I had one of those experiences yesterday evening that I always say I’m going to do more often – and too often don’t. Like many of us, I get caught up in the day-to-day and wish I could keep up with old friends. But I don’t usually get around to issuing the invitation so that the wish turns into a reality. Except this time I did – and it left me wanting more!
Sharyn was one of the first people I met when I first moved to this area over thirty years ago. She went out of her way to include me in her daughters’ birthday parties, holidays, and gatherings – and I prodded until she brought her girls – then one- and two-years old to a Family Camp that I organized. She – and her three daughters became dear friends.
And yet, sometimes months and years would go by when we wouldn’t see each other. We live only fifteen minutes apart, but it’s just far enough so that we don’t shop at the same grocery store – which in our community is where everyone runs into everyone else eventually. And our circles of activities and acquaintances didn’t often intersect.
We did run into each other sometime in the last twelve months and said, “We really have to get together.” And still no action from either of us to make it happen. As I wrote my holiday cards and letters this year, I made a little resolution to change that – with Sharyn as well as other good friends I don’t see nearly often enough. So in addition to the usual, ‘hope we can get together in 2009,’ phrase that I always include, I started suggesting an actual date when that might happen.
Yesterday with Sharyn and two of her three daughters was the first 2009 date that came to fruition. And it was a delightful time. We had dinner, caught up on all our lives, shared some memories of the girls’ growing up years, and even tried rearranging Sharyn’s living room on her request. What fun!
So far, we’ve got two more definites and one tentative date set up with other old friends, and I’m determined to keep up the practice. I don’t let myself worry about the details. Will I cook? Will they? Will I need to clean my house? Shall we go out? Let’s just get the date on our mutual calendars and the details will take care of themselves.
I certainly enjoy all my cyber-connections as well, but there really is nothing quite like an evening hanging out in the same room with old friends! I highly recommend it!
Who would you like to see for an actual evening in the same room? When will you ask?
Sally
Monday, January 26, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Monday Moment - A Scary Book
I finished a novel this morning – a book I’d put off reading because of its difficult subject matter, but one I now think that every parent, teacher, bus driver, playground or cafeteria monitor ought to read. The book is Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Piccoult, which tells the story of nineteen minutes during which one student killed ten others, wounded more, and terrified all residents of a small New Hampshire town.
The shooting is of course tragic and frightening, but the story that Piccoult tells of the shooter’s childhood of victimization at the hands of his classmates – that’s what might keep me awake at night.
It’s a novel, so I tell myself that Piccoult might have exaggerated the brutality of school – for this young man and even for the ‘popular’ kids who saw themselves as one mistake away from falling from grace. I tell myself that ‘it can’t happen here’ in my community because we embarked on a character education initiative to instill positive social values like respect and caring in our students over ten years ago. I tell myself that kids can be braver than we see in the book, and that adults are more aware.
And yet despite what I tell myself, I fear. I fear because Piccoult describes in such compelling fashion – without excusing either the shooting or the bullying that led up to it – that every child and every family were victims and nobody got out unscathed.
The thing that may perhaps calm my fear – beyond the blessed numbing that does come with time and having to face daily life – is that in Piccoult’s story, the shooting did not need to happen. Had adults stepped in effectively and decisively on the first day of kindergarten and on dozens of other occasions in this young man’s school life, had adults taught all children that to bully and intimidate another is not acceptable and can have awful consequences for both the bully and the bullied, had adults taught children how to engage real courage, then tragedy could have been averted.
Of course then Piccoult wouldn’t have a story to tell. But I fervently hope her story will not be repeated in any real-life community because adults are doing all they can to prevent it. I want to believe that adults are teaching children to be kind – and are paying close enough attention to correct children when they succumb to cruelty.
The fear comes back because I know that even then – when the very best of intention for every child has been put to excellent use – even then the unspeakable can happen. But just in case? Please ask every parent and educator you know to read this book – and then to do everything they can to protect all children from bullies as well as bullets.
May you have a safe and helpful week.
Sally
PS – I’ve updated my website and by popular request have included 10 Great Quotes on goal-setting this month. Take a look at www.healthypeoplelearn.com!
The shooting is of course tragic and frightening, but the story that Piccoult tells of the shooter’s childhood of victimization at the hands of his classmates – that’s what might keep me awake at night.
It’s a novel, so I tell myself that Piccoult might have exaggerated the brutality of school – for this young man and even for the ‘popular’ kids who saw themselves as one mistake away from falling from grace. I tell myself that ‘it can’t happen here’ in my community because we embarked on a character education initiative to instill positive social values like respect and caring in our students over ten years ago. I tell myself that kids can be braver than we see in the book, and that adults are more aware.
And yet despite what I tell myself, I fear. I fear because Piccoult describes in such compelling fashion – without excusing either the shooting or the bullying that led up to it – that every child and every family were victims and nobody got out unscathed.
