Healthy People Learn!

Monday Moment - Stop the Fighting

2011-01-10T20:06:00.001-08:00

This is an old soapbox for me, one I’ve written about it this venue before. But the events of last weekend and horrible, hateful loss of life brings it into focus again.

I’ve read or listened to politicians’ statements decrying the actions of Jared Lee Loughner – and I’m sure I missed more statements than I caught. What I wonder is whether any of those elected officials will comprehend that they also bear responsibility for fanning the fires of hate and incivility in this country.

It’s not that I believe that any of our elected public servants is happy that six people died and fourteen others have been injured – including one of their own. As the young man who appears to be responsible faces trial for his apparent crimes, I’m sure we’ll find many targets for our pointing fingers. I don’t expect elected officials to be among those targets. But, how does a twenty-two year old develop such an attitude of hate that he would open fire in a Safeway parking lot? I can’t imagine there’s a simple answer.

But I can and do believe that our country’s political climate which has steadily grown in hostility and venom had to play a contributing role. And it seems to me that’s something we can change. If we can muster the political will and discipline.

So I’m making a plea to my elected officials – and maybe you’ll extend the plea to your own. (Find their email addresses at www.usa.gov/Contact/Elected.shtml) I’ve despaired of getting this point across with enough volume to be heard. But now, with Gabrielle Giffords in critical condition, perhaps their hearing might be more acute. And if you were to add your voice, well, maybe my plea wouldn’t just be a cry in the wilderness.

This is what I want my elected officials – and yours – to hear.

It’s a simple request. Excise the word “fight” and all violent references – even if only symbolic – from your public and private discourse. Will that shift our savage political culture back toward mutual respect? Gosh, I don’t know. But what would it cost you to find out? Not a single blood-free dollar. And just imagine that maybe some susceptible kid might not get the idea that fighting is a reasonable approach to disappointment or disagreement. Just imagine that possibility.

I don’t need to tell you that words matter, do I? You, who have taken oaths to support and defend the Constitution, that you will bear true faith and allegiance to the same?

Defend, by all means. Argue all you want. Acknowledge disagreements. Then work it out - without fighting to justify your position. Work! That’s what we pay you for. We pay other people to do our fighting and we’re grateful for their sacrifices. You? We don’t pay you to fight and we’d really, really, really like it if you’d stop it – whether you’re trying to get elected or already in office. We pay you to lead.

So give it a chance, will you? Lead a verbal revolution and who knows what might happen? Maybe, just maybe a new era of civility in this country we love. And maybe my vote in your next election too. I’ll be listening.

Sally

Monday Moment - Paths Taken and Not

2009-10-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

I had a rare – for me at least – experience last night, a chance to revisit my past. For twelve years early in my career, I served as a county-based 4-H professional, managing a children’s camp, working with teens and volunteers, planning non-formal learning for kids through 4-H Club experiences. It was rich and satisfying work that I anticipated I would do for the rest of my working life. I saw myself as a ‘lifer.’

One of the reasons I loved my work was the network of other 4-H professionals I became privileged to know. I came together with these folks at state and national conferences once a year and formed many deep friendships and even more closer-than-just-passing acquaintances. These people understood my life – and I understood theirs. We shared many values, and the stories we told had common themes to which we all could relate – which isn’t something our more geographically close friends and families could always say. And besides, these 4-H folk knew how to have fun! I loved going to state and national conferences!

Twelve years in, though, and I felt a need for change. Challenges remained in 4-H work, of course, but they weren’t challenges I’d ever choose for myself – major fundraising and capital building projects for camp, for instance. And new opportunities for me to affect healthy behavior changes enticed. I followed the new opportunities – but not without a few pangs. I knew I’d miss many things – including the fellowship of other 4-H professionals. Since that time – 20 years ago next March – I’ve become slightly re-connected with various short-term 4-H consulting projects, but never again immersed like I was in my early career. (A good thing because sometimes in the old days, I very nearly drowned in my work!)

Which brings us to last night’s experience. The National Association of Extension 4-H Educators – the professional organization that brought me so much fun and meaning – is meeting this week in Rochester, NY. Just 40 minutes from my home. When they asked for volunteers, how could I not step up? A chance to see some old friends, to hear and dance to a great band, and, as it turned out, to reflect on life’s paths – those taken and those not taken.

Well. It was fun! And it was weird! It was a Thomas Wolfe experience. Can one go home again? I’m still figuring that one out! Because in some ways, it did feel like home. And in others, it felt like I’d landed on an alien planet!

So interesting to observe the changes in myself. And in others! I anticipated there would be more people I didn’t know than people I did – and that expectation was accurate. Many folks I knew have retired, and younger folks have taken their place. I even expected to recognize some faces but not remember their names – and that they might reciprocate the feeling of “I think I know you, but...”

What I didn’t expect – or at least as much as it hit me in the face – was how much older so many people looked! From inside my head, I look much the same as I did twenty years ago (at least when fully clothed and except for the red hair my stylist and I have been having fun with in the last year.) Not so for some of my colleagues! Who were these people? These old people! All those glasses, all that gray hair – or none at all – all that extra girth! Odd though. Some folks didn’t seem to recognize me either. Huh. Could the years be telling on me as well? Surely not. Must be those folks need new glasses!

Aging issues aside (please) I couldn’t help reflecting on the paths I’ve chosen – and the paths chosen by former colleagues, paths that I might also have chosen had this or that circumstance in my life been different at the time. It was tempting to wonder – as the band played “We Are Family” and I wasn’t anymore – if I chose the best path for my life and what my life would be like if I had chosen differently lo these many years ago. I didn’t wonder long though, because, would I trade all the joys – or even the sorrows – or my last twenty years for that once-a-year feeling of family? Not a chance.

Choices I made in my career seem linked to choices I made in other arenas of my life – love, partnership, travel, personal growth, even kayaking and sailing – all precious beyond words to me. I’m glad I made the choices I made, glad for former colleagues who chose differently than I did, glad too for the jump start on reflection that last night’s experience gave me. No unexamined life for me!

On reflection, I can’t say mine has been the road less traveled, because who knows how many folks might have shared similar choices to change their path. I will say that mine has not been the road of least resistance, and that, certainly, has made all the difference.

My wish for you this week is for some impetus to jump start your own reflections and to find reason for gladness in the choices you’ve made along your own unique path!

Monday Moment - Savoring the Last's of Summer

2009-09-14T15:46:00.001-07:00

Every year at this time I struggle with denial. I love summer and all the things one can do in the summer where I live. And it’s a wrench for me to admit that fall approaches. Leaves are dropping, somebody turned down the thermostat outside, days are getting shorter, and I’m still wearing sandals. Shivering sometimes, but wearing sandals just as long as I can stand it!

This year saying goodbye to summer seems especially poignant to me. Could be because we had unseasonably cool weather through July and it wasn’t until August that we really felt like summer arrived. Could be that I’ve really, really, really enjoyed the summer we had. This year, we sailed more than ever before – enough so we actually lost count of how many times we went out. And I loved, loved, loved it!

Maybe it’s denial talking, but I’m re-thinking that last sentence and deciding not to use past tense! I love, love, love sailing. And hope to do more of it before icy winds make it too unpleasant!

We’ve had some wonderful firsts with sailing this year. I’m pretty sure it’s the first time we ever sailed into September. First time we sailed 3 days in a row – on Labor Day weekend, just one week after that freak tornado made a mess of our club’s small stretch of lakefront. You wouldn’t believe the difference a week – and tons of work – made in that place!
First time we ever sailed at night and oh what a spectacular experience that was! Do you remember seeing the full moon the Friday of Labor Day Weekend? I hope it was as gorgeous where you were, but it might be hard for me to believe. There was just enough breeze to waft us and another half-dozen boats a mile or so down the lake and back while we watched the moon wax and daylight wane. Somebody aptly described the experience as ‘ghosting’ along on the water. White sails dim in the moonlight, quiet lapping of water on the bow, ghostly and glorious!

So with all those firsts in mind, I’m holding onto summer’s coat-tails with both hands, but with extreme awareness that regardless of what I do, time will do what time does. My resolve this month is to treat summer joys as if this might be the last time I’ll experience them in a while. Yesterday might have been our last sail of the season. Tonight might be our last cookout. And so forth. I actually doubt that either is the case. I certainly hope not. But if thinking it might be my last chance this year entices me to savor every second, well, maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

And that’s where I am on this mid-September evening. Savoring. Right down to my ever so slightly chilly toes!

May your week be filled with all things savory as well!

Sally

Monday Moment - Feeling Lucky

2009-08-31T11:28:00.001-07:00

A freak of weather came through a half-mile swath along the west side of Canandaigua Lake on Saturday afternoon – the particular half-mile on which the Canandaigua Yacht Club sits. And whew baby, did that weather freak – now called an EF-1 tornado with winds of 90 mph – wreak damage!

Though the storm passed through early afternoon, we didn’t have a clue about it until we received an email from the Club Board about 10PM. Nor, apparently, did many people who live just beyond the tornado’s narrow path. We hopped in the truck and took a ride to see what we could see – knowing that we wouldn’t see much at all in the dark. But what the heck, it’s a five minute ride, and though we knew our little boat was insured (I had paid the bill that day at nearly the same time the tornado hit!) we were certainly curious to see how it weathered the storm.

As we drove out West Lake Road, we kept looking for power outages. But lights were on everywhere. In fact, we were within feet of the Yacht Club before we saw anything of note. But then what we saw sure did make us sit up and take notice. Trees were down, boats were piled up, the place was roped off and it was a mess!

A few members were on hand – partly still in awe of what had occurred there and partly to make sure that no one crossed into an area that might not be safe. What a wise move. We learned that no one had been hurt though three members had been present at the time and had harrowing tales to tell. But boats of well over a ton had rolled on their trailers – some into other boats – other boats had been blown off their trailers, and still others were swept into the lake. Two of about 25 boats moored in the club’s harbor actually sank. It all looked like a train wreck!

Still, our fellow members said that they were pretty sure our little boat came through okay. We’ve only been members for three years, we don’t know these folks well and they don’t know us, but still, they were pretty sure our boat was okay. Nice to know. We asked what we could do, and were told that until the club’s insurance adjuster came – scheduled for Monday - it was better to just stay away. We agreed and left them to their vigil.

The next morning, the club website informed us that the insurance adjuster had been there early Sunday morning (lots of calls from members convinced them to change their schedule) and all hands would be appreciated to help clean up. We actually had other plans, but felt compelled to change them and do our part.

It’s true that many hands make light work. And a lighter attitude that might have prevailed had any one of us had to face the clean up alone. By the time we arrived, helpful club members had already hoisted our boat back on its trailer – indeed darn-near unscathed. So Ray pitched in to help with other boats – many of the Club’s rather unique and hand-built Shark class catamarans that had been tossed into trees and were gouged beyond repair. Aware of my physical limitations, I started gathering downed branches into big brush piles. All this in a steady, dripping rain, but also amidst surprisingly good humor.

Within a couple hours, most of what could be done without heavy equipment had been done. So for the next couple hours, we stuck around offering meager emotional support to the owner of one of the boats that sank. We watched as a barge-crane arrived to lift his boat from its resting spot on the harbor bottom. The crane operators pumped water out as they lifted until it floated and looked – from a distance at least – as good as new.

About half way through the day, Ray reminded me of something I say – heard from a friend about a friend long ago. He said, “It’s all about the stories.” And there were stories aplenty – and will be for years to come from this little hurricane. Each boat-owner has a story about his/her boat, where it went in the wind, and how it came out. Neighbors who sustained damage to their homes have a story. The fellow who was there when the storm hit has a whale of a story. The officers of the club have a story, and each person who helped and was helped has a story too.

My own story is one of what I perceive to be amazing luck. Besides the amazing – and gratitude-inducing – luck that no one was hurt – not on the waterfront, and not in their homes, I feel lucky. The above picture will show you what I mean.

Ours is the small yellow boat with the black mast, lying on its side – but not crushed by the four larger boats who started a domino that might easily have landed on us. Two of our nearest neighbors to the right each weigh about twice what our boat weighs. And two more behemoths that you can’t see in this picture weigh twice again that much. It remains to be seen whether any of these four that sheltered us can be salvaged. But our little yellow craft – which probably cost less than the deductible on the four larger boats – seems to have come through unscathed.

We never gave our boat a name. Couldn’t decide if a 14-footer really warranted a name to tell you the truth. That’s a question I’m not asking anymore. From now on, I’m calling our boat Lucky. As far as I’m concerned, she’s earned it!

It’s all about the stories. That’s my story – and Lucky’s – and we’re sticking to it!

Hope you have a lucky story to tell this week!

Sally

Monday Moment - Brave Harvest!

2009-08-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

Far and away the most inspiring story I read this week is about Jose Hernandez, one of our astronauts heading up, up, and away in tomorrow’s shuttle launch. Have you heard this story?

Jose’s parents and four kids worked their way up from Mexico each spring, migrant farm workers who followed ripening crops in the fields. From the time he was six years old, Jose was out there from dawn to dusk, in the mud, dust, heat, picking vegetables for salad bars all over the United States. Every evening ended with the same message. Jose’s father turned to look at his four kids crowded into the back seat of the car and said, “This is your future if you don’t stay in school.”

There was the incentive for sure, but Jose’s parents didn’t stop there. They realized how moving from place to place made it more difficult for their kids to succeed in school, so they took risks, got green cards, settled in one community, and worked – really, really hard. As did their kids. Summers and weekends weren’t for sleeping in. Summers and weekends were for working in the fields, helping to support the family – with the same message at the end of every day, “This is your future if you don’t stay in school.”

All four kids did stay in school, and went on to earn college degrees. And now the family will gather to watch Jose Hernandez achieve the dream he formed as a child watching Apollo astronauts walking on the moon. Even with a master’s degree in electrical engineering, it took him twelve years to be accepted into the astronaut training program. This is a man who knows how to work and who knows the power of a really big dream!

Can you see why I felt inspired? There’s a song written and performed by Jana Stanfield that also inspires me. It asks the question, “What would I do today – if I were brave?” Jose has given me a new response to Jana’s question – I’ll think about what Jose Hernandez would do! And hopefully, I’ll do more than think! I’ll work!

What would you do today – if you were brave?

Wishing you a filled with inspiration, courage, and the satisfaction of hard work done well!

Sally

Monday Moment - Community Cravings

2009-08-17T13:54:00.000-07:00

I’m at home for most of this coming week with minimal obligations – and it feels terrific! It’s been a bit of a whirlwind! All good, but I do think I hear my hammock calling my name!

When I reflect back on my summer – so far because I am determined to enjoy every single drop of it yet to come – the word that comes most clearly to mind is community. I’ve experienced – albeit from the sidelines sometimes – varied communities in action this summer. Each community has been unique, but they all share certain characteristics – a common purpose and goal, mutual nurturing and care, the chance to forge memories that will last lifetimes and that often significantly alter the lives of community members. And FUN in capital letters!

I’ve visited eight 4-H Camps across New York State this summer – from Long Island to nearly the Thousand Islands, from the Catskills to the Finger Lakes and Western New York. Each time I found a community. Young staff members experiencing their first taste of awesome responsibility, campers away from home for the first time or returning again to a place they’ve learned to call home, rituals and routines that might baffle a visitor but make perfect sense to everyone there. Eight complete communities that shape lives.

Two weeks ago I was with my Executive Edge friends in Orlando where we facilitated a team-building program for student interns to the accounting firm Ernst & Young as we have for the last 13 years. We work really hard, long days – and it’s such interesting work with a wonderful client. But the real reason we go is to spend time with our own team! There are new people on our team every year, but the core has been together since the very beginning, and spending a week with my best friends that I see once a year is among the most special opportunities of my life! Think about it. Thirteen years! The changes we’ve seen in each other! I feel so privileged to be part of this extraordinary community – if only for one week a year!

In between my travels, I sang for the first time with the Finger Lakes Chorale this summer. We rehearsed every Tuesday evening from mid-June to mid-August in preparation for two concerts this past weekend. I’ve sung with groups before and am always struck by how the very act of breathing the same air and belting out the same lyrics brings a group of diverse people together. One hundred thirty people in this group – some who knew each other for years, others new like me – brought together just because we like to sing. Some of us will go to dinner at each others’ houses, but more will just see each other occasionally at the grocery store. Still, for the brief time we were together, we were community.

I believe that humans crave community and all the benefits that come from an interdependence on other humans. Could be why I sought out so many community experiences this summer. Certainly that need for community will be a big reason why I’ll think back so fondly of the summer of 2009! In fact, I believe I’ll go start that reverie right now – in my hammock!

What memories of this summer season will you hold precious?

May you experience the joys of community yourself in the coming week!

Monday Moment - Make Room For Spontaneity

2009-07-06T10:40:00.001-07:00

I spent three days last week with teens and their adult partners who were learning to teach nutrition and fitness to younger children in after-school settings. Each day included lessons for the teens and adults, opportunities for participants to practice teaching one another, games and healthy snacks. My role was mostly to liven up the training with active games – while teaching the group games that they can lead with children. Boy did we have fun!

I have a fairly extensive list of favorite games – gathered over the span of my career working with adults and children, but I don’t mind admitting that this program challenged me. It seemed like every time we turned around, I needed to come up with not just one game, but two or three. Beyond the sheer quantity of games, I wanted to be sure the games I chose were truly active. No kick ball where one person runs and the rest wait their turn. No games where someone gets out and then sits on the sidelines. No indeed. We wanted to model and teach games that encourage everyone – regardless of their athletic ability or fitness level – to play actively.

I was scrambling to keep up, to always have a game ready that would excite, energize, and inspire our group to play more actively with the kids they’ll be teaching. I’d brought all the resources I’ve relied on lo these many years – except those that were lent out and went missing from my collection. And I dipped into a wonderful new resource called CATCH Kids Club Activity box (available from Flaghouse.com) that had just the kind of games we wanted to demonstrate. And still I was scrambling.

And then, serendipity stepped in. It was mid-afternoon. I was tired. I wanted more than anything else to lie on the floor with my feet up in the air. Without a real plan, that’s what I did. I invited the teens to join me in a circle with our heads together, and tossed a couple beach balls in the air. Our task – to keep the balls in the air with our hands or our feet. Who knew that could be so fun? Our group mastered that task so well, I wondered aloud if we thought we might be able to handle the larger and heavier exercise ball I had brought along. Yeah! And the fun quotient leaped! Adults got in the game batting the ball back to our circle, and the giggles escalated every time someone made contact. It was like each hit or kick of the ball was a surprise – a funny, exciting surprise! When it was time to stop playing and move on to the next topic, none of us wanted to quit!

I’m thinking there’s a lesson in this experience. When I prepare well, when I draw on all my resources, I shouldn’t forget the spontaneous possibilities, the kind that bubble up almost of their own accord. I ought to let myself set up a situation and say, “I wonder what would happen if we …?” I can’t give up the preparation or the digging through resources, because that’s what gives me the confidence to be spontaneous. But I will remember to let some unexpected fun bubble up from wherever that well of inspiration resides. Because although we enjoyed playing all different kinds of games, the one we’ll all remember the longest and the most happily is the one with the big blue ball, the game they named “Don’t Get Hit in the Face!”

May you also have a burst of spontaneous fun in the coming week! And most certainly, don’t get hit in the face!

Sally

Monday Moment - A Sweet Spring

2009-06-15T12:50:00.000-07:00

It’s rhubarb season in my neck of the woods. There are signs on roadsides, it’s for sale at our grocery store, and there’s rhubarb pie at our favorite diner. Oh boy, oh boy! Rhubarb – the taste of spring!

My sibs and I were brought up on rhubarb. It grew abundantly at the edge of our garden and Mom found fabulous things to do with it. We had warm rhubarb sauce on ice cream, rhubarb crisp, and rhubarb cake.

One of Mom’s favorite concoctions was a dessert called Spring Delight, a sort of biscuit-y rhubarb cobbler. Alas it must have gone out of fashion with her by the time Mom was called upon to submit recipes to her church or square dance cookbooks because I can’t find the recipe in either of those sources. Probably my sisters can resurrect it. I remember dough rolled out, sprinkled with rhubarb, butter, and sugar, rolled back up and sliced, then baked smothered in more rhubarb sauce. Yum!

