened, we have the right to fight. We should fight. In those dire circumstances when our national security is truly threatened, we have a right to fight. And we should fight. But fighting should be reserved for those dire circumstances and not used in every other sentence as candidates attempt to convince us that they are the best people for the job.
What do I want? I want all candidates to take a vow not to use the word ‘fight’ in their campaigns. I want them to be models for living peaceful and productive lives – lives that don’t include fighting and especially not with other Americans. I want candidates to be more thoughtful about the subliminal messages they send when they say they will ‘fight’ for us. I want them to use a thesaurus!
I don’t have a lot of hope that I’ll get what I want – in this or future campaigns. I doubt my capacity to influence a trend that seems to encompass every candidate and all their campaign managers. But in an effort to expand my sphere of influence, I will personally pledge to – as Gandhi said, “To be the change I want to see in the world.”
I intend to excise the word ‘fight’ from my personal lexicon. From now on, when that man I love and I see things differently, I will strive to see it as an opportunity to listen, persuade, and question rather than a fight. I will attempt to describe such events – even in my own head – as disagreements rather than fights. And I will attempt to similarly re-think encounters with anyone else with whom I might have a disagreement.
I don’t expect my goal to be easy. I’m as susceptible to habits of thinking as anyone else and the word ‘fight’ is deeply entrenched in my brain. But I do believe that my own personal effort – and perhaps yours as well if you, too, were willing to learn other ways to express whatever you’ve previously thought of as a fight – could do much to influence the peace of our planet. One thing I promise you. I will not ‘fight’ to achieve this new goal of mine!
May you attempt, strive, work for, earn, and achieve your highest goals this week! (And not ‘fight!’)
Sally
Monday, October 6, 2008
Monday Moment for Health - The Last 85 Days
If my math is correct, today should mark 85 days till the end of 2008. Last week I committed to publishing my top goal to accomplish before the end of the year. Boy oh boy, there’s nothing like making a goal public to increase one’s commitment to achieving it. Suddenly I’m accountable to you as well as to myself. Yikes!
Believe me when I say that I gave careful consideration to which of my goals would get such public acknowledgement! I reviewed the roles I play and the 5-10 goals I set in each role at the beginning of 2008.
Some goals I was pleased to check off my list. Done! Hooray! My long kayak trip! My trip to Florida! My bathroom floor! Promoting and filling my child care classes!
On some goals I’ve made good progress and will likely complete by the end of the year. I’m over 80% on my way to swimming 100 miles. I maintain my 300 minutes a week exercise record. Ray and I go out on dates at least twice a month. I’ve been pretty diligent about writing something once a month for my writers group.
Some goals just haven’t proved realistic. Getting teachers in our community to contribute stories for a book about our Character Education Initiative just hasn’t fired anyone’s passion but my own – and that not enough to do alone. Some goals were great ideas when I set them, but I haven’t been able to maintain my initial excitement for them – planting 20 new trees, buying a new – and hot – car, a variety of writing projects.
But some goals do indeed represent an aim that I want or need to achieve, but just haven’t yet received the attention they deserve. I’ve decided to focus my efforts on two of those goals in the 85 days I have left before 2008 will be a memory.
First, I will resume my quest to drop weight. Oh I know. We’re heading into high-calorie time, and that will make it harder. But I did very well in the early part of the year, dropping about 10 pounds, and then I lost momentum. I’m going to aim at a modest loss of 5 or more pounds in the next 85 days. I can do this. I know how. And now I’m accountable to you as well as to myself.
Second, I am going to finish re-writing and updating my book, Find the Love of Your Life! I’ve sold nearly 500 copies since it was published in 2000, and it’s time to put out the second edition. I’ve found though, that a straight re-printing is not what I want to do. I’ve changed and grown since I wrote the first edition, the world of meeting people has changed, and I know I can help folks successfully navigate the internet process of meeting a prospective partner. After all, I’ve done it – my method of finding love has worked – twice! I’m over halfway through the re-write process, and I commit to have this second edition ready for publication by the end of December, 2008.
There – two goals that I can and will achieve. Knowing that you know what I’m aiming at will help me stay on target. As will focus. I know that if I attempt to do fifteen things, I won’t do those things as well as if I were to focus on just one or two. William James says that to make a change – which is what meeting a goal certainly is – you must 1) Start immediately, 2) Do it flamboyantly (as in sending a blog to the world) and 3) Make no exceptions.
So tonight while Antique Road Shows is on television, I’ll be listing everything I ate today and working on Chapter 7. What will you be doing tonight – and for the next 85 days?
Sally
Believe me when I say that I gave careful consideration to which of my goals would get such public acknowledgement! I reviewed the roles I play and the 5-10 goals I set in each role at the beginning of 2008.
Some goals I was pleased to check off my list. Done! Hooray! My long kayak trip! My trip to Florida! My bathroom floor! Promoting and filling my child care classes!
On some goals I’ve made good progress and will likely complete by the end of the year. I’m over 80% on my way to swimming 100 miles. I maintain my 300 minutes a week exercise record. Ray and I go out on dates at least twice a month. I’ve been pretty diligent about writing something once a month for my writers group.
Some goals just haven’t proved realistic. Getting teachers in our community to contribute stories for a book about our Character Education Initiative just hasn’t fired anyone’s passion but my own – and that not enough to do alone. Some goals were great ideas when I set them, but I haven’t been able to maintain my initial excitement for them – planting 20 new trees, buying a new – and hot – car, a variety of writing projects.
But some goals do indeed represent an aim that I want or need to achieve, but just haven’t yet received the attention they deserve. I’ve decided to focus my efforts on two of those goals in the 85 days I have left before 2008 will be a memory.
First, I will resume my quest to drop weight. Oh I know. We’re heading into high-calorie time, and that will make it harder. But I did very well in the early part of the year, dropping about 10 pounds, and then I lost momentum. I’m going to aim at a modest loss of 5 or more pounds in the next 85 days. I can do this. I know how. And now I’m accountable to you as well as to myself.
Second, I am going to finish re-writing and updating my book, Find the Love of Your Life! I’ve sold nearly 500 copies since it was published in 2000, and it’s time to put out the second edition. I’ve found though, that a straight re-printing is not what I want to do. I’ve changed and grown since I wrote the first edition, the world of meeting people has changed, and I know I can help folks successfully navigate the internet process of meeting a prospective partner. After all, I’ve done it – my method of finding love has worked – twice! I’m over halfway through the re-write process, and I commit to have this second edition ready for publication by the end of December, 2008.
There – two goals that I can and will achieve. Knowing that you know what I’m aiming at will help me stay on target. As will focus. I know that if I attempt to do fifteen things, I won’t do those things as well as if I were to focus on just one or two. William James says that to make a change – which is what meeting a goal certainly is – you must 1) Start immediately, 2) Do it flamboyantly (as in sending a blog to the world) and 3) Make no exceptions.
So tonight while Antique Road Shows is on television, I’ll be listing everything I ate today and working on Chapter 7. What will you be doing tonight – and for the next 85 days?
Sally
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