The thing that may perhaps calm my fear – beyond the blessed numbing that does come with time and having to face daily life – is that in Piccoult’s story, the shooting did not need to happen. Had adults stepped in effectively and decisively on the first day of kindergarten and on dozens of other occasions in this young man’s school life, had adults taught all children that to bully and intimidate another is not acceptable and can have awful consequences for both the bully and the bullied, had adults taught children how to engage real courage, then tragedy could have been averted.
Of course then Piccoult wouldn’t have a story to tell. But I fervently hope her story will not be repeated in any real-life community because adults are doing all they can to prevent it. I want to believe that adults are teaching children to be kind – and are paying close enough attention to correct children when they succumb to cruelty.
The fear comes back because I know that even then – when the very best of intention for every child has been put to excellent use – even then the unspeakable can happen. But just in case? Please ask every parent and educator you know to read this book – and then to do everything they can to protect all children from bullies as well as bullets.
May you have a safe and helpful week.
Sally
PS – I’ve updated my website and by popular request have included 10 Great Quotes on goal-setting this month. Take a look at www.healthypeoplelearn.com!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Monday Moment - Sharpening Me Goals for 2009
January is when I lay out my ambitious goals for the year – so I start the year by looking back. How did I do on my goals for 2008 and what can I learn from my experiences last year to set better and more effective goals for 2009? In every role that I play in my life?
This week, I’m thinking about the role I consider the most important – taking care of and Sharpening Sally (because nobody else will attend to this enormous task better than I can). I set some big, big goals in 2008. Let’s recap:
- Intentionally exercise 300 minutes a week – What a terrific goal this has been. I have failed to achieve a 300 minute weekly average for two years in a row. But I raised my 2008 average by 5 minutes over my 2007 average! Yea! And would I have averaged 267 minutes a week without setting the goal? I doubt it! So to sneak closer to a 300 minute average, I believe I need to up the ante. I’m aiming at 325 in 2009! (Yikes! And this is how I know I’ve set a good goal. If it’s not a little scary, I’m not stretching enough!)
- Swim 100 miles. Hooray! I did it! And actually beat the goal by a mile! This feels good because I achieved 100 miles a year for about 6 years running – until I had knee surgery in 2005. It took me two years of much lower mileage before I got back into the swing of 100 miles. I have to admit that it’s easier for me to get to the pool in December when I know I only have 3 more miles to finish than it is for me to knock off those first 25 miles. But 100 miles in 2009 – that’s my goal, scary or not!
- Lose 23 pounds. Oh well. I’m still struggling. I lost ten! And gained about four back. Not good enough in my mind, hence the increased exercise. Fourteen seems like a good number to shoot for in 2009. I’ll weigh in tomorrow and set my weekly goals accordingly.
- Record the books I read. I started strong and strayed the last few months of 2008. I did more than record, I wrote a synopsis of each book, and that got fairly tedious. I believe I’ll just do a list this year, and I’ll create it on my exercise spread sheet so it will be easier for me to do.
- Get 3 Massages. Nope. Got one. And loved it. I’ll aim at 3 again this year.
- Consolidate Financial Portfolio. Did it. And enjoyed having everything in one place – even if that everything became a lot less than it was earlier in the year.
- Attend Workshop or Conference. This was a nice idea, but not specific enough. Without the specificity, I could weasel out with a conference where I presented instead of attended or accept the 21st Century Grant Review Process as meeting the goal. When neither was the intent of the goal. In 2009, I want to learn to do stained glass. Not sure where or when, but that’s the specific learning I’m going for – and unlike my 2008 goal, I’ll know if I do it or not.
- Use hand-weights 4 times a week. Nope. Didn’t do it. More like occasionally. I’ve started again in 2009 and I’ll be shooting for a habit because everything I read tells me how important strength training is. Every other day. 4 times a week. Good goal. Gotta get to it.
That’s the recap and here are additional goals I’m adding to my 2009 list.
- Hoop 4 days a week. Remember a couple weeks ago when I wrote about building hula hoops? Well I now have one that’s empty and one that’s filled with 3 pounds of rice and that I can barely use for 5 minutes at a time. I’m enlisting Ray’s help to build more of varying weights and my plan is to work up to being able to use a 3-pounder for at least 10 minutes a day unless I’m traveling. (Hoops just won’t go in the suitcase!) So far, hooping has been a great way to break up other less interesting indoor exercise. I just added a spread sheet so I’ll know if I did this one too. (Ditto with the hand-weight goal)
- Complete at least one crossword puzzle a week. Hey, I’m already doing this one, so why not let myself take credit for it? I do think it sharpens me – especially when I’m tackling the big daddy crosswords!
- Avoid injury and illness! During a few weeks in 2008, it was really hard to convince myself that I should get up off the couch. A turned ankle, a nasty cold, an aching back are enough to derail all my other healthy goals. So I will exercise caution and good sense, wash my hands a lot, fasten my seat belt every time, walk carefully on snow, ice, and carpet, and work hard but not too hard in order to keep myself well enough to care about being even healthier!