But my favorite rhubarb delicacy, beyond all measure, was my mom’s pie! Plain old rhubarb? Nope. Rhubarb-Strawberry? Too common – and not the best flavor combination by a long shot. Nope. I’m talking about my mom’s Rhubarb-Pineapple pie – hands down, the best pie on the planet.

This was the specialty I requested when I came home from college – and for years to come. De-lish! The tartness of the rhubarb with the sweetness of the pineapple – together in a firm egg custard. Now that’s a pie! Warm from the oven with a scoop of ice cream. Oh my!

I made Mom’s Rhubarb-Pineapple pie last week – my one pie of the year – and every bite took me back to spring days of my childhood, to pot-luck suppers and fundraisers for which my mom made pie. (She generally made an extra one for home and one for the freezer along with the two she took for someone else to eat. Hooray, hooray!) It was a sweet week at my house – one small piece of Mom’s pie every day!

It was so good, I thought I should share the recipe. Here it is.

Darlene Crosiar’s Rhubarb-Pineapple Pie
Pastry for 2-crust pie (I make only 1 crust to reduce calories and it’s darned good as an open pie too!)
Mix together: 1 cup sugar and 3 Tablespoons flour
Add: 2 beaten eggs, small can of drained crushed pineapple, 2 cups rhubarb cut into 1-inch slices
Mix and pour into unbaked crust. Dot with butter (I skip the butter) Cover with second crust. Sprinkle with sugar. Bake until crust is nicely browned in 400 degree oven, about 50-60 minutes. (If you’re going with a one-crust pie, cover with foil for at least half the time.)

Pull the pie out of the oven, breathe in that sweet-tart aroma. Then, call me and I’ll be right over to join you for a slice of pie!

Have a sweet – and tartly exciting – week!

Sally

Monday Moment - In NE Oregon

2009-06-08T12:00:00.001-07:00

My book group’s selection this month is The Shack by Paul Young which I just finished (3 days early) this morning. It’s an intriguing tale of forgiveness, faith, and learning about God, set in a place that I had the incredible privilege to visit five years ago.

When Peggy Fine first asked if I was available to speak at the Oregon State Grange Session in Joseph Oregon, she described the area as the most beautiful place in the world. It was hard to argue about that!

Joseph is a tiny town nestled in a valley of the Wallowa Mountains of Northeast Oregon. It’s not easy to get to – by air or automobile – unless you have a lot of time to get there. I flew into Spokane, Washington, skirted Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, (which has a lake that rivals the beauty of my own Canandaigua Lake) and headed south. My first destination was Lewiston where the Clearwater River joins the Snake and whose sister city Clarkston, Washington across the Snake River gives a pretty good clue about the area’s history. I stayed right on the Lewis and Clark Trail on the bi-centennial year of that amazing trek.

From Clarkston, one can travel – if you’re adventurous – through Rattlesnake Canyon on Route 129, where a sign warns you that there’s no gas, for 70 miles. There is, however, ice cream at the bottom of the canyon where the proprietor assured me it stays a comfortable 70 degrees year-round. And incredible sights that take one’s breath away – as do the hairpin turns going down and then up through the canyon.

From the south rim of Rattlesnake Canyon, you come out on a high plateau that offers a first view of the Wallowa Mountains. As you follow Oregon’s Route 3 south, you descend gently into a broad, fertile valley with picturesque working farms and amazing snow-capped peaks beyond.

That’s where I picked up the trail of The Shack’s main character Mack and his family who drove from near Portland east along the Columbia River Gorge and nearly six hours east through Enterprise and Joseph to camp at Wallowa State Park. I won’t say more about what happens there because you can read the book!

But since I was there – and since I took about a million pictures of this most picturesque setting – I thought I’d show you just some of what you can see in Northeast Oregon, Joseph, the Wallowa Mountains and their evirons. I tried to include the pics that show what Paul Young tried to show in words – and then I just couldn’t help adding a few others that captured me.

I hope you enjoy a little armchair travel on this Monday. And that you have a chance to travel down some lane of your own memory that gives you as much pleasure as I’ve had re-living my visit to the most beautiful place in the world.

Sally

Monday Moment - Good News In Canandaigua

2009-05-18T15:20:00.000-07:00

I’ve been absent for several weeks because I was up against a deadline. It’s not so much the time it takes to write a Monday Moment. It’s the time it takes to think about and settle on a topic! Holy cow! It’s like cooking. Once I know what’s for dinner, no problem. It’s the deciding that’s hard! And you know, deciding after a hiatus is no easier!

So although I had determined to hop back on my Monday Moment wagon today, I had not a clue about a topic. And then it was time to go for my swim, and a topic hit me in the face.

You see, this is my first day back in the pool for over a month – because it’s a brand new pool at my YMCA. The old pool – 4 often-crowded lanes – was closed back before Easter so construction could be completed on this beautiful new facility which just opened. We now have 6 wider lanes plus a shallow ‘leisure’ pool that will be ideal for kids.

And the best news from my perspective is that lap swimmers won’t be restricted any longer to the three meager time slots of the day when the old pool wasn’t being used for classes and open swims. Woohoo! Now, every day, all day, there will be at least three lanes reserved for lap swimming. Woohoo!

When I was in grad school, I lived three blocks from a municipal pool that had lap swimming every day from 7-9AM. I ‘d roll out of bed, and walk to the pool, swim my mile, walk home, eat breakfast and begin my day. I was fitter than I ever was before or since during the ten months I lived near that pool. I’ve long wished our Y had similar hours for lap swimming, but the early session was just too early for my night owl tastes.

But now? Woohoo! I’m looking forward to creating a whole new routine. Too often, as I aimed at my lunchtime swim, something came up to prevent me from getting there. Oh, believe me, too often that something was of my own invention – any old excuse to let me off the hook of getting to the pool. And then, if I stalled long enough, well darn. Lap swim was over.

But now? Woohoo! If I’m going to find excuses not to get to the pool at least three times a week, I’ll really have to exercise my creativity! Lap swim is all day, every day! And the new pool is so bright and inviting that maybe I won’t even want to find an excuse not to go! It sure felt good to swim today!

So this Monday Moment is just me sharing some good news – news that I hope will help me create a healthier habit and a healthier mind, body, and spirit. I hope you have some similar experience in the coming week – something that brightens your outlook and creates new opportunities for your own good health!

Sally

Monday Moment - Walking a Path of Trust and Gratitude

2009-04-27T16:12:00.001-07:00

To celebrate what seems like a rash of good fortune lately – successful removal of a bothersome neuroma on my foot and the ability to purchase a beautiful new car before my 11-year old Honda bit the dust being at the forefront of my grateful mind – and because it was a gorgeous and incredibly hot day in April, and just because, I gave myself a spiritual treat today.

Some lovely and kind folks that I know only slightly have created a labyrinth on a hillside above Canandaigua Lake. They make it available to anyone who would like to use it, and though I’ve known about it for some time, I’ve never before walked in this beautiful spot. Today I did and am filled with gladness and gratitude.

Do you know about labyrinths? They are a meditation tool of a circular design where one follows a path to the center and out again. It’s not a maze. There’s one way in and one way out. You just have to follow the path. And while you do, you meditate, pray, ponder, let your mind wander, let your mind be quiet – you just follow the path wherever it takes you.

I first experienced this form of walking meditation about six months after my husband Dave died and grieving was the central focus of my life. I was sad certainly. And I was also impatient to get this grief crap over with! As I circled and circled before I reached that labyrinth’s center, I was struck with metaphor. I couldn’t hurry through that pain – not if I wanted to stay on a healthy path.

It was a powerful lesson, and I’ve sought out labyrinths ever since. They pop up in surprising places. I’ve walked a circular path on a church patio in Clearwater, Florida, at a cemetery west of Orlando, at a local college where a labyrinth group meets monthly, at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco from whence much labyrinth activity originates, at our own high school during a staff wellness day, and now in a quiet meadow just minutes from my home.

Some labyrinths are painted on canvas that can be spread out on a gym floor and folded up when you’re done. Some are painted on concrete. Some are stone paths. Some are even laptop versions that you trace with your fingers. Today’s was rich thick grass and clover that my unseen hosts must painstakingly mow with considerable frequency.

Today I was pondering the roles of trust and gratitude in my life. I went feeling grateful, but the trust metaphor didn’t occur to me until I’d been walking a while. The impatience that too often interferes with my serenity began to arise. Was I on the right path? Had I missed something? Shouldn’t I be at the center by now? Oh. Right. Just follow the path. Trust the path. It will take you where you need to go. It did. And as it did, I began to think of all the other things I ought to trust. My own abilities. That the world can be a generous, giving, abundant place. Hmmm…

In the center, I enacted a small ritual of my own. I faced east – opposite to the labyrinth’s entrance – and said, “I have the courage to face new beginnings.” I turned to face north – where I could see my new baby automobile parked along the country road – and said, “I trust myself to face challenges.” I faced west and said, “I have the courage to face endings and to let go what ought to be let go.” As I turned south, the sun emerged from a brief stay behind a cloud and I said, “I bask! In joy remembered, in joy of this day, in joy to come! I bask!” I turned a few more times chanting gratitudes. For the gifts of the earth, for my relative wealth, for the beauty of the birdsong that surrounded me, for the beautiful souls who offer and care for this space on their land, for so much more.

As it so often seems to me, my journey out took far less time than my it took to go in. As I reached the spot where I had entered, I was reluctant to leave. The wind ruffled my hair and blouse as I looked back on the path I had taken in two directions. I began to plan another visit.

Is there a labyrinth near you? I bet there is. You can find out at http://labyrinthlocator.com/. Maybe it’s not a tool for you, but it just might be. And if you’d like to try a digital version from the comfort of your very own computer screen, give this a try http://www.gratefulness.org/labyrinth/index.htm.

In the meantime, I’m wishing you rich opportunities to experience trust and gratitude this week! Just follow that path!

Sally

Monday Moment - Join me in the National President's Challenge

2009-04-20T12:36:00.000-07:00

This is a different kind of Monday Moment – one that I hope will get us all up and moving. Keep reading and then sign up to join me in being an active and healthy person!

YOU'RE INVITED TO JOIN THE PRESIDENT'S CHALLENGE!

Sally Crosiar has started a group to take the President's Challenge together:
Healthy People Learn is the group name. And you're invited to be part of it!

WHAT IS IT?
The President's Challenge is a series of programs designed to help improve anyone's activity level. Joining a group is a great way to make staying active easy.

To learn more about the President's Challenge, go to:
http://www.PresidentsChallenge.org

WHY JOIN?
Staying active with others can be a lot of fun. They'll help keep you motivated - even when you don't really feel like it. Groups are a great way to meet new people. There are even programs for people at different activity levels: the Active Lifestyle program aimed at beginners, and the Presidential Champions program for those who are already active.

Signing up for a group is simple. And there's no limit to how any you can belong to. You can join or leave at any time. All you have to do is register. It's quick, and there's no cost just to participate!

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HOW TO JOIN:

1) Go to http://www.PresidentsChallenge.org/login/register_individual.aspx

2) Fill out the registration form.
* Be sure to include the following info during registration *

Our Group Name: Healthy People Learn
Your Group ID Number: 81466
Your Group Member Number: Choose your own number. I suggest the month, day, and year of your birth. (I think this will work – it’s new to me too.)
3) After registering, start logging your activities. As you log activities you'll be able to track your progress toward winning a President's Challenge Award or Medal.

Good luck!

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-- The President's Challenge --
http://www.PresidentsChallenge.org
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I’ll be logging my activity levels beginning May 1. I hope you’ll join me. Let’s see what our virtual community can do!

Sally

Monday Moment - Pride, Gratitude, and Hope

2009-04-06T15:40:00.001-07:00

On Saturday evening we were guests at the Hopewell Volunteer Fire Department’s annual banquet because that generous man I live with had done a no-charge engineering job for them.

I’ll be honest and say that my primary interest in attending was that there would be dancing after dinner. I love to dance and don’t ever seem to get enough. Sitting through dinner and an awards ceremony with people I don’t know – well that just seemed like something I’d have to tolerate until it was time for dancing.

But that’s where I was surprised. Let me set the scene.

About 100 people with an age range that spanned (I’m guessing here) from early 20’s to mid-90’s had gathered to celebrate this Volunteer Fire Department’s 50th year. These were ordinary folk, men and women who looked like they worked hard at their chosen professions. Some were dressed up for a special occasion. Others seemed to have come as they were. Conversation flowed in the room as neighbors greeted neighbors. The expression ‘salt of the earth’ came to mind.

As we were served our salad, the current Fire Chief showed a slide show and video that traced the history of service to this rural community. We saw photos of early founders, terrible car crashes, chicken barbeques, burnt out buildings, children perched atop fire trucks acquired from neighboring towns, names in reflective tape on the backs of firefighting uniforms. The people at our table provided commentary, identifying family members, neighbors, friends of their parents, even themselves in earlier days. “That was the time…” they’d say, reliving occasions when they’d faced danger, worked, and played together.

The pride was palpable, and clearly well-deserved. I found myself surprisingly moved. The Department’s chosen leaders, President and Chief, distributed awards honoring the top ten responders, friends who had supported the group’s efforts – WalMart, the town of Hopewell, the man who provided the meat for the spaghetti supper and whose refrigerated truck was pressed into service at various fund-raising functions.

Only one of the charter members was present. As he accepted several awards for his long service, the crowd joined in spontaneous standing ovations. He spoke briefly about his pride in the department of today. “Considering that we started with absolutely nothing, we’ve come a long, long way.” He spoke of citizens who donated land for their two fire stations, of how everyone pitched in to dig foundations, erect buildings, and shingle roofs, and hold all those fund-raisers needed to buy exciting things like fire trucks and mundane things like paper napkins.

The Women’s Auxiliary delivered a check from those fund-raisers to erect a new sign and flag pole and then proceeded to honor the fire department’s founding mothers who began their organization forty years ago this year. As their names were called out, eight women came forward. One reached for another’s hand and soon the whole line was joined together, leaning on each other in this moment of recognition as I imagined they must have done throughout their long years of friendship.

It was an evening I was proud to witness, especially as I realized this was only a sample of the good men and women who serve. Hopewell is just one of sixteen towns in our county. New York has fifty-six counties – many of which are also served, town by town, by similar volunteer fire departments. Good men and women serve in this manner all across our country, and I hope that every one of them will enjoy a good meal, excellent company, and a chance to feel proud of their efforts. And of course, to dance.

From here on, I’ll be thinking of all those good folks any time I pass a firehouse or see the tell-tale flashing blue lights atop a volunteer’s vehicle. I’ll feel proud of them – for the important work they do as well as for the community they create. I’ll feel grateful. And I’ll feel somehow hopeful for all our futures just knowing that people like volunteer fire fighters and their friends, family, and neighbors are willing to give so much of themselves.

May you experience something that fills you with pride, gratitude, and hope in the coming week!

Monday Moment - Paint a Wall to See Results!

2009-03-23T09:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I painted a wall. It was very satisfying. The project had a distinct beginning, middle, and end. I had constant reinforcement regarding the quality of the work I was doing. And at the end, the wall was bright, clean, and new. Very satisfying.

Long ago, I discovered the therapeutic benefits of painting a wall, and I’ve been recommending it ever since – especially to people who are in the helping professions, even more especially to folks whose work is to influence behavior change, and still more to those whose work is with children.

You see, when we attempt to help people, we rarely see the full results of our work. We help by doing our part, which is often a small piece of the entire network required to really deliver the help that people require.

When we attempt to influence behavior change, we may never see the results of our efforts. Those we try to influence may – or may not – implement our suggestions, they may – or may not – make changes today, next week, or next year, and we might not be around to see what happens.

And when we work with kids? Well, the proof of that pudding may take decades to develop. And even then, the intricate web of multiple and diverse influences tangle so it’s darned near impossible to trace the effect of any single action we might have taken.

We get inklings that what we do matters. Sometimes, we even get outpourings of gratitude and appreciation. But the truth is, when we’re in the helping professions, attempting to influence behavior change, and/or working with children, most of the time, we have to act on faith.

We have to believe – and I mean believe down to our toes – that what we do does make a difference in people’s lives. We have to believe it in unflagging fashion, day after day, and work our hearts out to demonstrate our belief. We often have to believe in the face of questions, skepticism, and downright disregard from any number of others and are often required to expend great reserves of energy to convince those others – funders, for example – that our belief is justified. We have to believe our work matters – regardless of tangible, visible evidence.

And we often get tired, even occasionally tempted toward the dark side of self-doubt. That’s when it’s great to see tangible, visible evidence of something we have done. That’s when I know it’s time to paint a wall – to see just how bright, clean, and new I can make that wall. It’s very satisfying.

Here’s wishing you a real – or metaphorical – wall to paint in the coming week!

Sally

Monday Moment - Two Reasons to See My Doc

2009-03-16T09:30:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I had my annual doctor’s visit. He did the usual screenings including blood work, pap smear, and breast exam. I walked out knowing that all signs indicate that my systems are working normally, that the mole on my collar bone is nothing to worry about, and that I have less than 4% chance of having a heart attack in the next ten years – down one percentage point from last year’s appointment.

As you might imagine, I walked out of his office feeling good! For two reasons.

One – well, hey, it was all good news. I feel healthy and now I’ve had my good health confirmed by my medical consultant. That’s how I look at my doc. I’ve hired him – because of his expertise and experience – to help me assess and monitor my health.

And two – going to see my doc once a year is an important thing I do for myself. And for anybody who cares about me for that matter. I feel an obligation to take care of myself so that I can be useful, helpful, and able to care for or about anyone else. Seeing my doc – and getting my mammogram and dental checkups – helps me feel like I’m doing something important to be a healthy, contributing member of the world.

I didn’t always feel this way – or act in what I now consider a responsible manner. I grew up in the Dr. Kildare, Marcus Welby days when dear old friends dropped in to see their docs to take care of a hangnail and walked out with a dire, life-threatening diagnosis. Cripes, that was enough to scare me off from making an appointment! That and my all too present tendency to procrastinate.

But once I got off the particular dime I was stalled on and got myself into the office, I got the above-described sense of well-being and I’ve been faithful to my annual visits ever since. It feels good, and I like doing things that help me feel good – in both the immediate and far-flung future.

What will you do this week to help you feel good? Is it time to make an appointment?

Wishing you lots of feeling good in this first week of spring!

Sally

Monday Moment - iAdventure!

2009-02-23T13:59:00.000-08:00

I bought an iPhone as a present to myself last Thursday. I don’t really need an iPhone. I’ve never considered myself so important that I can’t be out of touch – and to be truthful, I rather enjoy it when no one knows how to contact me.

Still, I’ve had a cell phone since you needed a backpack to carry it around – for productivity, for emergencies, and as a locator device. (Have you noticed how many cell phone conversations include the question, “Where are you?”) While I don’t think of my phone as oxygen as many people I know seem to, I do recognize it as a useful tool for today’s world.

But an iPhone? Why would a person who hardly needs a phone desire an iPhone? I can give you two reasonable excuses. (At least I can convince myself that they are reasonable!) Reason one: I’ve lusted after the ability for my phone and computer to communicate. I had a pda some years ago, and loved that I could synch two machines and easily look up my schedule, my contacts, and docs when I wasn’t sitting at home. But I didn’t like having to carry my pda and my phone. Ergo reason two: I want it all and I want it in one device.

But still, why an iPhone? Wouldn’t any smart phone do these days? I think you’ve got me there. And in fact, if I hadn’t lost my phone while skiing about two years ago and had to extend my contract in order to replace it, my iPhone lust wouldn’t have been so strong. (I did find the original phone when the snow melted about 6 weeks later. It still worked too, but by then I’d already replaced it. Another story for another time…) I’d have settled for whatever was available then.

But from what I’ve read lately, as good as any of the other smart phones are, none of them can top the iPhone. And I’ve noticed a new trend in my way of looking at the world. I am less and less inclined to settle for less than I really want. So that’s probably reason three. I wanted it. Isn’t that sometimes just enough? It was for me!

