Monday Moment - Paths Taken and Not

I had a rare – for me at least – experience last night, a chance to revisit my past. For twelve years early in my career, I served as a county-based 4-H professional, managing a children’s camp, working with teens and volunteers, planning non-formal learning for kids through 4-H Club experiences. It was rich and satisfying work that I anticipated I would do for the rest of my working life. I saw myself as a ‘lifer.’

One of the reasons I loved my work was the network of other 4-H professionals I became privileged to know. I came together with these folks at state and national conferences once a year and formed many deep friendships and even more closer-than-just-passing acquaintances. These people understood my life – and I understood theirs. We shared many values, and the stories we told had common themes to which we all could relate – which isn’t something our more geographically close friends and families could always say. And besides, these 4-H folk knew how to have fun! I loved going to state and national conferences!

Twelve years in, though, and I felt a need for change. Challenges remained in 4-H work, of course, but they weren’t challenges I’d ever choose for myself – major fundraising and capital building projects for camp, for instance. And new opportunities for me to affect healthy behavior changes enticed. I followed the new opportunities – but not without a few pangs. I knew I’d miss many things – including the fellowship of other 4-H professionals. Since that time – 20 years ago next March – I’ve become slightly re-connected with various short-term 4-H consulting projects, but never again immersed like I was in my early career. (A good thing because sometimes in the old days, I very nearly drowned in my work!)

Which brings us to last night’s experience. The National Association of Extension 4-H Educators – the professional organization that brought me so much fun and meaning – is meeting this week in Rochester, NY. Just 40 minutes from my home. When they asked for volunteers, how could I not step up? A chance to see some old friends, to hear and dance to a great band, and, as it turned out, to reflect on life’s paths – those taken and those not taken.

Well. It was fun! And it was weird! It was a Thomas Wolfe experience. Can one go home again? I’m still figuring that one out! Because in some ways, it did feel like home. And in others, it felt like I’d landed on an alien planet!

So interesting to observe the changes in myself. And in others! I anticipated there would be more people I didn’t know than people I did – and that expectation was accurate. Many folks I knew have retired, and younger folks have taken their place. I even expected to recognize some faces but not remember their names – and that they might reciprocate the feeling of “I think I know you, but...”

What I didn’t expect – or at least as much as it hit me in the face – was how much older so many people looked! From inside my head, I look much the same as I did twenty years ago (at least when fully clothed and except for the red hair my stylist and I have been having fun with in the last year.) Not so for some of my colleagues! Who were these people? These old people! All those glasses, all that gray hair – or none at all – all that extra girth! Odd though. Some folks didn’t seem to recognize me either. Huh. Could the years be telling on me as well? Surely not. Must be those folks need new glasses!

Aging issues aside (please) I couldn’t help reflecting on the paths I’ve chosen – and the paths chosen by former colleagues, paths that I might also have chosen had this or that circumstance in my life been different at the time. It was tempting to wonder – as the band played “We Are Family” and I wasn’t anymore – if I chose the best path for my life and what my life would be like if I had chosen differently lo these many years ago. I didn’t wonder long though, because, would I trade all the joys – or even the sorrows – or my last twenty years for that once-a-year feeling of family? Not a chance.

Choices I made in my career seem linked to choices I made in other arenas of my life – love, partnership, travel, personal growth, even kayaking and sailing – all precious beyond words to me. I’m glad I made the choices I made, glad for former colleagues who chose differently than I did, glad too for the jump start on reflection that last night’s experience gave me. No unexamined life for me!

On reflection, I can’t say mine has been the road less traveled, because who knows how many folks might have shared similar choices to change their path. I will say that mine has not been the road of least resistance, and that, certainly, has made all the difference.

My wish for you this week is for some impetus to jump start your own reflections and to find reason for gladness in the choices you’ve made along your own unique path!