Big learnings? Being specific helps – and so does keeping a record if it’s easy to do. There’s something rewarding about recording an accomplishment – and there’s something compelling about getting off one’s butt when the record looks incomplete. It’s also clear that my goals need to be both ambitious enough to stretch me and achievable enough so I won’t get discouraged and quit.
My sharpening goals have been working for me – and I’m certain that the refinements and additions I’ve made will help my 2009 goals sharpen me into a better and healthier me in the coming year.
What goals are you setting to make 2009 a healthier – and therefore happier year – for yourself because nobody else will take on the job of sharpening you?
Sally
This week, I’m thinking about the role I consider the most important – taking care of and Sharpening Sally (because nobody else will attend to this enormous task better than I can). I set some big, big goals in 2008. Let’s recap:
- Intentionally exercise 300 minutes a week – What a terrific goal this has been. I have failed to achieve a 300 minute weekly average for two years in a row. But I raised my 2008 average by 5 minutes over my 2007 average! Yea! And would I have averaged 267 minutes a week without setting the goal? I doubt it! So to sneak closer to a 300 minute average, I believe I need to up the ante. I’m aiming at 325 in 2009! (Yikes! And this is how I know I’ve set a good goal. If it’s not a little scary, I’m not stretching enough!)
- Swim 100 miles. Hooray! I did it! And actually beat the goal by a mile! This feels good because I achieved 100 miles a year for about 6 years running – until I had knee surgery in 2005. It took me two years of much lower mileage before I got back into the swing of 100 miles. I have to admit that it’s easier for me to get to the pool in December when I know I only have 3 more miles to finish than it is for me to knock off those first 25 miles. But 100 miles in 2009 – that’s my goal, scary or not!
- Lose 23 pounds. Oh well. I’m still struggling. I lost ten! And gained about four back. Not good enough in my mind, hence the increased exercise. Fourteen seems like a good number to shoot for in 2009. I’ll weigh in tomorrow and set my weekly goals accordingly.
- Record the books I read. I started strong and strayed the last few months of 2008. I did more than record, I wrote a synopsis of each book, and that got fairly tedious. I believe I’ll just do a list this year, and I’ll create it on my exercise spread sheet so it will be easier for me to do.
- Get 3 Massages. Nope. Got one. And loved it. I’ll aim at 3 again this year.
- Consolidate Financial Portfolio. Did it. And enjoyed having everything in one place – even if that everything became a lot less than it was earlier in the year.
- Attend Workshop or Conference. This was a nice idea, but not specific enough. Without the specificity, I could weasel out with a conference where I presented instead of attended or accept the 21st Century Grant Review Process as meeting the goal. When neither was the intent of the goal. In 2009, I want to learn to do stained glass. Not sure where or when, but that’s the specific learning I’m going for – and unlike my 2008 goal, I’ll know if I do it or not.
- Use hand-weights 4 times a week. Nope. Didn’t do it. More like occasionally. I’ve started again in 2009 and I’ll be shooting for a habit because everything I read tells me how important strength training is. Every other day. 4 times a week. Good goal. Gotta get to it.
That’s the recap and here are additional goals I’m adding to my 2009 list.
- Hoop 4 days a week. Remember a couple weeks ago when I wrote about building hula hoops? Well I now have one that’s empty and one that’s filled with 3 pounds of rice and that I can barely use for 5 minutes at a time. I’m enlisting Ray’s help to build more of varying weights and my plan is to work up to being able to use a 3-pounder for at least 10 minutes a day unless I’m traveling. (Hoops just won’t go in the suitcase!) So far, hooping has been a great way to break up other less interesting indoor exercise. I just added a spread sheet so I’ll know if I did this one too. (Ditto with the hand-weight goal)
- Complete at least one crossword puzzle a week. Hey, I’m already doing this one, so why not let myself take credit for it? I do think it sharpens me – especially when I’m tackling the big daddy crosswords!
- Avoid injury and illness! During a few weeks in 2008, it was really hard to convince myself that I should get up off the couch. A turned ankle, a nasty cold, an aching back are enough to derail all my other healthy goals. So I will exercise caution and good sense, wash my hands a lot, fasten my seat belt every time, walk carefully on snow, ice, and carpet, and work hard but not too hard in order to keep myself well enough to care about being even healthier!
Big learnings? Being specific helps – and so does keeping a record if it’s easy to do. There’s something rewarding about recording an accomplishment – and there’s something compelling about getting off one’s butt when the record looks incomplete. It’s also clear that my goals need to be both ambitious enough to stretch me and achievable enough so I won’t get discouraged and quit.
My sharpening goals have been working for me – and I’m certain that the refinements and additions I’ve made will help my 2009 goals sharpen me into a better and healthier me in the coming year.
What goals are you setting to make 2009 a healthier – and therefore happier year – for yourself because nobody else will take on the job of sharpening you?
Sally
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