And I gotta say that I am LOVING my new toy! I’ve been importing cds like crazy (and while we speak) and listening to the most interesting shuffle (also while we speak) that I rarely would take the time to do on any previous day. It’s remarkable that such a small device can hold so much fun (117 cds so far and there’s still room!) – and all my calendar, schedule, weather, email, and even Google Earth where I can look at aerial views of the whole planet! In the palm of my hand!

So, okay, this isn’t an ad for an iPhone. I know it might sound like one, but really I don’t think you should (necessarily) go out and get one for yourself. Nope. What I think is that I – and you – should not settle! We should seek out, savor, and thrill to all the excitement and adventure that’s available in the world. Maybe an iPhone won’t do it for you. What will? What are you settling for when perhaps a fairly small change would give you a whole new outlook on the possibilities in your life? What would juice you up so you could say, “I am LOVING this new _________________ in my life?” I’ll be asking myself these questions in future weeks, months, and years. I hope you will too!

Hoping you’ll find that zing this week!

Sally

Monday Moment - Let go of certainty

2009-02-09T19:08:00.001-08:00

I had a lot of car time today on a drive to a meeting to Albany and back. Lots of NPR – Morning Edition and All Things Considered. Six plus hours to catch up on what’s going on in the world.

One of the most thought-provoking pieces I heard was one about a book written by Matt Miller titled The Tyranny of Dead Ideas. Miller attacks what he says have become ‘rules for our time’ by suggesting that the times have changed. Those ideas include:
§ our children will earn more than we do
§ free trade is “good” no matter how many people it hurts
§ employers should play a central role in the provision of health coverage
§ taxes hurt the economy
§ “local control” of schools is essential
§ people tend to end up, in economic terms, where they deserve to

Well, aren’t these ideas fodder for deep thinking? In the space of a radio interview, Miller only had the chance to speak about the first three ideas on his list, and regardless of what I’d believed before, he made a darned good case that these were, in fact, dead ideas. And furthermore, Miller suggested, our allegiance to these ideas that we have believed were true – and that we have used to build both policies and ways of seeing the world – are not only no longer true, but are holding us back from real progress.

I’ve not had enough information nor enough time to digest Miller’s arguments to fully establish my own informed opinion about whether these ideas are dead, and if they are, whether our commitment to these ‘dead’ ideas paralyzes us. I confess, though, that I find the contemplation of such challenging notions an intellectually enjoyable process.

Gail Sheehy says that an important step in creativity is to “let go of certainty.” David Roth sings of getting all his “answers questioned.” Hmm… Whatever the result of the exercise, I believe that Sheehy, Roth, and now Miller, are telling me to “THINK!”

And so I will. I encourage you to do likewise. Are you willing to let go of certainty and really examine what you believe about Miller’s ‘dead ideas? Let me know what you conclude.

May it be a thoughtful week.

Sally

Monday Moment - Thinking in Colors

2009-02-02T16:13:00.001-08:00

For the past few days I’ve been thinking in shapes, colors, and textures. In fact the colors I’m thinking are translucent because last Thursday, I had a private stained glass lesson as part of a goal I set for 2009. What fun to think translucent thoughts!

And what fun to create a stained glass sun-catcher from start to finish in an afternoon! The process was both more and less complicated than I had anticipated. I knew a few of the steps involved – because I got out a book from the library. But each of those steps had steps I didn’t know about and tools I’d never seen before. And yet, because I had competent, patient instruction, the process unfolded before me, one step leading to another.

Since my lesson, I’ve been trying to figure out where and how I proceed. Where in my home? Where the inevitable tiny shards of glass would do no damage? Where I’d have water for the grinding process? Where it would be safe to heat a soldering iron to a temperature approaching 800 degrees? Big questions and I don’t yet know the answers.

And then, what would I choose to create? Oh the shapes and colors! I have an excursion planned to a stained glass supply store I didn’t previously know existed but is very near where I teach child care classes in Rochester. My instructor warned me that to go into such a store without a specific project in mind is dangerous. “You’ll want to bring home lots of pretty glass,” she said as she pulled out sheet after sheet that she hadn’t resisted in her own basement workshop. “It can get expensive.” Hmmm… Warning heeded, and still I can’t wait to get in that store! I’m eager to surround myself with the possibilities even if I don’t yet know where the urge will lead. I’m willing to submit myself to such delicious danger!

Learning something new always has an edge of excitement – that touch of danger – and that’s exactly the feeling I craved when I thought I’d like to learn to create stained glass in 2009. I like it when my brain starts firing off in unexpected ways of thinking. Shapes and colors, new ideas and theories, these are the things that make me feel alive and kicking.

What’s something new you’d like to learn this week – or month or year? Here’s hoping you find something that gives you that rush of excitement – even if it turns out to be expensive!

Sally

Monday Moment - Actual Connections

2009-01-26T14:53:00.001-08:00

I had one of those experiences yesterday evening that I always say I’m going to do more often – and too often don’t. Like many of us, I get caught up in the day-to-day and wish I could keep up with old friends. But I don’t usually get around to issuing the invitation so that the wish turns into a reality. Except this time I did – and it left me wanting more!

Sharyn was one of the first people I met when I first moved to this area over thirty years ago. She went out of her way to include me in her daughters’ birthday parties, holidays, and gatherings – and I prodded until she brought her girls – then one- and two-years old to a Family Camp that I organized. She – and her three daughters became dear friends.

And yet, sometimes months and years would go by when we wouldn’t see each other. We live only fifteen minutes apart, but it’s just far enough so that we don’t shop at the same grocery store – which in our community is where everyone runs into everyone else eventually. And our circles of activities and acquaintances didn’t often intersect.

We did run into each other sometime in the last twelve months and said, “We really have to get together.” And still no action from either of us to make it happen. As I wrote my holiday cards and letters this year, I made a little resolution to change that – with Sharyn as well as other good friends I don’t see nearly often enough. So in addition to the usual, ‘hope we can get together in 2009,’ phrase that I always include, I started suggesting an actual date when that might happen.

Yesterday with Sharyn and two of her three daughters was the first 2009 date that came to fruition. And it was a delightful time. We had dinner, caught up on all our lives, shared some memories of the girls’ growing up years, and even tried rearranging Sharyn’s living room on her request. What fun!

So far, we’ve got two more definites and one tentative date set up with other old friends, and I’m determined to keep up the practice. I don’t let myself worry about the details. Will I cook? Will they? Will I need to clean my house? Shall we go out? Let’s just get the date on our mutual calendars and the details will take care of themselves.

I certainly enjoy all my cyber-connections as well, but there really is nothing quite like an evening hanging out in the same room with old friends! I highly recommend it!

Who would you like to see for an actual evening in the same room? When will you ask?

Sally

Monday Moment - A Scary Book

2009-01-12T19:39:00.000-08:00

I finished a novel this morning – a book I’d put off reading because of its difficult subject matter, but one I now think that every parent, teacher, bus driver, playground or cafeteria monitor ought to read. The book is Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Piccoult, which tells the story of nineteen minutes during which one student killed ten others, wounded more, and terrified all residents of a small New Hampshire town.

The shooting is of course tragic and frightening, but the story that Piccoult tells of the shooter’s childhood of victimization at the hands of his classmates – that’s what might keep me awake at night.

It’s a novel, so I tell myself that Piccoult might have exaggerated the brutality of school – for this young man and even for the ‘popular’ kids who saw themselves as one mistake away from falling from grace. I tell myself that ‘it can’t happen here’ in my community because we embarked on a character education initiative to instill positive social values like respect and caring in our students over ten years ago. I tell myself that kids can be braver than we see in the book, and that adults are more aware.

And yet despite what I tell myself, I fear. I fear because Piccoult describes in such compelling fashion – without excusing either the shooting or the bullying that led up to it – that every child and every family were victims and nobody got out unscathed.

The thing that may perhaps calm my fear – beyond the blessed numbing that does come with time and having to face daily life – is that in Piccoult’s story, the shooting did not need to happen. Had adults stepped in effectively and decisively on the first day of kindergarten and on dozens of other occasions in this young man’s school life, had adults taught all children that to bully and intimidate another is not acceptable and can have awful consequences for both the bully and the bullied, had adults taught children how to engage real courage, then tragedy could have been averted.

Of course then Piccoult wouldn’t have a story to tell. But I fervently hope her story will not be repeated in any real-life community because adults are doing all they can to prevent it. I want to believe that adults are teaching children to be kind – and are paying close enough attention to correct children when they succumb to cruelty.

The fear comes back because I know that even then – when the very best of intention for every child has been put to excellent use – even then the unspeakable can happen. But just in case? Please ask every parent and educator you know to read this book – and then to do everything they can to protect all children from bullies as well as bullets.

May you have a safe and helpful week.

Sally

PS – I’ve updated my website and by popular request have included 10 Great Quotes on goal-setting this month. Take a look at www.healthypeoplelearn.com!

Monday Moment - Sharpening Me Goals for 2009

2009-01-05T15:24:00.000-08:00

January is when I lay out my ambitious goals for the year – so I start the year by looking back. How did I do on my goals for 2008 and what can I learn from my experiences last year to set better and more effective goals for 2009? In every role that I play in my life?

This week, I’m thinking about the role I consider the most important – taking care of and Sharpening Sally (because nobody else will attend to this enormous task better than I can). I set some big, big goals in 2008. Let’s recap:
- Intentionally exercise 300 minutes a week – What a terrific goal this has been. I have failed to achieve a 300 minute weekly average for two years in a row. But I raised my 2008 average by 5 minutes over my 2007 average! Yea! And would I have averaged 267 minutes a week without setting the goal? I doubt it! So to sneak closer to a 300 minute average, I believe I need to up the ante. I’m aiming at 325 in 2009! (Yikes! And this is how I know I’ve set a good goal. If it’s not a little scary, I’m not stretching enough!)
- Swim 100 miles. Hooray! I did it! And actually beat the goal by a mile! This feels good because I achieved 100 miles a year for about 6 years running – until I had knee surgery in 2005. It took me two years of much lower mileage before I got back into the swing of 100 miles. I have to admit that it’s easier for me to get to the pool in December when I know I only have 3 more miles to finish than it is for me to knock off those first 25 miles. But 100 miles in 2009 – that’s my goal, scary or not!
- Lose 23 pounds. Oh well. I’m still struggling. I lost ten! And gained about four back. Not good enough in my mind, hence the increased exercise. Fourteen seems like a good number to shoot for in 2009. I’ll weigh in tomorrow and set my weekly goals accordingly.
- Record the books I read. I started strong and strayed the last few months of 2008. I did more than record, I wrote a synopsis of each book, and that got fairly tedious. I believe I’ll just do a list this year, and I’ll create it on my exercise spread sheet so it will be easier for me to do.
- Get 3 Massages. Nope. Got one. And loved it. I’ll aim at 3 again this year.
- Consolidate Financial Portfolio. Did it. And enjoyed having everything in one place – even if that everything became a lot less than it was earlier in the year.
- Attend Workshop or Conference. This was a nice idea, but not specific enough. Without the specificity, I could weasel out with a conference where I presented instead of attended or accept the 21st Century Grant Review Process as meeting the goal. When neither was the intent of the goal. In 2009, I want to learn to do stained glass. Not sure where or when, but that’s the specific learning I’m going for – and unlike my 2008 goal, I’ll know if I do it or not.
- Use hand-weights 4 times a week. Nope. Didn’t do it. More like occasionally. I’ve started again in 2009 and I’ll be shooting for a habit because everything I read tells me how important strength training is. Every other day. 4 times a week. Good goal. Gotta get to it.

That’s the recap and here are additional goals I’m adding to my 2009 list.

- Hoop 4 days a week. Remember a couple weeks ago when I wrote about building hula hoops? Well I now have one that’s empty and one that’s filled with 3 pounds of rice and that I can barely use for 5 minutes at a time. I’m enlisting Ray’s help to build more of varying weights and my plan is to work up to being able to use a 3-pounder for at least 10 minutes a day unless I’m traveling. (Hoops just won’t go in the suitcase!) So far, hooping has been a great way to break up other less interesting indoor exercise. I just added a spread sheet so I’ll know if I did this one too. (Ditto with the hand-weight goal)
- Complete at least one crossword puzzle a week. Hey, I’m already doing this one, so why not let myself take credit for it? I do think it sharpens me – especially when I’m tackling the big daddy crosswords!
- Avoid injury and illness! During a few weeks in 2008, it was really hard to convince myself that I should get up off the couch. A turned ankle, a nasty cold, an aching back are enough to derail all my other healthy goals. So I will exercise caution and good sense, wash my hands a lot, fasten my seat belt every time, walk carefully on snow, ice, and carpet, and work hard but not too hard in order to keep myself well enough to care about being even healthier!

Big learnings? Being specific helps – and so does keeping a record if it’s easy to do. There’s something rewarding about recording an accomplishment – and there’s something compelling about getting off one’s butt when the record looks incomplete. It’s also clear that my goals need to be both ambitious enough to stretch me and achievable enough so I won’t get discouraged and quit.

My sharpening goals have been working for me – and I’m certain that the refinements and additions I’ve made will help my 2009 goals sharpen me into a better and healthier me in the coming year.

What goals are you setting to make 2009 a healthier – and therefore happier year – for yourself because nobody else will take on the job of sharpening you?

Sally

Monday Moment - A Healing Stream

2008-12-29T19:59:00.000-08:00

I’ve taken off the last couple Mondays because all my writing energy seemed used up in my efforts to record the histories of my paternal grandparents. Such a process that is – rewarding and gratifying to realize just how much of who I am comes from those who have come before.

Such ideas have been much in my mind of late – and especially today which marks the tenth anniversary of the death of my first husband Dave Spadavecchia. Ten years. It’s a long time – and yet it sometimes feels like yesterday. So much learning and growth – because of having Dave in my life – and because of living through losing him. And because of learning to love again.

I’ve spent this day, as I do every year, reading through journals and letters and remembering. It’s my ritual to strengthen the joys Dave and I shared – to make those joys more present in my daily life. There’s pain in remembering too, but the joys are worth the pain.

Today, I came across a piece that Dave wrote when he was healing from a broken ankle. I’d like to share it with you because it gives glimpses into Dave’s remarkable character – and because I find it so hopeful.

Dave didn’t consider himself a writer – and until I read his work, I never realized how much spelling and typing rely on vision. Compulsive editors among you will want to run this through spell check, but I’ve left Dave’s words just as the blind guy typed them some twelve years ago. I find his errors very dear, but it’s okay with me if you don’t see it the same way. But I do hope you’ll look beyond the spelling and grammar to see – and feel – the beauty of Dave’s healing stream.

THE HEALING STREAM by David Spadavecchia

Healing is the body's way of repairing itself from some kind of damage. Many things can aid in this process like medicine, physical therapy, doctors and best of all the mind.
To start with a bit of information about the princible ccharacter, me. At the time of the incident and I will call this an incident and not an accident because I do not want to be thought of as accident prone but incident prone. At the time I was 51 and had been a diabetic for 39 years and had suffered many of the complacations of this disease. Diabetes can be like a millstone around your neck, a weight that can pull you down or if you imagine it in a knapsack on your back it can make you stronger in some ways. At times I feel both ways, dreined and stronger.

The incident was that I suffered a compound fracture of my right ankle. At our local hospital an orthopedic surgeon told me what he would do for a normal person but with my history he said that there was a good chance that I might lose my foot and that I should go to the hospital where I am treated usually. After being transported there I was lucky enough to be treated by a caring and understanding orthopedic surgeon who after talking with me and my wife, Sally agreedthat he was going to do everything possible to save my foot.

After the ankle was set and plastic surgury closed the open wound with a skin graft Sally and I were talking about what I could doto help the healing process and she came up with the idea of the stream.

Sally has this great attraction for water and she likes to share things with me so she suggested that I should visualize putting my foot in a stream and have the water with healing power wash over my foot and help with the healing.

While laying in bthe hospital I started to visualize sitting on a bank and putting my foot in the stream. I had on my leg an external fixator which is a number of stainless steelpins screwed into my shin bone and foot and connected by rods to keep the bones from moving. After a while I decided to expand my dream stream instead of sitting on the bank I decided to remake the stream so I could lay in it. I pictured the stream about eight feet across and one and a half feet deep with slightly cool water moving gentlly along so I could have my leg submerged. The sun was warm and there were peacefully pleasant sounds like birds and a little breeze rustling the leaves. Now I have room for both Sally and me to recline in the stream and enjoy each other's 's company with both Sally and the stream helping me heal.

At home Sally sant out E mail to people we lnew to tell them what had happened and about the stream. Many replied with their own visualizations many with great ideas. One especially was from Betty who gave me the idea of a waterfall whose spray had a reinbow of healing power. So I built onto my stream with a waterfall about eight feet tall falling into a pond surrounded by as Sally calls them dancing willows instead of weeping willows. I love her images they are so poetic.

When ever I was just laying there, daydreaming or going to sleep I would visualize enjoying the stream and waterfall. You see I also could stand under the waterfall cleansing away any infection and giving healing to my whole body. While picturing all this I started to visualize Sally and me walking into a local shoe store and buying a pair of athletic shoes.

After three days the doctors unwrapped the bandage covering the skin graft and said it looked like it was coming along great and they had great hope that it was on it's way to healing. After six weeks the skin graft was completely healed and the doctor said there was no reason to see him again.

In the meanwhile the bone is taking longer to mend.

Postscript by Sally Crosiar

What Dave didn’t say in his description above is that the idea for the stream came as a counter-measure to a misguided statement made by a resident at Strong Memorial Hospital. Dave had been in the hospital for a day or so, and had been visited by numerous residents and interns (we called them doc-wannabe’s). While many were skilled and kind, one made a very negative impression.

Being in the hospital robs one of independence and control of one’s life, and in Dave’s case, he was also robbed of being able to manage his own insulin and blood sugar levels. He had limited choice of food, his nurses weren’t always smart enough to give him the amount of insulin he requested, and he had limited exercise opportunities. His normal disciplined approach to managing his blood sugar was disrupted.

On this particular day, his blood sugar was high. And this resident treated Dave like he was newly diagnosed with diabetes – and in the way he was treated when he was diagnosed at age 12. She yelled at him for having a high blood sugar level. Like it was something he could control. She went on to say, “When you let your blood sugar get that high, you might as well soak your wound in a cesspool filled with sewage.”

No wonder Dave was upset. When he told me about it, we did our best to find out her name and when we couldn’t do that, we lodged a complaint to the attending. She’s lucky that she never had to encounter me personally – but her future patients may not be.

At any rate, the idea for the stream came as one way to reverse the horrible image she had put in Dave’s mind – an image that might have robbed him of hope and will and perhaps his foot. We couldn’t unsay what she had said, but we sure could create an image that would fill Dave’s mind with pleasant, healing, and hopeful thoughts.

He gave me credit for the idea, but it should be clear that he provided all the details, and all the vibrancy of this image. And he took himself to the stream over and over again in the healing process.

I’m convinced that the stream created enough hope to fuel Dave’s determination to heal. And heal he did. The skin graft and pin sites healed completely within weeks. The ankle bone did take longer to heal, but did heal successfully in six months time. Dave had full use of both legs and feet until he died two years later – the proud owner of not one but three pairs of specially fitted athletic shoes.

Monday Moment - Hooping and Hollering

2008-12-08T09:42:00.001-08:00

Remember how a few weeks ago I spent a weekend working with 4-H teens who will help afterschool programs find ways to create environments where it’s easier to make healthy choices? Well, I’ve just created an environmental change in my home that really excites me! I have created a “hooping zone!”

During my weekend with 4-H’ers I was re-introduced to hula hoops. Except these weren’t your Dollar Store variety hula hoops – or the ones that some of you might remember from earlier days. The hoops we played with that weekend were bigger, heavier, and even had massaging bumps to them. But their most important feature was that I could make them work! I could hula hoop as a kid, but somewhere along the long line of my life, I lost my hula hoop ability. So when I was able to get the hang of it again, I wanted more!

Back at home, I started looking around the internet and was amazed at the plethora of hooping sites. Who knew? Lots of sites want to sell you a hoop, and they do make it seem like a good investment. “Lose an inch around your waist and 4 pounds a month!” And in just 10 minutes a day! Sounds good, huh? Maybe too good.

I wanted to understand the physiology so I kept looking. I haven’t found a lot of the research-based information I’d really like, but I found enough to keep me interested. Sources like Consumer Reports, the Cooper Aerobics Center, the American Council on Exercise say that hooping does have benefits for the abs, core muscles, balance, pelvic flexibility, and is a mild cardiovascular activity. And besides, they say, if it’s fun, people will actually exercise.
Okay, I want to try it. But I wanted a cheaper alternative for myself and to promote among folks who work with kids than the $40-50 models available on the internet. I remembered that Ray’s sister had built her own hoop, and that seemed like a good place to start. I took a trip to Lowes, engaged Ray’s help, and voila! Ray discovered a site that has great instructions and photos of how to build a hoop (http://www.jasonunbound.com/hoops.html) and in a matter of minutes, I was trying out the first of my very own hoops!

It’s only the first of my hoops because another possibility is to add sand or water inside the hoop to add weight. I figure I’ll work with my un-weighted hoop a few weeks and then experiment with a 3-pound and a 5-pound hoop. And all for the price of about $3.50 per hoop. (Of course I probably won’t be able to resist decorating my black hoop with some funky colored tape which will add a little extra cost – and a few more ounces!)

The environmental factor is having a hoop and a ‘hoop zone’ – a space big enough to not knock down anything that might be in my hoop’s orbit. But the tougher factor is to actually use the thing! My initial goal is to hoop for 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes in the evening, and gradually increase a minute at a time – in addition to using my stationary bike and swimming. I’m only three days into this goal, and I can tell you that I think it’s going to be easy – because using the hoop is fun!

As I’ve explored sites like hooping.org, I find that I could even get together with other hoopers at a nearby park. Huh. Who knew? I don’t know that I’ll ever step quite so deep into the group hoop territory, but I am certainly excited about having a new exercise alternative to get me moving in the dead of winter. Halle-hoopla!

May you discover some new alternative that excites you in the coming week!

Sally

Monday Moment - a Happy Memory

2008-12-01T20:46:00.001-08:00

Some of you who have been with me for a while know that every year about this time, I tackle a project of writing down stories about one of my ancestors. For lots and lots of years, I had “Write the Family History” on my to do list – a project that proved too enormous and too daunting to ever actually do. Then Ray’s sister – who did set down a family history – inspired a way to break down the daunting into an achievable goal.

The whole history is too big, but if I take one person – or one set of grandparents – every year, the chunks of the elephant become more chewable. It’s been a wonderful process for me – and one that achieves goal status as it has a deadline of a Christmas deliverable to members of my family. My history of some ancestor is my gift to them – whether they like it or not.

So far, I put together a collection of stories about my father, another collection about my mother, and still another about my maternal grandparents. This year’s collection will be about my paternal grandparents, Eli Ives Crosiar and Mary Malinda Ogan Crosiar.

I never knew my Grandpa Eli who died ten years before I was born, but Grandma Crosiar was a fixture in the first fourteen years of my life. We lived in one side of a big old farmhouse built by Grandpa Eli’s father Amasa (who might be next year’s project) and Grandma lived in the other side. Like any kid would, I took Grandma’s presence for granted in many ways. And yet I was also aware that having her so close was something that other kids didn’t have – something unique and special.

As I’ve been thinking about how to portray Grandma’s history in our family, it’s the simple memories of my childhood that keep taking center stage. When I was little and all the other kids were in school, I loved being invited to join Grandma for lunch of rice and dark brown sugar. We often had rice and brown sugar for lunch on our side of the house too, but Mom always bought light brown sugar. Grandma’s dark brown sugar seemed like a far bigger treat.

Of course it would have been rude to ask if I could come to lunch, but I learned to engage Grandma in a morning conversation that might result in an invitation for my favorite lunch. It was a delicate negotiation. I could casually wonder what Grandma was planning for lunch. I could even perhaps remind her how much she enjoyed rice. But I couldn’t ever say that I wanted rice for lunch. That would be going too far.

From an adult vantage point, I can see just how transparent my ploys must have been, and yet they were given credence because no one ever doubted Grandma’s word. If she said that she had issued an invitation, then I was invited, and there were no more questions to ask. Grandma was well-regarded as a person who said exactly what she meant. Other stories will do more to reveal the firmness of character that was among Grandma’s most prominent features.

For now, though, I’m just enjoying the memory of a woman who allowed herself to be cajoled into inviting a little girl for lunch. I don’t often bring the whole memory of lunch with Grandma into focus – and I wouldn’t have now without my annual ancestor biography task. But I do think of Grandma anytime I use or buy brown sugar – because dark is still my choice!

May you bring a happy memory into clear focus this week – or maybe help create one for a little kid in your own life!

Monday Moment - I Thank a Bird!

2008-11-24T12:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning I experienced one of those all too common occurrences – a recognition of something I will never know. I looked out my bedroom window at the bones of the white birch against a brilliant blue sky and noticed a shape I couldn’t quite identify out on one of the higher limbs. All the leaves are gone now, so this shape was not a clump of leaves. Must be a bird, I thought, though it seems very still for a bird. I watched for several minutes and still the shape remained – and remained mysterious to me.

Then our dog Sam required an outing to the backyard, and as I heard the door open, I finally saw the shape move. Yes. A bird. And it looks like its head is red. Huh. The head seems very small in relation to the rest of the shape. It must be facing the woods away from me. There’s that flash of red again. I think. A female cardinal? The head looks more round than crested. I wonder… Oh. There it goes, and from here I can’t tell what kind of bird it is. Huh. I’ll never know.

And that’s when it hit me that this was just one of hundreds of bits of knowledge that I will never know. I will never know what it’s like to grow up in the seashore, or the mountains, or a city. I will never know everyone who lives in my community. I will never know how to work an algebra problem or do brain surgery.

Well, okay. I could learn how to work an algebra problem – if I had a really good teacher and a desire that was stronger than my long-held math phobia. But there would be the rub. I don’t imagine that I’ll ever have that desire in this particular lifetime. As to brain surgery? Might you not need to know algebra in order to learn brain surgery?

What of all those other things I do not currently know, but would dearly love to have embedded in my brain? How to speak Italian, how to create stained glass windows, the definition and correct spelling of every word in the English Oxford Dictionary, how many different variations of snowflake patterns there really are, just what kind of bird that was sitting in my birch tree yesterday morning. And so much more. Alas, even if I were able to focus my energies, so many things I’d like to learn will remain out of reach. There just won’t be time for everything. Alas.

As you might imagine, that mysterious bird has got me thinking about which of all the bits of knowledge I might acquire are the bits that I really want to acquire for my very own in the time I have left in this lifetime. And as you might also imagine, the reality that regardless of where I focus my learning, there will still be so many trillions of things I will never know – well I could find that reality more than a little discouraging.

On the one hand.

And yet, on the other hand, I actually find the vastness of the unknowable incredibly thrilling! Maybe it’s my streak of perversity at work, but I love the idea that so much of the universe is inscrutable to me. Maybe it’s just that the immense mystery takes the pressure off one minor player in said universe. (Whew!) But I think I love the mind-boggling enormity because the very existence of so many puzzles and stumpers is so darned interesting! There are so many questions I might someday figure out! Even if there are even more enigmas that won’t be revealed to me, won’t it be fun to riddle out what I can? And don’t the limits of time and opportunity actually add to the cliffhanger adventure of living?

I think it does. Or at least I choose to find the magnitude of potential inquiry exciting, provocative, and exhilarating. So in this week of Thanksgiving, that small shape sitting on a birch tree will be among my long list of gratitudes. This unknown and unknowable bird inspired a flight of present and – I sincerely hope – future hair-raising thought. Bless that bird and all it represents.

May you be surrounded by all that inspires your deepest gratitude this week! Happy Thanksgiving!

Sally

Monday Moment - Change the Environment Instead of the Person

2008-11-17T14:26:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I worked with 4-H Choose Health Ambassadors who are teens who will teach the benefits of healthy eating and healthy play to kids in afterschool settings. In addition to teaching lessons designed to help kids learn healthy food and activity practices, they’ll also be surveying those kids to find out how easy it is to make healthy choices in the afterschool environment.

It’s been my job to put together the survey tool that our teens will use. It’s based on similar work I did with 4-H Camps last summer, and it has really opened my eyes about how much our environment affects the choices we make.

It’s always been easy to see a disconnect between teaching nutrition in school when French fries were the only vegetable kids were served in the school cafeteria. And it’s not surprising that kids are more likely to be active and to eat vegetables if adults around them also play and eat vegetables. We could probably even figure out that if kids play outside, they tend to be more active than if they play inside.

But did you know that kids are more likely to eat enough vegetables if two or more are served with every meal? It makes sense when you think about it. If I don’t like green beans (and I confess that I do not) and that’s the only veggie served, I’ll probably pass. But if there are also carrots, I’ll have an alternative that I do like. Did you know that research shows that kids – and adults too – are more likely to eat a fruit or vegetable for a snack if it is already cut into slices? Me too. When it’s easy, I like to choose healthy, but the minute it gets hard, then choosing healthy takes an extra effort.

So the trick – with kids and with ourselves – is to create an environment where it’s easy to choose healthy. And the new thinking is that the best opportunity to make a difference in what kids – and adults – eat is to changing the environments in which they live, work, and play.

We made a good start at shifting environment toward health at the weekend training program for the Choose Health Ambassadors. There was plenty of good food – and many healthy alternatives. There were all kinds of fun activities to do – planned and spontaneous. Teens weren’t told that they couldn’t spend their time exercising their thumbs with hand-held video games. They just didn’t want to, because there were too many other fun things to do. Adults who worked with teens participated in active play right along with the kids and ate the same healthy foods. Beverages were limited to water and milk with no soda, lemonade, or other sweetened drinks. Teens and adults shared a commitment to choose healthy – and it was easy to do so!

So what can we adults do to make it easier to choose healthy in our own environments? We can rid our cupboards of food items that tempt but that don’t contribute to our nutrient needs. If we have to go out to get ice cream, we’re less likely to pull out the tub just any old time. We can make physical activity a routine – something we enjoy and that we do as a matter of habit. We can fill our lives with more interesting things to do than watch television, and we can avoid mindless eating when we do watch tv.

Probably, though, the one thing that will make the most difference, will be to surround ourselves with people who are committed to make healthy choices. We might have to take leadership – to give away the M&M’s, to bring whole wheat crackers and low-fat cheese for a snack instead of cookies or cake, to keep a bowl of orange or apple slices in our fridges to ward off snack-attacks, to suggest a walk as an alternative to the Wheel of Fortune, and to actively recruit friends and family to join us in healthier pursuits. And when we do, I’m willing to bet that we’ll find it easy to choose healthy!

What’s one small change you can make in your home or office environment that will help you be healthier today?

Sally

Monday Moment - Different Worlds

2008-11-10T15:07:00.001-08:00

I’ve often found great pleasure in hanging out with people who are older and also with people who are younger than I. Over the weekend I had both opportunities.

On Saturday, we were invited to share an evening and a meal with three other couples we know mostly through sailing and Halloween. Most of these folks have a few years on us – though you wouldn’t really know it. All are active sailors, most also downhill ski, and all are game to act like a kid on Halloween.

Conversation topics ranged. Upcoming ski trips, past and anticipated travel. Stories about our various canine friends. Early college days when poverty was a common experience. Kids – where they lived and what they did. The excitement of meeting up with old friends at a 50th class reunion. We discovered that two of the guys were former gymnasts – surely an unusual occurrence in such a small gathering. Several of us were self-employed and we found similar health insurance concerns with those who have already retired or who have embarked on a second career. And of course we re-lived our recent Halloween triumphs.

As I listened, I was intrigued by the experience and good will of the gathering. Here were folks I could learn from and enjoy – and their take on the world was ever so slightly different than mine because they experienced the world a few years before I.

The very next night, I shared an experience with a far younger crowd. Ray’s son invited us to join him and a friend at a concert by one of his favorite musical groups, The Decemberists. Because we’ve taken him up on similar invitations before, we now know to expect talent. It’s nearly always talent that we’d never discover on our own – but that has the power to fascinate the youth inside our older bodies.

Last night’s concert was enormous fun. The music was tuneful and engaging. And the student crowd in Cornell’s barn of a field house were terrific fun to watch – the array of outfits, the consistent cell phone glow, the happy un-self-conscious dancing to jaunty melodies. It was clear that this crowd’s take on the world was also different than mine. We occupy different corners of that world – most of the time.

The experiences on Saturday and Sunday evenings couldn’t have been more different. One was refined, sophisticated, with the authenticity of folks who have learned to feel completely at home in their own skin. The other vibrated with youthful, contagious energy that invited even a couple old fogies to jump on board. One was rich in conversation, the other rich in creativity.

All in all, it’s hard to imagine a more enjoyable – or educational – weekend. Here’s hoping you had similar enlightening and re-creating experiences on your weekend – or that you have them planned for the week ahead!

Sally

Monday Moment - Oh to be a kid again!

2008-10-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday night we attended a Halloween party. It was slated as a grown-up party, but it was astonishing to see just how many kids actually showed up! Oh the median age was undoubtedly well over 50, but these were kids all the same!

And it was very clear that these apparent adults had stepped out of their day-to-day lives well beyond the bounds of this one Saturday night. Plans had been laid, shopping had occurred, sewing machines had been dusted off, and I’m willing to bet a lot of kid-like giggles erupted just thinking about the event. Costumes like we saw don’t just arrive at one’s door. They have to be constructed!

Oh there were a few kids at this party who showed up with their ‘cool cards’ still firmly entrenched. Token Jack-o-lantern pins, Halloween socks, an orange scarf. These were the only concessions to childhood that some folks brought to the party – and probably they felt like chaperones. That’s what I felt like at last year’s gathering before I saw the full potential of acting like a kid again.

Some kids kept it simple – the women in flapper dresses who looked like little girls playing dress-up, their gangster dates, the gentleman in a tux with a Phantom of the Opera mask, the tourists in mis-matched shorts and Hawaiian shirts.

Some relied on topical humor – Mr. Wall Street with his golden parachute and Joe the Plumber. Gilligan, the Captain, the millionaires, the movie star, the Professor and MaryAnn. The pregnant hillbilly bride.

And who were we? Our costume emerged from a gathering of near strangers two months before. There were eight of us. What could we go as together? Let’s be Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs! What emerged was the kind of teamwork seen when kids play sandlot ball – all via email. Someone made hats – with our Dwarf names. Someone made belts. Someone else fashioned small – and safe – picks and shovels. We all managed to come up with beards, extra-extra large t-shirts and leggings. And then there was Snow. His Dwarf partner (Sneezy) fashioned an evocative ensemble in all the right colors – with just the right balance between sweetness and absurdity.

If you’re thinking that this whole experience was frivolous and childish, you’re only half right. It was absolutely frivolous. And it was child-like. Not childish. We played, danced, and paraded like children - making friends, not caring about appearances or status, having fun for the pure and simple sake of fun! There was a contest, in which all the fore-mentioned kids won prizes, but surely the real prize was the pure and simple fun.

Did we solve any world – or even personal problems? Nope. But did we face the world in the coming days with more verve, more excitement, more joy? Were we refreshed, rejuvenated, more hopeful? Were we more creative, energized, more prepared to see the world from a broader perspective? Oh I do believe we were.

We’ve long known that children learn through play. I wonder why we don’t more easily see that the same is true for adults. Hallelujah for Halloween which gave me and my friends the chance to be a kid again and reap the beneficence of play!

May you also en-joy a dose of playfulness and child-like fun in the coming week!

Sally

Monday Moment - Seeking 'Flow'

2008-10-20T14:14:00.001-07:00

Last week I taught the concept of ‘Flow’ to my child-care students, and it’s been on my mind ever since. The concept of Flow was developed by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi as part of his study of happiness, creativity, fun, and other lovely emotions that it must have been fabulous to study.

Essentially, Mihaly (I need to be on a first-name basis with this man for a very practical reason. I can’t pronounce his last name!) says that flow is that nirvana feeling we sometimes get when our skills match up with a challenge that we need to face. We get lost in whatever we’re doing, forget to eat, forget to sleep, and become totally absorbed in the task at hand. Flow is a kind of mindfulness, a full involvement – body, mind, spirit – with the challenge.

We talk about flow in my classes so my students will develop activities that are not too difficult for kids so the kids will feel frustrated and want to quit nor too easy so kids will become bored and want to create their own – often troublesome – fun. Challenges need to match skills for children to be engaged in the challenge and have the chance to achieve flow – and generally behave in ways that adults find appealing. We talk about matching challenge and ability also in terms of safety. Challenges that are too risky for a child’s skills are dangerous. Challenges that are too easy may entice kids to take unsafe risks for the sake of relieving their boredom. The challenge for after-school staff of course, is that each child has a different set of abilities and activities need to be constructed so each child can find that ‘just-right’ balance of ability and challenge.

So I’ve been thinking about flow in my own life. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about how I can get more of it! Because I like those moments of flow – those times when I am 100% engaged, when doing what I’m doing seems like the very most important thing I could possibly be doing.

As I’ve been thinking of those fully-alive moments of flow I’ve experienced, I realize that the particular balance of challenge and ability that works best for me is when I almost have the skills I need to face a challenge that I want and choose to face.

I suspect that Mihaly and I are on the same page with this notion since he also talks about continually upping the challenge and pushing the boundaries of our comfort zones. As my friend and mentor Sid Simon says, “up the risk!’ The experience of growing – and being able to see that growth right in front of my eyes – that’s surely part of any peak experience.

Mihaly also talks about clarity – being clear about what it is you want to do. I remember a work situation where an abundance of challenges awaited me, but they were no longer challenges that excited my passion and energy. I wanted new, different, other challenges instead.

Without question, the quest for flow is behind my commitment to goal-setting. When I set a goal, I choose the challenge and I stretch my abilities. I never mind too much if I don’t achieve 100% of my goal – when I know that I stretched and came closer than I would have without the goal. My current abilities – or drive – aren’t quite a match for the ambitious goals that I set. And yet, I grow, I am conscious of growing, and in the process, I often feel a sense of flow.

I’m reminded of a story that Jack Canfield tells about the year he set a goal to earn $100,000 when he’d previously ever earned only $18,000. He didn’t make his goal that year. But he wasn’t at all unhappy with the $96,000 he did earn. And I’ll bet he felt some flow as he sought to meet his goal!

What challenges bring out the flow in you? How can you up the risk to get more flow in your life – this very week?

Sally

Monday Moment - To Fight No More!

2008-10-13T08:34:00.000-07:00

Like many – perhaps even most Americans in this historic year – I’ve been glued to election news. I’m fascinated by the choices, the process, and the people. I respect and admire the intelligence and good will I see in candidates for national, state, and local office – even when I disagree with some of their statements.

Naturally I have some skepticism about promises made in the heat of a campaign. But there’s one promise that I hear from candidates at all levels that I believe and fear that they will keep. That promise? They will ‘fight’ – against yada yada, to yada yada, for me.

I do not want any candidate to fight for me. I want them to work, strive, persuade, question, listen, even argue, challenge and confront injustice. I do not want them to fight.

Do any of us send people to our capital cities to fight? I don’t think we do. Aren’t our three branches of government meant to check and balance each other – not to fight? And yet, haven’t we seen way too much fighting, belligerence, bickering, and feuds among the people we elect?

I know I’m being a little simplistic here. But our language is important. How we say something matters. Do we want our children – who are already exposed to way too much violence – learning that to fight is a lofty goal? Do we want the rest of the world – where I’d like Americans to be known as a peace-loving people – hearing our politicians promising to fight? Do we want those politicians to deliver on that promise? I don’t think so!

I’m not so naïve that I believe none of us should ever fight. When our lives are threatened, we have the right to fight. We should fight. In those dire circumstances when our national security is truly threatened, we have a right to fight. And we should fight. But fighting should be reserved for those dire circumstances and not used in every other sentence as candidates attempt to convince us that they are the best people for the job.

What do I want? I want all candidates to take a vow not to use the word ‘fight’ in their campaigns. I want them to be models for living peaceful and productive lives – lives that don’t include fighting and especially not with other Americans. I want candidates to be more thoughtful about the subliminal messages they send when they say they will ‘fight’ for us. I want them to use a thesaurus!

I don’t have a lot of hope that I’ll get what I want – in this or future campaigns. I doubt my capacity to influence a trend that seems to encompass every candidate and all their campaign managers. But in an effort to expand my sphere of influence, I will personally pledge to – as Gandhi said, “To be the change I want to see in the world.”

I intend to excise the word ‘fight’ from my personal lexicon. From now on, when that man I love and I see things differently, I will strive to see it as an opportunity to listen, persuade, and question rather than a fight. I will attempt to describe such events – even in my own head – as disagreements rather than fights. And I will attempt to similarly re-think encounters with anyone else with whom I might have a disagreement.

I don’t expect my goal to be easy. I’m as susceptible to habits of thinking as anyone else and the word ‘fight’ is deeply entrenched in my brain. But I do believe that my own personal effort – and perhaps yours as well if you, too, were willing to learn other ways to express whatever you’ve previously thought of as a fight – could do much to influence the peace of our planet. One thing I promise you. I will not ‘fight’ to achieve this new goal of mine!

May you attempt, strive, work for, earn, and achieve your highest goals this week! (And not ‘fight!’)

Sally

Monday Moment for Health - The Last 85 Days

2008-10-06T14:33:00.001-07:00

If my math is correct, today should mark 85 days till the end of 2008. Last week I committed to publishing my top goal to accomplish before the end of the year. Boy oh boy, there’s nothing like making a goal public to increase one’s commitment to achieving it. Suddenly I’m accountable to you as well as to myself. Yikes!

Believe me when I say that I gave careful consideration to which of my goals would get such public acknowledgement! I reviewed the roles I play and the 5-10 goals I set in each role at the beginning of 2008.

Some goals I was pleased to check off my list. Done! Hooray! My long kayak trip! My trip to Florida! My bathroom floor! Promoting and filling my child care classes!

On some goals I’ve made good progress and will likely complete by the end of the year. I’m over 80% on my way to swimming 100 miles. I maintain my 300 minutes a week exercise record. Ray and I go out on dates at least twice a month. I’ve been pretty diligent about writing something once a month for my writers group.

Some goals just haven’t proved realistic. Getting teachers in our community to contribute stories for a book about our Character Education Initiative just hasn’t fired anyone’s passion but my own – and that not enough to do alone. Some goals were great ideas when I set them, but I haven’t been able to maintain my initial excitement for them – planting 20 new trees, buying a new – and hot – car, a variety of writing projects.

But some goals do indeed represent an aim that I want or need to achieve, but just haven’t yet received the attention they deserve. I’ve decided to focus my efforts on two of those goals in the 85 days I have left before 2008 will be a memory.

First, I will resume my quest to drop weight. Oh I know. We’re heading into high-calorie time, and that will make it harder. But I did very well in the early part of the year, dropping about 10 pounds, and then I lost momentum. I’m going to aim at a modest loss of 5 or more pounds in the next 85 days. I can do this. I know how. And now I’m accountable to you as well as to myself.

Second, I am going to finish re-writing and updating my book, Find the Love of Your Life! I’ve sold nearly 500 copies since it was published in 2000, and it’s time to put out the second edition. I’ve found though, that a straight re-printing is not what I want to do. I’ve changed and grown since I wrote the first edition, the world of meeting people has changed, and I know I can help folks successfully navigate the internet process of meeting a prospective partner. After all, I’ve done it – my method of finding love has worked – twice! I’m over halfway through the re-write process, and I commit to have this second edition ready for publication by the end of December, 2008.

There – two goals that I can and will achieve. Knowing that you know what I’m aiming at will help me stay on target. As will focus. I know that if I attempt to do fifteen things, I won’t do those things as well as if I were to focus on just one or two. William James says that to make a change – which is what meeting a goal certainly is – you must 1) Start immediately, 2) Do it flamboyantly (as in sending a blog to the world) and 3) Make no exceptions.

So tonight while Antique Road Shows is on television, I’ll be listing everything I ate today and working on Chapter 7. What will you be doing tonight – and for the next 85 days?

Sally

Monday Moment - 93 Days and Counting

2008-09-29T14:11:00.000-07:00

Does it seem like the first of a month sneaks up on you? It’s not like the end of a month is exactly an unexpected revelation. It just somehow always catches me by surprise. And there is something about the first of October that especially astounds me every single year.

Probably all this surprise has a little to do with my annual denial that summer is over. I drag my feet into fall – and those would be my cold feet, the very ones that I resist covering with socks until it just can’t be helped. I can never make myself put all those summer clothes away – and I certainly will not drag out a single turtleneck or anything made of wool until far later in the season. If you’ve ever heard me speak about embracing change, I apologize for this integrity breach. I find it ever so difficult to embrace the fall.

But march forth we must – and there’s no use whining about it. Or at least there’s no use whining any more than I already have. This would be me – commencing to stop whining. And perhaps to start winning instead.

Last week, on September 22 (a late happy birthday wish to my sister) it came to my notice that there were only 100 days left in 2008. And now there are only 93. This notice came to me courtesy of Gary Ryan Blair who created the 100 Day Finish Strong Challenge. You can find out more at http://www.goalguru.com/recommends/100DayChallenge. And I can tell you that I wish I’d thought of the idea!

The gist is that in the next 100 days – or 93 as the case may be – we can focus our energies and accomplish amazing things. Great idea, huh? A wish with a deadline.

As I look back on my 2008 goals, though, I can see that in some cases, the last 100 days of the year aren’t nearly as important as the first 100. For example, I’m on track now with my goal to swim 100 miles in 2008. But that wouldn’t be the case if I hadn’t broken my goal down so that I’d reach 25 miles by the end of March, 60 miles by the end of June, and 80 miles by the end of September. If I were just starting now, I suppose I could swim a mile a day every day, but I know myself and my schedule too well to know that just wouldn’t happen.

Still I love the idea of challenging myself in the last 93 days of the year, and I’m combing through the goals I set some 270 days ago to see which ones haven’t yet had the attention they need and which still fire enough passion so I’m willing to invest my energy on them. I’ve learned that I do better when I ponder and prepare before I push right in so that’s what I’m going to do this week. Next week – I’ll let you know what goal I’ll be focusing on for the last 86 days of the year!

What can you do for yourself in 93 days?

Monday Moment - Just 5 hours from home

2008-09-22T08:50:00.000-07:00

It’s been a whirlwind for me in the last couple weeks – the level of busy that other people seem to manage with their eyes closed but that make me feel just a little unprepared for what’s coming next. There’s been a wedding, the final efforts on a consulting project, child care classes beginning, a theater experience, and a visit from my sister and her husband all the way from Kansas. Whew!

Well I make it all seem like it happened in the space of a week and it’s really been spaced out over about three weeks. But still. And it’s all been good. I’ll probably share some insights I’ve had from these various experiences – after I reflect on them a while for which I haven’t yet made space in my head.

So I’ll start with the wedding. Jeremy and I met a dozen years ago or so through work with our good friends at Executive Edge (www.executiveedgeinc.com – you’ll be impressed.) He was 18 and I was more than twice his age. We saw each other just one week a year for about ten years, but the nature of our work and the nature of Jeremy meant that we always looked forward to the next time we’d see each other. And along the way, another friend – closer to my age than his – and I did a fair amount of relationship counseling with this lovely young man. So I was thrilled to hear that he was getting married – and honored to be included on his guest list. No question. Had to go!

In order to attend, Ray and I drove 3 hours in New York, 1 hour in Pennsylvania, and 1 hour in Ohio – and had not just a lovely time at Jeremy and Jaime’s wedding, but also got to experience that natural learning and broadening stuff that comes with spending a little time even a short way from home. Ah travel!

First the wedding. Lovely. A bride who shimmered with excitement. A groom who stood tall and firm. Exuberant love of family. Great food prepared by the men and women of Jeremy’s home church. Dance floor crammed with friends and family. A chance to participate in creating a sand painting sculpture as a memento for the bride and groom. Good friends (those same Executive Edge folks) at our table. Meeting – and approving of – another young friend’s boyfriend. Oh. And by special request of the bride and groom – Jello shots made by friends and family. Overall, fun, endearing, a delightful experience that I feel privileged to attend.

And then more time with friends learning about their adventures – a ten-year-old’s view of exercising with Wii-Fit, planning trips to the Northwest, sailing lessons, learning to jump on Joe the horse. And lots more.

Meanwhile, all this took place in a part of the country populated by some 12,000 Amish people. So there was interest and curiosity about a culture that includes horses, buggies, bonnets, and quilts. We only dipped a toe into this country, but still our minds felt expanded.

On our way home, a billboard that announced PerchFest caught our eyes – and minutes later we were on our way toward Fairport Harbor, Ohio, where a fishing contest has spawned a terrific Perch and Walleye dinner and festival. There was a talent show – PerchFest Idol we assumed – a very interesting small maritime museum, and a lighthouse with 69 open steps spiraling toward the top. I clung to the rail, hand over hand, all the way to the top where the view of Lake Erie was worth it – before I realized that it was a lot scarier coming back down!

It was a grand trip. Just two nights and five hours away from home – but it was a whole world away. And that whole world entered into our psyches to become part of who we are. That’s the thing I find most interesting about going somewhere new. It’s what we learn – sometimes when we don’t even realize it – that makes us more open, more understanding, more compassionate, more curious about our fellow beings of all species. I’m thinking I should encourage more young people I know to marry – for their own happiness sure, but also so I have the chance for more of these kinds of broadening experiences that I savor so much!

Here’s wishing you the particular brand of broadening experience you savor in the week ahead!

Sally

Monday Moment - Back at the Paddle Again

2008-09-08T18:01:00.001-07:00

As many of you know, I set a big goal in the summer of 2007 to paddle my pretty little kayak the length of Canandaigua Lake, about 15 miles – and did on July 23, 2007. It’s been in my mind to make that an annual jaunt, so a 2008 paddle has also been in the works – in my mind and in my plans, but not exactly as laser focused as was my 2007 goal.

With one such long paddle under my belt, I was confident I could do it again – maybe a little too confident. I didn’t train quite so much as I did last year, finding excuses in the thunderous weather patterns of July and the heat and winds of August. I planned to do my paddle later in the summer – so I didn’t feel the urgency to get out there quite so early or so often. And doing something the second time has never carried the thrill level of a first for me. I’m a person who loves new experiences, who gets excited at the start of a project, but all too often bogs down in the middle.

However, even with all my less-than-focused preparation for my lake-length paddle, I still did it. Early last Thursday morning, Ray drove me and my boat to the south end of Canandaigua Lake so I could try the south-to-north experience to mirror last year’s north-to-south paddle.

I was aware as we drove and after I launched that this year’s paddle felt more that I was keeping a promise to myself than I was doing it for pure enjoyment. I thought, “I’m doing this more to say I did it than because I really want to do it.” I felt a little sore from last minute training the two days before, and the temptation to roll over instead of roll out had been pretty strong that morning.

But even with all that, I found myself in the midst of pure enjoyment after all. I paddled steadily in no great hurry – and in the first hour from the south end, I saw not one other boat on the lake. It was all mine in the quiet of a gentle breeze at my back. Even as I got further north, I saw only a few devoted fisher-folk either anchored or slowly trolling on my lake.

At about the half-way point – which I could detect more easily this year because of last year’s experience – the wind shifted to the north and I was grateful for its cooling effect. About the same time, I realized that my pace was considerably quicker than last year. I’d thought I might shave some time from last year’s five hours because I had stopped so often to take pictures that I didn’t feel so compelled to take this year. But even taking less camera time into account, I was further than I thought I’d be. Huh.

My goal never – last year or this – included a time element. I estimated how long it might take both times – more to plan how much food and water I should take along and to worry whether I might need a bathroom break before I reached my destination. (I didn’t either time despite drinking lots of water along the way. Whew!) The idea was to finish, never to compete against a deadline.

But in 2008, it became clear – especially as I reached areas closer to the north end where I’ve paddled more frequently – that I would certainly beat last year’s time. And maybe by a lot! At around the three hour mark, I estimated that I might actually be able to finish a whole hour ahead of last year’s time – and that became a new goal.

By this time, though, I was hurting a little. I needed to shift my leg position more often, the muscles in my arms complained with the push and pull of every stroke, and my abdominal muscles also strained. It’s always a surprise to me, but even when though kayaking looks like you only use your arms, it actually works your whole upper body – and on that day, I knew it. So my choice became slow down and prolong the hurt, speed up and get it over with quicker, or maintain the steady pace, knowing that that I’d get there and this too, would pass without any lasting damage.

Mostly I maintained my steady pace. But I did keep checking the clock. It soon became clear that I wouldn’t break four hours, but I didn’t miss it by much. My 2008 lake length paddle took four hours and eight minutes. Yea!

Last year I reflected on what I learned in my lake-length paddle and I was curious to see how that compared to my 2008 experience. Let’s compare.

In 2007, I said that setting a goal is an act of power. Oh yeah, I wouldn’t have rolled out last Thursday morning without a goal nagging at me!

In 2007, I said that a deadline helped motivate me to keep to a training schedule. Ah, that’s where my laser focus got a little fuzzier this year.

In 2007, I saw the bragging rights as a big reward for my effort. I still like looks of stupefaction, but I notice that my closest friends and family seemed less impressed – as did I – than they did last year. There is something magic about that first time achievement – which says to me that an effective goal has to stretch beyond our current achievements in order to fully motivate – and fully impress others as well as ourselves.

In 2007, I realized that although getting ready for a big goal is important, it’s also important to get off the dime and just do it – ready or not. I said, “I need to remember that taking on any new challenge won’t feel easy-chair comfortable – and I don’t need it to. I’m tough enough to withstand a little emotional and/or physical discomfort.” In 2008, I proved to myself that, in fact, I am tough enough to keep paddling through a little pain. That’s good to know, but maybe next year, I’ll work a little harder to get ready – and that might break my four hour, eight minute record.

In 2007, I was reminded that many people look toward physical challenges as a way to stretch in emotional, intellectual, social, environmental, and spiritual arenas too. Same goes for 2008. I believe more than ever in tangible efforts that give big intangible rewards.

And in 2007 – and in 2008 – I found that reflecting on what I learned added spice and flavor to the experience. It’s been great to share my bragging rights with you. But I said last year, and I’d like to reiterate that what really excites me is to hear about the challenges you’re taking on. Let me know by replying to my blog at http://healthypeoplelearn.blogspot.com.

And may you have opportunity to share bragging rights of your own for some new achievement this week!

Monday Moment - Rock Band Aspirations

2008-08-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

For the past dozen years or so, I’ve traveled to Florida in early August to work with my good friends at Executive Edge on a program that helps Ernst & Young student interns learn about teambuilding in this impressive firm. Working on this program always bends my mind in new and interesting ways – whether it’s the work itself (quite unlike what I do the rest of the year), the vastly interesting folks on the Executive Edge team, or this one time I dip my toes into the corporate culture of an enormous global industry.

Since my older sister, brother-in-law, and two nieces, 3 great-nieces and a great-nephew all live within shouting distance of this program I always plan an extra day or two to hang out with my fam – and this year, they gave my mind – and fingers, and eyeballs – a little bending too!

From about 10PM-2AM on the evening I arrived, our younger generations tutored me on the nuances of playing Rock Band. If you’ve not yet discovered Rock Band or Guitar Hero, then you may not understand just how ineptly I was tutored. I guess you should just trust me on this. Or ask my fam because they’d certainly testify that I am really, really bad at this game! I’m holding out the hope that anyone who plays for the first time would be equally as bad – but I’m not certain that such a hope is justified.

I’ve had a lot of curiosity about Rock Band and Guitar Hero because what I’ve read and heard indicate that they aren’t your typical video games. But I hadn’t had any first-hand experience until I visited a 22-year-old’s apartment and requested a demonstration. I’m just guessing that this young man and his roommate have logged hours and hours on Guitar Hero – and that they both have more natural musical and/or rhythmic ability than I. Their expert level demonstrations helped me get the gist of the process – but mostly left me awed and intimidated.

They insisted I try my hand on the guitar – and heaped on encouraging words as I missed more notes than I hit. “You were on the right notes,” said one. “It was just your timing that was off.” “It helps if you know the song,” said the other, assuming I was hearing Pat Benatar for the first time. It didn’t really help me all that much to know the song.

So when the kids in my fam wanted me to play Rock Band, I had my doubts. They tend to think I’m just a little cooler than I really am – a rumor I hate to dispel. So even though my lack of ability was fully anticipated – by me and by them – I thought, why not? And the evening turned out to be a lesson – in humility certainly, but also in stretching beyond one’s comfort zone.

The only way one grows is to stretch and try new things. Even – and maybe especially – when we know we’ll be unsuccessful at something new. Though I far prefer to be good at what I attempt, playing Rock Band reminded me that it’s okay – and actually lots of fun - to be inept!

Of course, when one is faced with potential ineptitude, it helps to be in supportive company. They put me on bass, helped me learn how to select EASY, and laughed at their own challenges at least as much as they laughed at mine. And we all had fun!

Playing Rock Band with my fam is just one reason why there was no Monday Moment last week. Stretching beyond one’s comfort zone almost guarantees that time flies away. May you have some similar – and fun – stretching moments in the week to come!

Monday Moment - Massaging Your Message

2008-07-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

I’m writing to you from a unique position on this bright Monday – sitting on an exercise ball instead of in my usual chair at my usual desk. And there-in lies a bit of a story – and some stuff I learned which I’d like to share with you.

For the past few weeks, I’ve had a nagging issue with my sciatica – a catch in my lower back that is sometimes acutely painful and sometimes merely uncomfortable. I tried to rest – though it wasn’t easy to find a relaxing position. I tried stretching – using some excellent stretches shown by my former massage therapist. I tried swimming, walking, and being active to loosen up this nasty tightness.

All those – and liberal use of ibuprofen – helped some. But the nagging ache continued.

I knew from past experience that massage would help a great deal – but my regular massage therapist has moved out of town and is no longer doing massage. I’ve been going to Karen for several years, and I was out of touch with other massage therapists in my community. What to do, what to do? Mostly my plan was to hope it might just go away on its own – but my hope was not terribly strong.

Then at our monthly writers group meeting, Brenda, whose work doesn’t allow her to join us very often, mentioned that she also is a licensed massage therapist. Hooray! It took a little juggling for the two of us to schedule a session, but you can imagine that my hope level was certainly rising.

And with good reason. In addition to an excellent massage, Brenda gave me several great suggestions for helping my sciatica to heal – and to prevent it from coming back. And that’s what I want to share with you! Even if you’re not troubled by this particular issue – or haven’t been yet – you might find these stretches and ideas useful.

· Sit on an exercise ball. In addition to distributing one’s weight in a way that a chair can’t do, an exercise ball gives your butt a massage as you sit. Brenda tells me that some kids with ADHD can even go off their medications if they are allowed to sit on a ball at school. Interesting! Brenda urged me to find a lower surface for my keyboard and try sitting on a ball while I work. I’m still getting used to that process and I’m not yet sure ball-sitting would work for me every single day. But I can tell you that I haven’t stopped bouncing and swaying all through this message – so apparently I’m massaging while I’m messaging. And so far, it feels pretty good!
· After sitting a long time or while you’re traveling, find a set of stairs. Stand with just one foot on the step and let your other leg and foot just hang – while you hold onto the rail for balance! Sitting shortens a muscle in the groin, Brenda says, and this exercise helps lengthen it again. Let one leg hang for a minute and then turn around and let the other hang.
· Brenda reminded me about using a tennis ball to help relax and stretch one’s feet. Just rolling your foot around on it feels great. A physical therapist once told me that some people with plantar fasciitis find it helpful to freeze a water bottle and roll that under their foot. Apparently not everyone likes that much cold, but it’s been a great thing for me to do.
· Brenda also suggested lying on the floor and putting your feet up on a chair, couch, or whatever you have handy. She says it’s relaxing, and it helps your back realign itself.

As I was leaving – quite relaxed and feeling more limber than I had in days – Brenda gave me a tour of her tiny – and miraculous – garden. I mentioned that my former massage therapist was big into gardening too. Brenda twinkled. “It’s that nurturing thing,” she said.

Which leads me to another tip – from me this time. Find your own nurturing, gardening therapist and make an appointment soon! Not only will it feel great, but just imagine what you might learn!

May you feel nurtured – and bouncy – this week!

Sally

Monday Moment - A Film That Made Me Think

2008-07-21T13:14:00.000-07:00

I saw a movie over the weekend that I’d like to recommend - Charlie Wilson’s War. It’s a story populated with larger than life characters and a fascinating piece of our country’s history that was completely unknown to me before.

For those of you who haven’t seen the film – and I’m guessing most of you are far more up-to-the-minute than I regarding popular culture – I’ll do a quick recap.

Charlie Wilson was an actual US Congressman from Texas – a playboy who seemed mostly interested in whiskey, women, and fun. He represented a district where constituents were mostly interested in religion and guns and therefore didn’t need or want him to do much for them. So he felt free to make himself agreeable to other members of Congress – and collected a lot of favors owed.

One constituent, the fifth wealthiest woman in Texas and a former Cotton Bowl Queen – both of which got Charlie’s attention – did, however, espouse a cause for which she wanted Charlie’s help. Joanne H wanted the United States to help Afghanistan defeat the Soviet invasion of 1980. Ultra-right wing, Christian fundamentalist, rich enough to not have a care in the world, Joanne had deep passion for the plight of Afghanis dealing with Soviet atrocities in their country. And if she and Charlie could kick some Communist butt in the meantime, so much the better.

Long story short – that’s what happened. Charlie Wilson called in his favors and raised appropriations to Afghanistan from $5 to $250 million, brokered an arms deal between very unlikely players in the middle east – all of which led to the defeat and withdrawal of Soviet troops from Afghanistan and the eventual demise of the USSR as we knew it.

What Charlie Wilson was not able to do was to generate support to help rebuild Afghanistan after the Soviets withdrew. According to the film and dvd interviews, he tried to muster Congressional support to build schools – especially considering that the war had left a huge population of Afghanistan under the age of 14. The film ends with his quote, paraphrased “We did grand and glorious things and the world changed – and we messed up the end game.”

It’s the end game I keep thinking about – how I and most Americans can be so oblivious about an area of the world that has turned out to have such a huge impact on us, how willing our government was to purchase guns, how unwilling it was to prevent the vacuum that allowed the Taliban to take power, how insular governmental and charity giving seems to have been about this issue.
Some months ago I wrote about Greg Mortensen’s attempts to build schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan – all with charitable donations (Three Cups of Tea). Where, I wonder, has Mrs. Rich Texan been in that effort? When the government wouldn’t allocate $1million to build schools, did Charlie imagine asking Mrs. Rich Texan to support that effort?
I don’t know the answers to those questions, but I know where some of my charitable giving will go in future months and years. I wish I’d known – and comprehended - the need years ago. Now that my awareness if not my full understanding has been raised, I can’t in conscience not seek out ways to help provide a positive future for Afghani children. I wish my motivation were more altruistic, but in truth I see it only as enlightened self-interest.
May you find a cause that fires your belly in the week ahead.
Sally

Monday Moment - Treating Myself to a Times

2008-07-14T14:57:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I treated myself to a Sunday New York Times. Now that doesn’t sound like much of a treat – unless you’ve read a Sunday Times lately. What a window on the world!

There’s a window on a world I don’t know – the Chanel platform pump priced at $975. The ad only showed one and used the singular as I just did – but surely you get two shoes for that price? Especially since the design was so unusual that you’d surely wear them only ever so occasionally.

There’s a window on films and plays that makes what is offered at my local Cineplex (to which I hardly ever get anyway) look paltry and pathetic in comparison. And the window on New York Society – well there’s another world I will never know. And I put the book review section aside so I can’t yet imagine all the windows that might open up for me!

I confess that I skimmed, rather than read, the greater number of articles in the Times. But two articles really caught my attention – start to finish.

The first was about bicycling in Paris – and tapped into a belief that people will make healthy and positive environmental choices when it is easy to do so. The city of Paris has contracted with an independent supplier who has established bicycle rental kiosks all over the city – and especially close to Metro stops. Folks can subscribe to unlimited half-hour trips which allows most commuters to get to their destination and turn in the bike at the conveniently located kiosk nearby – all for about $50 a year. And people do use the bikes! A lot! You can rent the bikes by the day or by the hour too, but for commuting they have various subscription plans that make it easy and enjoyable to use bikes instead of cars. Brilliant!

Naturally there are some kinks. Traffic is too congested in parts of Paris to ride safely on a bike, and helmets are not yet required. But what a terrific notion – to make it easy to get exercise and reduce emissions! Seems like it could be a window of opportunity!

The second article had to do with a public health doctor attempting to convince the 96% of the citizens of an African country that they should use soap when washing their hands. Since I spend a fair amount of effort teaching benefits of handwashing to child care staff, kids, and anyone I can – I was fascinated with her approach. She found that just telling people that their hands carried germs wasn’t enough to change their behavior. So she went to Madison Avenue to find out how the marketers convince us to use toothpaste twice a day, use deodorant, and spray Febreze on our upholstery to finish a room cleaning ritual. All these are habits that advertising has helped shape in us – like washing our hands with soap.

Seems like the advertising folks know what they’re doing. After their campaign – which included making bathroom activity seem gross and disgusting – there has been a significant gain in washing hands with soap. Now that we know how to do it in Africa, maybe we can learn how to do it here too. Check out my favorite hand-washing website www.henrythehand.com for some tips on how to avoid infecting others and yourself with unwashed hands!

All that interesting information – and a lot more – just from treating myself to a New York Times. I recommend it! Oh and by the way – I haven’t finished the crossword yet, but I plan to tonight!

May you enjoy whatever treat you’d most like this week!

Sally

Monday Moment - A Deeper Pursuit of Fun

2008-07-07T16:03:00.000-07:00

It was a weekend of revelry – with friends and family too seldom seen and complete with the brilliance of talented young musicians, fireworks, and abundant sunshine! Add in the guilty pleasures of pig on a plate, and you’ve got a pretty accurate vision of my July 4th weekend! Fun!

My own experiences of Independence Day are largely focused on fun. When I was a kid, my family swam, picnicked, and shielded my tender ears and eyes from the fireworks’ biggest bangs. In my teen years, my folks and I went to a small town that was famous for its colony of Swedish settlers – and a great 4th of July parade. Our first year there, the parade perplexed us. It was a good long parade that started looking familiar after a while. Turns out, all the bands, floats, and candy-throwing cars circled the parade route twice! Why settle for fun when you could have twice the fun?

While working at the National 4-H Center after college, I – and about 600 4-H kids – gaped at the sights we’d only seen on postcards and television as bright blooms of fire burst over all the Monuments that can be seen from the roof of the Kennedy Center in Washington, DC. I had the privilege to experience our country’s bi-centennial in a small Kansas town. And I’ve had a front row seat at the edge of Canandaigua Lake while the crowd behind me couldn’t contain their oohs and ahhs at the beauty in front of them.

Fun!

I’m not sure when I set the goal to read the Declaration of Independence start to finish on July 4th – and I certainly can’t claim to have remembered my goal every year since I set it. But when I have remembered, I found that reading those amazing words, remembering the radical and yet rational steps those guys took in Philadelphia, and all that has been done (and all those who have done it) to protect those principles – well it all just deepens my fun.

And in the hopes that it might turn out that way for you too (with apologies to anyone who might be getting a duplicate on this topic), I offer it here – with the hopes that you also had a July 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th full of good fun, good folk, and food – and that your summer will be rich in the pursuit of fun!

Sally

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America
hen in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

Monday Moment - Thinking About Lazy Days

2008-06-30T15:43:00.000-07:00

This was a beautiful morning – the kind that summer dreams are made of – so I opted to take my kayak out for the first paddle of the season. What an excellent choice that was! Warm sun, cool water, birds chirping – especially where homeowners have put up purple marten houses – the lake nearly to myself. And almost two hours of ‘think time.’

I once heard Earl Nightingale (quoting someone else whose name I’ve forgotten) say something to the effect that a thought was the hardest thing in the world to complete. I’ve been trying to prove that guy wrong ever since. This morning wasn’t the time to achieve that goal.

I’m often amazed at my mind’s myriad and seemingly random meanderings. I’ll find myself thinking about some odd memory (or half-thought idea) and wonder how on earth I got to that particular slice of the old gray matter. Then nothing will do but to trace – or attempt to – the free association that got me there. It can be a pretty entertaining thing, my head.

Today’s thoughts were of summer – all its joys and opportunities.

The summer of 2008 looms ahead of me – with more uncommitted time than I’ve had in years. This unscheduled time shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but somehow it has. What’s more surprising is that I don’t have well-defined goals about how to fill that time. And I can’t decide whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

I certainly would like to invest my time wisely this summer – to have something in September that I can look back on with pride – a job done, tasks checked off the to do list, or perhaps an experience that can be checked off my life-list – with photographic evidence of course.

However, I’ve also played with the notion that I might experiment with just taking the summer off. Waking up without a plan for what needs to be accomplished that day. Just being – and doing whatever suits me on any given day. Sounds like ultimate luxury - like summers were back when I was a kid – or at least the hazy way I remember summers then.

Truth is, even then there were schedules – swim lessons, Bible School, camp, the 4-H Fair, canning tomatoes and freezing corn where my help was expected and required. And truth is, those scheduled events are among my most vivid and most treasured memories of summer.

The desire to be productive is part of being human, I think – part of the richness of being alive. So I don’t think I’ll be satisfied with an entire summer of lazy days. Just what my summer to do list will be – well, that’s still an incomplete thought. I think I’ll need a few more long paddles – and maybe just a few more lazy days – to figure that out.

Wishing you whatever you want most for your summer!

Sally

Monday Moment - Do What You Love!

2008-06-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

I’ve long been a fan of The Wizard of Oz so when Wicked came to Rochester a few weeks ago, I made it my business to secure tickets. The Rochester Broadway Theatre League brings four or five big musical productions to town every year – and I used to go fairly often – but I hadn’t been in years.

But Wicked, I thought, was not to be missed. I wanted to steep myself in the show before it arrived so I picked up Gregory Maguire’s book and gave myself a whole month to read it. Normally, whenever I read a book before seeing a movie or play based on that book, I like the book a whole lot more. At least twice lately, that pattern has been broken. Love in the Time of Cholera was a beautiful film – and a book that was a lot of work. And Wicked was a delightful romp on stage and honestly, an agony to read.

Well, agony is perhaps too strong a word. Or maybe not. I kept thinking that being wicked ought to be more fun! But Elphaba, our Wicked Witch of the West, didn’t seem to enjoy her “beautiful wickedness” as much as I thought she ought to. I certainly gained sympathy for her, but I just couldn’t work up the delicious scare I’ve always gotten from Margaret Hamilton’s Wicked Witch of the West. Being wicked seemed a lot more exhausting than fun! Of course that could be because the book goes on for decades and decades of Elphaba’s life. Maybe it was me who was exhausted.

But on stage, Elphaba was sympathetic, engaging, and fun! And Glinda, flighty and fairly annoying in the book, maintained that flightiness in the funniest and most engaging way imaginable! It was entirely understandable that she should acquire the level of popularity to which she aspired. She injected exponential fun in every situation.

Light and dark (or in this case, green) served the other as Elphaba the green and Glinda the goofy developed a heartfelt friendship that was touching to see. Their signature song - “I don’t know if I’ve been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I’ve been changed for good” – demonstrated that without the wicked, the good wouldn’t have been as goodm, and nor was the wicked, perhaps, as wicked as it seemed.

Ahh. Food for thought. And high level entertainment that I am absolutely glad I didn’t miss.

And there’s the lesson for me – beyond the lessons of friendship and courage of Wicked’s plot. If I enjoy musical theatre as much as I clearly do – then why in the heck has it been so long since I’ve taken advantage of the opportunity? It’s not as if I have to travel to Broadway or Toronto to see a great show. I can get to the theater, park, and be in my seat in less than an hour. Yes, tickets are pricey. And worth skimping on some other minor luxuries.

I’m reminded of one of Sid Simon’s values strategies that asks you to name 20 Things You Love to Do – and then asks just when you had last done each of them. Well, I can guarantee you that my absence from that Auditorium Theater will not be nearly as prolonged in future years. In fact, I’ve set a goal – and you know how I am about my goals – that I will attend no fewer than one touring Broadway show each year for the rest of my life!

Next year’s season has already been announced. After Wicked I have to see The Wizard of Oz, now don’t I? And maybe The Drowsy Chaperone and Jersey Boys, and…

Wishing you opportunities to do something from your 20 Things I Love to Do list this very week!

Sally

Monday Moment - Cleaning House

2008-06-16T09:11:00.000-07:00

Last week I hosted my book group for the first time since I became a member. Well, you know what that means, right? I felt compelled to work like a dog to clean my house within an inch of its life!

Generally I’ve always believed that my friends should and will take me – and my house – as I am. And generally, that’s been how it has been. People who like me understand that I’m a “stuff-person” and that I tend to place more focus on creativity than either neatness or cleanliness. I don’t see that as a bad thing – never have. I like my creativity – and I like that my house acts as a palette for said creativity.

And yet. I do recognize that I – and my stuff – can go over the top on occasion. I’m sure it’s a genetic thing. I can blame my pack-rat tendencies as squarely on my mother as I can my hips and thighs. I undoubtedly also got a dose of house-pride from Mom too. After all, I remember helping to clean our home place within an inch of its life when it was her turn to host her Club – theoretically formed so they could sew together until they found a lot more fun in playing cards.

House-pride is something I’ve seen in all our previous book group gatherings as well. Over half our group are either new to our community or have moved back after some time away – and live in immaculate new homes. You know the kind – where the original paint has yet to chip from corners or become scuffed from the daily traffic of living. Only one has children still living at home, and although a few have animals, they seem to be of the extraordinarily well-behaved variety with whom I can only claim only passing acquaintance. These are homes that sparkle and shine – and intimidate lesser house-keepers like me.

Hence my compulsion to show off my home in its best light – which required a sort of archaeological scraping through various strata of my life. There was stuff to dump, stuff to give away, stuff to put away, stuff to clean and lovingly display. Oy! And anytime I paused, thinking that maybe I was nearly done, there was something else that needed attention. Baseboards, cupboard knobs, picture frames, lampshades, it seemed like it would never end.

I kept thinking that next time they come it will be easier. For one thing, the house will be one more year cleaner. But for another, next time they’ll be content to sit in the living room without wanting a tour of the whole darn house!

The rooms we spend the most time in (all right – except for my office which is sadly a bit of a catch-all) stay reasonably clean and neat. It’s those other rooms – my office, sewing area, guest room (another catch-all until someone comes to stay) and all the nooks and crannies that don’t get a lot of regular attention.

And that – perhaps – has emerged as my goal. Perhaps, if I straighten, neaten, purge, and clean one room every week (oh cripes, for the rest of my life!) then the task of getting the whole house clean at one time won’t be so gut-busting. Oh that would be such a good goal. But I know myself – and it’s not likely to happen every week. Not when there are kayaks to paddle, gardens to work in, books to read, and any of the other myriad of more enjoyable things to do.

So then, let’s amend the goal. One of those lesser used rooms every month. Just an hour at a time. Seems doable. I’ll let you know – next year when it’s my turn to host book group again!

Oh by the way, there were oohs, ahhs, and wow’s when they came last week. So the effort was well justified, my house-pride emerged intact, and – at least momentarily – we live in a clean and still creative house.

May you accomplish some goal that makes you proud in the coming week!

Monday Moment - Lessons from My Bathroom Floor

2008-06-09T16:06:00.000-07:00

Three dogs - aging and occasionally incontinent - had turned the bathroom carpet ugly, but there was no point replacing it until all three had lived out their lives. So it was with mixed emotions that I approached a new bathroom floor.

On the one hand, I missed my canine companions, their funny ways, and unconditional devotion. The last one left us after nearly sixteen years of joyful wagging at the mere sound of my voice. That was only weeks ago and coming home hasn’t been the same since. So yes, I missed my doggers.

On the other hand, I couldn’t wait to get that gross carpet out of my house and my life forever! And since I purchased gorgeous stone tile over two years ago, I was thrilled, excited, and nearly drooling with anticipation to get that tile down on the bathroom floor!

My plan – painstakingly drawn and then enhanced with tiny scraps of post-it notes – wasn’t straight-forward. Why bother with simple when you can have creative? Since I wanted what I wanted, I was willing – even eager – to do it all myself.

Okay. So my previous experience with tile had been that mosaic trivet I made back in fourth grade. What’s that got to do with it? I’m handy – sort of. I wanted to learn. I don’t mind hard work. I could do this.

Was I crazy, I was asked. Did I want to take a chance of reducing the value of my house? What made me think I could do this? On my own? Did I remember other projects I’d done – the ones that were cobbled together and had required re-doing by someone with more skills and the right tools? Did I remember that all my previous projects fit that cobbled together description? (Not precisely accurate, I’d argue, but clearly my inquisitor was not willing to concede competence on any front.) Was I crazy? Certifiably insane?

“The jury’s still out on that one,” I said. I’d like to say that I remained calm and determined in the face of such doubt. Determined – certainly. Calm – not so much.

I conceded that I would need help – and clearly from someone who didn’t reside at my own address. Enter the Maintenance Cowboy. I’m not kidding. That’s what he calls his handyman business. Seth is his name – the Maintenance Cowboy. It seems that Seth and his wife – both trained chefs, by the way – lived in Colorado for a while until they decided that good schools and being near family would be better for their young children. But once a cowboy always a cowboy, it seems.

I know Seth has had a culinary education, but I don’t know where he got his handyman skills. But so far, I’ve not seen anything this guy can’t do – with the kind of calm, unflappable ‘we can do this’ style that fits my images of sixties western heroes. Think the Virginian with a little dose of Maverick humor.

The best thing was that this was a cowboy who can teach. At first, I think he wanted me there to interpret that creative plan of mine. He’s probably dealt with a lot of customers who kvetch when his work isn’t precisely what they expected. As the project got going, though, Seth welcomed my help, and encouraged me to take on more and more of the work. Yee-hah!

I never expected to learn life lessons while tiling my bathroom floor. I only expected to learn how to tile. But I do believe the lessons apply to life as well as tile. What do you think?

When you’re planning a project, find someone to help you. Make sure it’s someone who, if he doubts your competence, will keep his thoughts to himself and who will calmly and patiently show you what needs to be done.

Don’t automatically expect that person to be the guy who promised to love, honor, and cherish you. All bets are off – or at least suspended – in the midst of a project where two of you don’t know what you’re doing.

Expect to apply a factor of four – or more. As in: The project will cost four times what you thought it would cost. You will make four more trips to Lowe’s than you anticipated you’d make (all right, maybe it was six trips). You will need four (all right, nine) more tiles than you purchased. It will take four times as long as you thought it would take. And so forth – times four.

Factor in hidden costs: clothing permanently stained, the cost of pizza, take out, and fast food meals because you won’t have time or energy left to shop and certainly not to cook.

The end result won’t be perfect. Tiny misjudgments in spacing expand along the way, causing bigger spacing issues later. And in the end, you’re the only one who will know where those little – or sometimes bigger – goofs show up. As the cowboy says, “Grout hides a multitude of sins.”

The grout and other gunk will eventually wear off your skin – even if it has epoxy in it. Mere days later, that sandpaper-like feeling will be only a memory.

In the end, the beauty of your project – and the satisfaction of doing at least some of it yourself - will be worth it all! A bathroom floor can never replace a wagging tail, but it is a good thing in and of itself.

Monday Moment - Love in Every Note

2008-06-02T17:59:00.000-07:00

I had a long drive today, and since I’ve been up to my neck in a home improvement project during the last week (more on that next week maybe), I didn’t get to the library for my customary method of making a long car trip more enjoyable – an audio book.

With a book, an interminable trip goes quickly. Tempus fugit. In fact, sometimes I find myself slowing down as I return home – in an attempt to finish a chapter or a whole book.

But not this trip. I can tune in NPR for a good bit of the way so today I caught up on news I hadn’t heard or read in the last week. But somewhere along the Mohawk Valley, radio frequencies dessert me. Yikes! Interminable!

And then I remembered the tapes in the glove compartment – and the trip changed tempo once again.

You know how you’ll hear a piece of music, and it will take you back to a vivid memory in ways that few other things will do? That, in a nutshell, was my trip home.

In 1991, my late sweetie Dave began making what became annual music collections for me on cassette tapes. It started when I asked him to tape one song – James Brown singing “I feel good” – so I could do some chair aerobics in a workshop I was leading. But Dave couldn’t content himself with a single song. He gave me 90 minutes of “songs that made me think of you.” Thus began the annual tradition.

So today, although everyone else on the New York State Thruway was driving in 2008, I was living again in 1994. Dave’s memory lives for me every day, but listening to the music he selected to share with me in 1994 evoked more than just remembering the feelings of that time. I felt them – viscerally felt them – again.

There was sadness certainly. 1994 was a tough year. Dave had several big health setbacks in 1994, and some of the music spoke about “needing some magic to sweep him away” and life not being fair. And yet, 1994 was the year that we held our surprise wedding and had other countless relationship-deepening experiences together.

Dave’s been gone now for over nine years, and sometimes it seems as if our time together was in a different life. Until I hear his music – and Dave’s presence vibrates within me. So much of him and of our life together came back today, the humor and playfulness, the solid support we gave each other during tough times, the sustenance he wanted for me even after his life would end.

Losing Dave is not a present tragedy. I did my grieving and my healing, and life is good again. Sure there was some sadness. And there was also joy. I count joy remembered and felt again to be worth the sadness revisited. Well worth it! And there was such wonderful music – with love in every note!

May your heart sing with joy of past and present in the week to come!

Sally

Monday Moment - In the Company of Great Women

2008-05-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday one of the members of my book group hosted a “Book Group Movie Sunday.” It was a double-feature showing of two films based on books we’d read – with a very fun and very smart collection of women.

Usually I don’t like to be inside glued to a screen on a Sunday afternoon, but luck or the “Book Group Movie Sunday” gods must have been smiling on us because it was a perfect afternoon to huddle together in Barb’s cozy family room. Cold, rainy, and occasionally wild and windy – not at all what one might hope for the third Sunday in May, but just great for a Movie Sunday!

The first film, Love in the Time of Cholera, was beautifully rendered, and – we all agreed more enjoyable than actually reading the book by Miguel Marchez Garcia. The film was textured and layered, a visual treat. The book seemed dense and a lot of work. But hey, that was just our take on it.

The second film – after a pizza and wine break – was The Kite Runner, based on the book by Khaled Hosseini, was also visually gorgeous and knock-out powerful. We felt the same way about the book. Though it dealt with some incredibly difficult subjects, this is a book that teaches, enlightens, breaks one’s heart, and begins to mend it. And the film does what a film based on a great book so rarely does – it lived up to the book!

The films, though – as much as I enjoyed both of them – aren’t really what I wanted to write about today. No, the films were only a small part of the experience of “Book Group Movie Sunday” for me. The greater part of yesterday’s enjoyment came from the company of such an interesting women – none of whom I have been connected to for much longer than a year.

I’ve been acquainted with several of the women I now call my reading friends, but until talking about books gave us the excuse, our acquaintance hadn’t blossomed into real friendship. And the great majority of our group are women that I had never even met before joining the group. What a gift I have given myself!

We’re a diverse group. Some retired public school teachers, some currently teaching – from subbing to high school French, to non-credit child care, to college level nursing or art education – a nurse practitioner, a couple businesswomen. Individually and collectively, these are interesting women.

So I’m congratulating myself at least two ways. One, that I get to hang out with these women, and two, that I’m smart enough to recognize just what a gift that is. I haven’t always had the geographic proximity with women friends, and I am savoring the opportunity!

May you have such an opportunity to savor in the coming week – and maybe see some really good films and read some really good books as a bonus!

Sally

Monday Moment - Accelerating Through a Curve

2008-05-12T07:46:00.001-07:00

You know how it is when someone throws you a curve? Seems to me I either go off the road – or I accelerate through the curve and discover something new. Today’s curve actually seems to have helped me discover something old…

Today’s curve:
At 8:16, as I’m driving into Rochester to lead a training at 9AM, I got a call from the person who set up the training. Three of her staff – the three she most wanted to receive the training – didn’t show this morning. Could we reschedule?

Oy! Rochester is an hour from home, I don’t like to make unnecessary trips, and I already scheduled another commitment this afternoon – also in Rochester. Oy!

But maybe we could reschedule the training for this afternoon? Early afternoon so I could still make my other commitment? Okay then! First curve handled.
Now what to do till then? In Rochester, because I’m already in the city by this point and won’t make the trip back home to turn around and come back again. So I head for a free wi-fi place where I might do some work I’d brought along, draft my Monday message to you – and coincidentally enjoy a frothy cup of chai. Next leg of the curve handled.

And here’s the place where I accelerated and discovered something old. Do you recognize my stars? If you’ve joined the Monday Moments in the last few months, you probably won’t recognize my old email stationery. But if you’ve been with me for a long time, here are those old familiar yellow stars! Again!

Why did I re-instate the stars today? Because the curve gave me a little extra explore time that I’ve never seemed to take before. I thought – when I changed my email program – that my stars were gone forever. Alas. Truth is, I never really looked. I just assumed they were no longer available.

But today, when I took the time to look – because I had this unexpected curve – I found my stars again! They were lurking in the background all along. Who knew? Hooray for the curve that helped me find my stars!

I should know by now that what seems like bad news often turns into something helpful and positive. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to learn the lesson. I really hope that next time somebody throws me a curve, I’ll grin and step on the gas, knowing that whatever is on the other side of the curve can be terrific!

Wishing you something unexpected – and excellent in the coming week!

Sally

Monday Moment for Health - Make peace with your batting average

2008-05-05T14:13:00.000-07:00

Last week Ben Sherwood, author of The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud, came to my community as part of “Canandaigua Reads,” which has been modeled after similar programs often titled “What if everyone in (Chicago, Seattle, Rochester…) read the same book?”

Our school district has taken on this program in a big way, choosing a book that is appropriate for all our high school – and many of the middle school students, so that the whole school is buzzing about the same book. The acting classes put on a dramatization of scenes from the book for the community, discussion groups are held, and when we can get him or her here, the author comes to speak with students and community groups.

Ben Sherwood had a busy day last Thursday. He spoke to an assembly of all high school students, a classroom of kids who wanted to talk more deeply about the book, and students in our alternative high school – at least one of which had never taken another book home before. And then he spoke to two groups at the library, did a book-signing at our local – and quite phenomenal – grocery/pharmacy/all-purpose store, and spoke to another community group in the evening.

I was fortunate to attend three of these multiple sessions, but the one that I got most from was the Author’s Round Table in which Ben spoke with local authors about writing. He shared many useful tips, but the one that has stuck with me goes something like, “Make peace with your batting average.”

I’m not a die-hard baseball fan so please accept my advance apologies for the likelihood of mixed metaphors. But the idea goes like this. None of us – not even the greatest literary minds – bat a thousand. And most writers probably have a batting average between 200-400. Every page, every paragraph, every sentence won’t be a home run – even for the incredibly gifted.

Sherwood calls himself a 270 writer. If he edits carefully, he might raise his average ten points. With an excellent coach, he might gain another ten points. He wants to work diligently to get better at the writing craft, hoping for and aspiring to great works. But – and here’s the most important part of the message - he doesn’t let the fear of not batting a thousand – or even 500 – keep him from sitting down at the typewriter and banging out something! He recognizes that even a writer with a 270 batting average can have something important to say – and create a book that a high school student might take home for the very first time in his life.

As one who aspires to write, I immediately got what Ben Sherwood was trying to say. In fact I created a sign years ago that still hangs in my office. It says, “Write one BAD page every day!” If I try to write something brilliant every time I sit down to write, well believe me, I’ll find every procrastination excuse known to humankind before I put a single word to the page. But if I don’t worry about whether it’s good or not – and just write – I’m often surprised at what comes out.

It’s occurred to me to wonder in recent days if making peace with my batting average might be a good idea in other arenas of my life as well. I’ll never have the cleanest house, the nicest clothes, the most carefully managed weight, or any other of the hosts of pipedreams my less mature self might have hoped for. Nor do I need those pipedreams to live a satisfying – and still growth-oriented life.

As my friend and mentor Sid Simon taught me, “Perfection is not required. Excellence will do just fine.”

May you have a week of excellent attempts!

Sally

Monday Moment - Learning to be Fully Alive

2008-04-21T09:24:00.001-07:00

Last week I had one of those intense learning situations which always convince me that I am fully alive.

The process is often quite similar. I go in knowing very little outside my own frame of reference. I’m required to climb a steep learning curve to learn what others already seem to know. Along the way, I find ways to apply what I do know to a whole new situation, and I find my brain being bent in very interesting new ways.

I learn.

The fully alive part comes when I reflect and realize that any time I’m faced with one of those steep learning curves, parts of my mind – and my very essence – wake up and shake off the dregs of apparent hibernation.

The first month on a new job, walking into a room full of people of whom I know not one, being asked to defend a position when I cannot anticipate how to best express my views so that someone who may be important to my future can really hear what I have to say – all, in retrospect, are situations in which I felt fully alive.

And yet, I have a very strong – and I believe commonly shared – aversion to feeling dumb. Which is exactly what I feel when standing at the bottom and looking up at all I have to learn. If I anticipate that a situation might cause me to feel dumb, I might well do all I can to avoid being in that situation. Which means that I might lose out on all the learning and its subsequent fully alive feelings.

How dumb is that!

Here’s wishing you a week of feeling fully alive – even if that is preceded by a situation that feels uncomfortable in the beginning!

Sally

Monday Moment - Prevent Childhood Obesity

2008-04-14T09:22:00.000-07:00

In the last few weeks, I’ve had the opportunity to do some teaching around preventing childhood obesity, and I thought I’d share some of that info with you all on this bright sunny Monday. In 2006, I worked on a project with Cornell Cooperative Extension’s Expanded Food and Nutrition Program which helped me get a perspective on what parents and other caring adults might do to help kids develop healthy lifestyles – especially concerning weight issues. Here are a few highlights:

· Parenting/Caregiving Styles: Being Responsive and Firm – let’s call that Supportive – is the style that helps kids learn healthy attitudes toward food and activity. A Supportive Style is characterized by offering Choices Within Limits. Kids raised in either Neglectful (neither responsive nor firm) or Indulgent (responsive but not at all firm) styles may be twice as likely to be above healthy weight and are learning eating attitudes that will not serve them well as adults. Kids raised in a Dominating Style (not responsive but very firm) may be five times as likely to be above healthy weight. Five times! Choices within Limits is definitely the way to go!

· Divide Responsibility for Eating and for Active Play: Adults should only take responsibility for deciding WHAT food is served, WHEN it is offered, and HOW it is presented. Kids need to be allowed to decide WHETHER and HOW MUCH they will eat. Adults can require that kids take a “No thank you bite” to try a new food, but should even allow a child to spit out that bite if s/he wants to. Forcing kids to eat a food is not being responsive to their wants and needs! The same approach applies to Active Play. Adults provide opportunities and monitor safety and Kids decide WHETHER and HOW MUCH they move. This is a big shift in thinking for a lot of adults who are worried that kids get adequate nutrition – but dividing responsibility can also free families of unpleasant dinner-time dramas and make way for more pleasant associations with food experiences.

· Play more! Kids need 60 minutes of Active Play every day. And adults need at least 30 minutes of similar activity. Notice I didn’t say exercise. I said Active Play! Who doesn’t like to play? Sounds more appealing than exercise doesn’t it? And if kids have the chance to play – especially outside – they’ll run, jump, climb, and do all kinds of movement that their bodies need. They’ll get plenty of exercise!

· Limit Screen Time! Take televisions, computers, and video games out of kids’ bedrooms and put them into shared spaces in your home so you can control how much time kids spend in front of a screen. Aim at a max of 1-2 hours a day. Screen time robs kids of active play time – and exposes them to something like 10,000 food ads a year in addition to all the content that may be above their developmental levels. One system is to give kids coupons for a week’s worth of viewing, playing, or computer time, and have them choose – with your guidance – how they’ll use the time you allow.

· Watch out for sweetened drinks! Drink water or low-fat milk instead! A lot of popular beverages have loads of sugar in them – which can add up to a lot of extra calories. Read the label before you choose a drink and try to visualize how much sugar might be in a container. Remember that a lot of containers hold more than one serving, but the grams per sugar are listed per serving. For example, a 20-ounce bottle of cola might have as much as 15 teaspoons of sugar in it!

· Eat fast foods no more than 1-2 times a week! In spite of the convenience, fast foods tend to cost more, be high in fat and calories, and have large portion sizes! At a fast food restaurant, we’re more likely to have fried foods and sweetened beverages. When you do go to fast food, go armed with knowledge by downloading their Nutrition Facts charts. When you’re with a child, decide before you get there what two or three choices you’ll offer, and then let the child choose between the options you present.

These are just a few highlights of what I’ve learned. There’s more to know about raising kids with healthy attitudes toward food and play. You can get more info at mypramid.gov and lots of other places on the internet or from your local Cooperative Extension office. If you have a chance to influence a child, these tips – and remembering that the child will pay attention more to what you do than what you say – can help the child learn about healthy ways to eat and play!

Have a truly nourishing week!

Sally

Monday Moment - Knowing When to Quit

2008-04-07T19:03:00.000-07:00

In the last couple of days, I’ve been re-learning a lesson I should have learned long ago – knowing when to quit.

And how have I been learning this lesson? Ah… experience… A favorite adage of mine is that good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes quite frequently from really bad judgment!

My bad judgment came on Saturday – a direct result of glorious spring weather. One patch of vivid yellow crocus urged me to scrape away the wintry debris from my garden beds, and then there was another patch of purple, and then there were daffodil stems growing up through last fall’s leaves, and one thing led to yet another.

For a couple hours, I raked, hauled, and thoroughly enjoyed myself. The sun was warm, moving felt good, and results were richly rewarding. I was on the last bed with maybe six feet left before quitting for the day. I was getting tired. I knew I’d used muscles that don’t get a full workout at the pool, on my bike or on my walks, so I anticipated a little self-righteous soreness.

And that’s when I wish I’d known when to quit. I bent to pick up a limb and felt a pinch in my lower back. That old sciatic nerve apparently wanted to get my attention. It worked! Ow! If I’d quit five minutes earlier, my last couple of days would have been a lot more comfortable!

The good news is that I’ve felt this pinch before and know that with rest, a little heat, a little gentle work in the pool, I’ll soon be able to bend and twist with the best of them. Mine is a temporary set-back that won’t continue to bother me for long. The bad news… well, in the meantime, I’m just very careful about how I sit and how I move.

And I try to figure out other arenas of my life where knowing when to quit might be beneficial. Like maybe now!

May you know when to quit – and when to persist – in the coming week!

Sally

Monday Moment - Beauty, Imagination, and Hope

2008-03-31T14:01:00.001-07:00

It’s not exactly lamb-like out there this morning, and here it is the end of March. That’s the kind of grumbling you can hear from a lot of us upstate New Yorkers lately – especially since we got about six inches of fresh, wet snow last Friday. We’re ready for spring, feverish from being holed up in our cabins these long months, and aching to feel sun-warmed air actually touching skin – instead of having to circulate past the multiple layers we must wear over our skin.

And yet. That fresh snow made Friday – and Saturday and Sunday – among the most beautiful days of my experience. Especially at this time of year. I love spring, but I have to admit that I have to look for beauty this early in the season. I do look, of course, because I’ve learned how much I rely on beauty to feed my spirit.

And the beauty is there – when you look up close. A clump of bright white snow buds blooms outside my office windows. Tips of tree branches are swelling in anticipation of budding. Brave daffies and crocus are shooting up amid the flotsam and jetsam that has collected over the fall and winter. Willow trees have begun to take on that rusty color that precedes their greening. Robins abound and even the hardier birds of winter seem more likely to show themselves. And even on cold days, the sun feels warm on my face.

There is certainly beauty. And the promise of much more – just weeks away. I guess imagination also feeds my spirit.

But, when one takes the far view most days in our early spring, the world can still look fairly grey. Until the world gets decorated with a bright new blanket of sparkling white as it did last week. And then the far view was gorgeous! Vivid contrasts! Brilliant outlines of fields, hedges, the bones of trees! Bright, clean, fresh! Beautiful!

It was actually colder yesterday than some days a month or more ago. On my walk to breakfast, my ears got crunchy! And yet, there was still a sense of spring in the air. As someone remarked, if we’d had such a day as yesterday – cold and bright - back in November or December, we’d not have appreciated it nearly so much. But now, it matters little how cold it is. What matters is that it’s beautiful – and we believe we’re going to have more beauty and warmth soon. We’re hopeful.

So last week’s weather provided a revelation for me in several ways. When I look, I can always find beauty. Sometimes things that seem bleak – a big snow when we want spring – provide unexpected beauty. And it’s easier for me to appreciate beauty when I also feel hopeful. Apparently my spirit feeds on beauty, imagination, and hope! I’ve been having a feast!

Here’s wishing you a spirit feast this week!

Sally

Monday Moment - Yes - AND...

2008-03-24T08:53:00.001-07:00

I started to write about a whole other topic today, but caught myself changing a “but” into an “and” – so I opted instead to talk about this really powerful idea I came across while learning about conflict management and negotiation skills.

The idea came from a book by William Ury and Roger Fisher – though I can’t actually remember if it was discussed in Getting To Yes or in Getting Past No, or both. Either or both are incredibly useful volumes that I’d heartily recommend to anyone who likes getting his or her own way. (I’m particularly fond of that practice myself!)

Anyway, Ury and Fisher insightfully identify that most of us will respond to a statement with which we cannot agree by beginning our argument with, “Yes, but…” which may not be the most effective strategy to influence another’s beliefs.

“Yes” sends the message that we are perfectly agreeable souls. However, “but” sends an entirely opposite message – usually that we see our own opinion as absolutely correct which must therefore mean that our partner in the argument must be completely wrong.

Well, yes. Many times “yes, but” sends exactly the message that we believe. I’m right and therefore you must be wrong. And if our aim is to bolster our own points of view – to ourselves - “yes, but…” will serve as well as any other opening to an argument.

However, the point of arguing is nearly always to attempt to convince someone else that our points of view are worth hearing and believing. If our aim is to influence our partner’s point of view, there are other strategies more likely to truly encourage them to listen to us.

Ury and Fisher suggest that we substitute “Yes, and…” for “Yes, but…” and see what happens.

Look at the difference in the message. “Yes” says we are still those perfectly agreeable souls. “And” says “You are on to something here, especially if you add in this extra information that I can contribute and which you might not have thought about before.”

Which approach would you be more likely to hear and consider? “I’m right and you’re wrong.” Or “I agree with a lot that you’ve said, and what do you think about this other information?” Hmmm…

I’ve been practicing this deceptively simple strategy for quite some time now, and I can tell you that taking “but” out of my written and spoken vocabulary has been challenging – and helpful! I’ve found people much more receptive to my ideas when I’m feeling evolved enough to replace “but” with “and.”

It’s challenging – and – it’s worth it! (Get the difference?)

In the week ahead, may you employ all the strategies you know to get more of what you want in life!

Sally

Monday Moment - Grateful for Natural Entertainment

2008-03-17T17:32:00.001-07:00

In the last week, tens of thousands – maybe hundreds of thousands – of geese have made a stop on our fair city’s lake. I hadn’t seen the announcement that their national convention would be held here this year, but that’s what it seems like! And oddly, it doesn’t seem like the convention has been nearly so evident nor as much a topic of conversation as it has been this year.

I’ve been observing the goosish revels for about an hour and half this very evening, and waited purposely to write this week’s Moment until I returned from the party. And a party it was – although like any resort town, there was truly a bit more action over the weekend and goose crowds were down as of Monday.

We have some year-round geese – quite a population actually – so we’ve become accustomed to seeing their familiar vees overhead. But en route to the convention, it looks as if a giant pepper grinder has been at work in the sky. Flocks joined together from other flocks darken the sky with black specks that shift from long lines to a collection of rolling foothills and jagged peaks that reminded me of Chinese water colors.

Waves upon waves of rolling foothills and jagged peaks approach the lake as geese who have fed well on leftover kernels in our corn fields approach their night’s lodging. The closer they get to the lake, the less organized they appear – at least to my non-goose eye. Lines, foothills, peaks all dissolve into what appear to be family groups of three, six, ten who seem to be overtaken by gravity as they fall from the air – after they circle, check out the watery neighborhood, and finally select their preferred patch of water.

And although there has been considerable honking and barking while they were airborne, the conversation seems to begin in earnest as they land. Deafening conversation that sounds… well, like a gaggle of geese! An un-harmonic cacophony of sound on which I wish I could eavesdrop more intelligently.

What do you suppose they are saying to one another? “Have we met?” “Did you see what that vee-hog did to my perfect formation?” “That’s a nice looking young gander over there.” “Mo-om!” “Oh no, not that family again. I thought we lost them two lakes ago. The way they honked into the night, I thought I’d never get to sleep!” “This is a nice place, maybe we ought to just stay here a while.” Or from our year-round geese, “These out-of-towners are ruining our neighborhood!”
I don’t suppose that my imaginings even approach the target, but they certainly entertain me.

As has the entire migration mystery, the lines, foothills, and peaks, and the waves of black Canada Geese and white Snow Geese honking, barking, and chuckling to one another on our lovely lake. The challenge of finding words to describe what I have seen and heard. Indeed, I have been mightily entertained. And I am grateful.

May you have such a bountiful reason for gratitude in the coming week!

Sally

Monday Moment - Finding Faith

2008-03-10T09:36:00.000-07:00

I’m in that dangerous time frame with a big goal. I’m about five weeks into the process, and although I have seen progress, it has seemed agonizingly slow despite my absolute determination and exceptionally controlled behavior. The first blush of excitement has slipped into routine that my intellect calls positive habits and my emotion calls boring tedium! It’s a dangerous time!

I am still committed to my weight loss plan. And in the five or so weeks since I began counting every calorie and fat gram, I have sweated, strained, and managed to dispose of 5 unwanted pounds. Do you see what I mean when I say the progress has been agonizingly slow?

And I swear to you – and more importantly to myself – that my calorie intake has been well within my limit all but one day of those five weeks. And even on that day – my birthday when I did allow myself a small portion of chocolate cake – I only exceeded my limit by 200 calories. I know this because I still log all my food intake every day – tedious though that process is. My activity level has been high – I’ve increased my average to 333 minutes a week for those five weeks. And still, I’m not seeing the results I’d really like to see. It’s a dangerous time.

So I have to look for other results that are harder to see in the numbers that are reflected on the scale.

I made it a point last week to try on a few items of clothing that I don’t wear often – partly because they have been a tad on the uncomfortably tight side. And now, five pounds lighter, there’s no crimping at the waist, there’s no interruption in the line of the skirt against my hips, I don’t feel compelled to drag on the lycra or seeking out a longer jacket to feel comfortable and happy in these items. There’s a result that will keep me going for a few more days.

And in my annual visit with my doc on Friday, I found evidence of more results of my efforts – the kind that don’t show, but will make a big difference over the long haul. My blood pressure – genetically very good at a normal of 110/70 – had been creeping up to numbers I didn’t much like. It wasn’t alarmingly high at 130/80, but certainly high for me. On Friday my blood pressure read 120/64 which pleases me very much. Likewise my cholesterol levels improved since last year’s blood test. Again genetics have been on my side – along with a diet habitually lower in fat than many people eat. But last year, my total cholesterol level was higher than I like – 212. And this year it’s down to 177 with corresponding drops in my LDL levels! Hooray! These are also results that fuel my determination and give me faith that all my effort is not in vain.

I suspect that I’m not alone in my need for tangible results for my goals. In fact, I suspect that a big reason many of us give up on setting goals in the first place is the lack of faith that our goals will produce the results we want. The effort seems too big a gamble for such a potentially slim return – especially when our goals are intended to have long-term effects.

And yet, there are often positive off-shoots of our goals – even if they aren’t quite the results we were hoping for. I’m going to rely on – and look for – those off-shoots as I continue my quest to get back to my healthy weight. I’ll need to rely on everything at all – any tiny sign - that can give me faith as I plod my way through this dangerous time.

May you also find faith in the week ahead!

Sally

Monday Moment - Hope of Spring

2008-03-03T09:30:00.001-08:00

Everywhere I’ve lived, people have said, ‘If you don’t like the weather, just wait five minutes.’ And regardless of whether I was making my home in Illinois, Kansas, Washington DC, or upstate New York, I’ve noticed that the weather occupies a significant portion of just about everyone’s conversation. Good or bad, the weather gives us a context for what we choose to do and how we choose to think.

In the course of the last week, our western New York weather has ranged from sunny and balmy 40 degree days to mornings of 3 degrees above zero and wind chills I’d rather not acknowledge. It has certainly not been a dull week!

I’ve heard one or two people grousing about the severe cold weather of Thursday and Friday last week – and undoubtedly they had more reason to be outdoors in those uncomfortable temps than I. But even among the grousing, I heard – and felt – a sense of hopefulness even on the nastiest days.

Here we are in March, after all, and even though we northeasterners know that winter has not blown her last unpleasant days our way, we can’t help ourselves. We can’t quell the hope that the idea – just the idea – of spring brings us.

In some ways, this is one of my favorite times of the year – the hope of spring. We still have lots of snow cover – for today anyway - so when the sun shines, it shines bright and sparkly. It’s brisk enough to encourage one to move at a pace that’s brisk enough to warm our muscles and flush our cheeks, but not – usually – biting at noses, ears, fingers, and toes. And the hope of spring season invites us to lace up our boots and get right out there in it!

Last Sunday was such a hope of spring day, the very kind of day that invited me to walk to our favorite weekend breakfast spot – 3.1 miles and 63 minutes on occasionally snowy sidewalks away. I was surprised following that outing how much my shins ached for several days. I’m active, but I haven’t walked 3 miles on pavement for a while and I felt it. ‘Hmm,’ I thought, ‘I’d better work up to that next time.’

The last two days have also been hope of spring days – interspersed on Saturday with big fat fluffy flakes amounting to a fresh inch of sparkles. Remembering my achy shins from the previous few days – all better now – I opted to walk through my back woods, across the fields and through one of our town’s most charming and historic cemeteries. Some pavement, some snow-covered soil, and no pain at all.

That was encouraging – and quite beautiful – so I opted to repeat that route again yesterday. This time I remembered to take my camera, and spent most of my full 63 minutes on the paved cemetery roadways. It was gorgeous! Brilliant light, sharp exposed bones of trees, rushing creek attempting to break through the ice, and a herd of seven deer brave enough to stand and look before showing their white tails as they bounded toward less occupied woods. All captured in digital format!

And today, not a lick of ache in the old shins. It seems I have more reason than just the weather to feel that hope of spring!

May your coming week be filled with hope!

Monday Moment - Enough Waiting!

2008-02-25T09:34:00.000-08:00

Last week I was on a vacation break – of sorts. My break schedules are tied to school breaks. Students are out of school so my students who are providers of out-of-school care work full days, and therefore we take a break from our classes too.

I know that sounds complicated, but you can trust that it works out well for everybody. Kids and teachers get a break from schools, families know their kids are being cared for by our school-age care professionals, and these professionals put in longer hours so they need a break from school too.

And so I get a break as well. Kind of. Teaching school-age care professionals is just one of the ways I piece together my career. I also write, consult with non-profit organizations, do workshops and staff development work with schools, and just about any other thing that sounds fun, fits in the schedule, and fits my personal mission of influencing healthy choices.

So last week, I really only had a break from teaching. Still, teaching requires that I am in a certain place at a certain time each week, so a break from teaching is a true break from routine.

I hadn’t planned to go away, but I did want to use the break as a time of re-creation for myself. I puttered, I read (current novel: Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett, 973 pages and a fascinating read!) I swam and rode my exercise bike, and I went recreational shopping in the middle of the week which I really only ever do when I’m on vacation, and I still attended to a little business. It was a good week.

And yet, this quasi-vacation (an old friend might call it a vacation-ette) convinced me that I’m due for a real, full-out, go-someplace-I’ve-never-been, honest-to-gosh vacation! I’ve tacked a day or two onto a business trip in the last year, and kept my schedule very flexible so I can enjoy our glorious Finger Lakes summers, but it’s been too long since I did the real deal. I’m due.

I haven’t figured out just how or when I’ll make this real deal happen. I’m tied to a school calendar now and I’ve always preferred to travel when school was in session. And I have a very old dog, and I’d worry that he might go into a decline while I was away. And there’s the money thing. And I’ll need to find someone who’d like to go with me since my partner finds it difficult to get away. And… and… and…

Do you see while it’s been a while? There are all these reasons – all right, excuses – for not taking action. They’re all valid. They really are. And yet, I don’t want to let these valid excuses keep me from living my life. Dr. Seuss describes it as “The Waiting Place” in Oh The Places You Will Go, where everyone is just waiting. “…Waiting for the fish to bite, or waiting around for wind to fly a kite, or waiting around for Friday night…”

One of the things I learned from my first husband Dave – not to wait. Dave’s health was always precarious, and he couldn’t do all the things I wanted to do. I hated to leave him when I needed to travel. It was a real and valid reason to stay home. But I learned that if I didn’t also live my life, I wouldn’t be the person he loved anyway!

So even though I’m not sure about the details – and my sweet old dog might die while I’m away which would truly break my heart – I will be planning a trip in the not too distant future. You can count on that! Enough waiting!

May you have an active week!

Sally

Monday Moment - Messages of Peaceful Reassurance

2008-02-18T10:26:00.001-08:00

In the last few years, we’ve had a “Community Reads” program which asks the question, “What if all Canandaigua (or Seattle or Denver or wherever) read the same book?” It’s been a wonderful thing.

A committee made up of school, library, and community folks select a book that’s appropriate for adults as well as high school students, and then promotes a variety of programs that encourage discussion about that book. When it’s possible, the author is invited to do programs for students at the high school and community college, and for the community at large. We’ve read books like The Sweet Hereafter, The Kite Runner, Peace Like a River, The Color of Water and more.

This year’s book is lovely and hopeful story called The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud by author Ben Sherwood that gives a particular view of the afterlife. Charlie and his younger brother are in a fatal auto accident. Charlie is revived but his brother Sam is not – and the rest of the story is about the choices Charlie makes to maintain a connection with his brother at the sacrifice of fully living his own life. Until a turning point comes that pushes both brothers to move on to their next phase.

My book group met last week to discuss this book, and it generated conversation about experiences that echoed Charlie’s connection with someone who had died – and every single one of us could report some occasion when we felt sure that someone from the other side was trying to give us a message. The messages were consistent – they were messages of hope, of reassurance, of love.

I found myself thinking about Charlie and Sam on Thursday when the news came out from my alma mater Northern Illinois University. I thought about Alice Sebold’s The Lovely Bones, another story about an afterlife. And I found myself thinking about the family and friends of the six young people whose lives were violently cut short. And then I couldn’t help but think of the thousands of lives cut short in Iraq and other troubled parts of the world. All those futures that will now not come to be. All the healing that needs doing before the people who had such hopes for those futures will be able to breathe a peaceful and contented breath.

My fervent hope for all who have lost someone – especially those who were lost so abruptly and with no sense that we can see – will be able to rely on the hope – eventually – of love that is never lost, of life that doesn’t end but transforms. I know just how hard hope can be in the face of grievous loss. And yet I remain hopeful that clear and unmistakable reassurance of peace and comfort can be given to those who need it most. It’s a lot to hope for, and it is what our planet needs.

May your week be hopeful.

Monday Moment - Meeting Target Goals

2008-02-11T09:48:00.001-08:00

Last week I hit four of my goal targets – those bite-sized actions that lead toward achieving my bigger annual goals. There are also a whole bunch of things that I didn’t get done, but I’m choosing to focus on the targets I met because I’m pretty sure they’ll help motivate me toward all the rest of my goals. See if you don’t agree.

1. I swam 3.22 miles last week, up from a average of 1-2 probably since about 2005. From 1999 through 2004, I averaged 2-3 miles a week, but when knee surgery put me on the bench in early 2005, I never managed to get my habitual practice back in line. It wasn’t my knee that stopped me. It was my head. So getting back up to 3 miles – even for just one week – feels like my old stride and I like that feeling!
2. I kept my calorie count around 1400/day last week. And didn’t really feel deprived. The scale hasn’t shown much progress on the long-term goal yet, but that’s the thing with goal targets. Sometimes you have to take it on faith that meeting a weekly target will give your results you won’t see for a long time. I need to remind myself about that need for faith since I know I’m a person who thrives on results – and has limited patience for the process.
3. I began working on a writing project that’s new and challenging for me, and I have a plan to push myself to continue a weekly target of writing every Friday. I just scratched the surface of the big goal, but if I can make as much progress every week as I did last Friday, I’ll have a respectable draft of a new book by summer. Writing is one of the things that is important for me because it pushes me to grow, I find I have things that I need to say, and it just might be an important component of my legacy on the planet. But writing is not at all urgent because it has yet to put food on the table or a roof over my head. So to actually get around to writing – regardless of the outcome – well that’s a huge act of self-discipline which generates substantial self-satisfaction.
4. I created and encouraged a celebration of my love’s birthday. He’s a reluctant celebrant, not eager to call attention to himself and sometimes needing a nudge to play. But play we did, and by meeting this goal, I got to bask in the real and tangible joy of doing for someone else. It felt good.

Well that was fun for me – resting for a time on the laurels of last week’s goals. But so much for rest. I haven’t time for more as I need to get to the pool and start working on the here and now!

Wishing you a warm and heart-filled week!

Monday Moment - Ready and Acting

2008-02-04T19:08:00.001-08:00

A few weeks ago a friend who shares my life-long struggle with weight – and who has worked hard to achieve a most attractive and healthy weight – were talking. She said she woke up one day saying “This is the day I change things,” started going to Weight Watchers and exercising the biggest muscle of all – self-discipline.

I replied – after gushing about how great she looked – that she was an inspiration, if only I were ready to be inspired. But I wasn’t ready. The task of trimming pounds that have crept up on me when I wasn’t looking just seemed too daunting, too much work. There was no denying it was a need, but I just didn’t feel up to it. I didn’t want to. I wasn’t ready.

But the inspiration remained, and my day showed up last week. I weighed myself after my swim – and that was the day I started making big changes in what I eat. And unlike other attempts, I’m not only finding this relatively painless, but I also am fairly certain that my self-discipline will remain firmly in place. Oh I haven’t achieved diet perfection – and I haven’t really tried to. But I have focused on low fat and low calorie, cutting way back on snacks – especially my twin nemeses dark chocolate and red wine.

Between Monday and Thursday, my weight plummeted – maybe half a pound. But I let myself take a lot of credit for that half-pound and stuck to my plan. And am eager to get to the Y tomorrow (as a meeting four hours from home prevented today) to see what else might have come from my efforts in the last four days. But it won’t really matter what the scale says tomorrow because I know I’m on the right path, and I will see results when I keep my behavior in line with my goal.

One of the reasons I know this is that this time I’m not fooling myself – or letting myself weasel out from my behavior choices. I’m logging all my food choices into an internet-based food diary that counts up my fat grams, my total calories, and gives me immediate feedback on how I’m doing. What a great tool! As I always tell students or workshop attendees, I’m a person who needs a responsive audience. I thrive on immediate feedback – which is something that we just don’t get with a long-term goal like weight loss or fitness. Darn it! But my food diary gives me exactly what I need – the reinforcement to keep up the behavior that has to lead to my desired results. Can you tell I’m feeling really good about this stuff?

So far, temptations have been mere twinges, and despite a reasonable but not generous calorie limit that I’m having no problem staying under, I’m walking away from meals full and satisfied. I think perhaps I’ve been inspired! My goal is strong and motivating, I have good tools, good support, and lots of reality-based hopes.

And now, I’ve made my goal public so my commitment skyrockets. When you’re ready, there’s another strategy that will push you to follow through on a big goal! Trust me on this!

Monday Moment - Here and Now Tool

2008-01-07T06:01:00.000-08:00

Last Friday a new member joined our writers group. As she introduced herself, she apologized in advance in case she cried and made any of us uncomfortable. She’d lost her husband, she told us, and even though some people in her life thought it was time for her to stop crying, she wasn’t ready or able to do so. Our group is such a lovely and supportive gathering that of course no one felt uncomfortable just because of a few tears, and we all acknowledged that we too had felt reasons to cry and could easily accept her reasons.

She and I had a conversation after the group meeting closed, and listening to her I was reminded of the time when grieving was the central focus of my life. The memories were pretty fresh in my mind as just the week before had been the 9th anniversary of my Dave’s death. As I listened to her loss, it was clear that our experiences were different – and yet somehow shared. I had a wish to help – despite knowing that nothing would give her what she really wants – to have her husband back.

But in my wish to help, I thought a bit about what helped me. Writing was one of those things that helped. I had been an inconsistent journal writer before I lost Dave – and can’t claim any great consistency now. When needs are great, however, one grasps. I remember feeling overwhelmed at the very idea of journaling – as I was overwhelmed by most things in those days – until I remembered a simple tool I’d learned from Sid and Suzanne Simon.

The tool was called the “Here and Now Wheel” and involved dividing a sheet into four quadrants and then identifying feelings you’re having right then and there. It was simple enough to not feel overwhelming. I could fill ¼ page easily with a single feeling and then move on to write another two paragraphs’ worth of emotions. I felt grateful to remember this tool – enough that I opted to assign the fourth quadrant to gratitude and pride. There I’d list five things for which I was grateful and five things of which I was proud on that particular day. I needed to acknowledge and remember that even in the midst of pain, life is good. And I needed to acknowledge and give myself credit for any brave thing – and they were all brave things in those dark days – that I managed to do.

Writing my “Here and Now” journal was so useful, but even more useful was returning to those pages after some time had passed. In a time when it felt like I was making no progress, my “Here and Now” journal provided evidence that in fact I was healing – one tiny increment at a time. And reading back over those journals – which I still do on every anniversary of his death – keeps me in touch with not just the pain of losing Dave but the tremendous joy of having him in my life. I find that I’m more than willing to accept the pain when remembering also brings me so much joy.

What my conversation last Friday also reminded me is that it’s good to share a tool that has worked for me. Maybe it won’t work as well for you as it did for me, but just maybe it will be a tool that you can use – or adapt so it will work for you. And this is a tool that you can keep as your own and not have to worry about returning it when you’re done. Just pass it on if you think maybe it might help someone else.

Wishing you a blessed week!

Sally

Monday Moment - Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T14:24:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! Are you receiving all kinds of goal and resolution messages? I am! And it is appropriate to aim at a new year with new hopes, dreams, and aspirations. But we can't do that - at least effectively - if we don't first look back at how we met - or didn't quite - our goals from the old year.

As I look back on my 2007 goals - which I keep posted above my desk so they stay in my face - I have to ask myself some questions. What goals did I meet entirely? What did I make progress on? What was an unrealistic goal that led nowhere? What still needs to be done that I have not yet addressed?

Goals met entirely - not many I'm afraid. In fact, were I a tough grader like my 5th grade teacher Mrs. Malone (from whom I learned a lot!), I wouldn't give myself 100% on much. I taught three child care classes, I found other ways to make money, I cultivated professional relationships, bought a new higher resolution camera (when my old one broke on a trip to Arizona) attended my mentor Sid Simon's 80th birthday celebration, got new carpet in my living room, and kayaked the length of Canandaigua Lake! These things I did entirely! Oh - and before the end of the day (which surely counts) I will have completed a family history of my maternal grandparents which I will wrap and pack up tomorrow to be mailed out on Wednesday. Whew! Just under the wire on that one!

I made much progress on a whole host of other goals. I haven't swum 100 miles this year, but I think my count is between 60-70. I didn't get 100% on my goal of exercising 300 minutes a week either, but my annual total (not counting my swim today) was 13,602 minutes which averaged out to be 262 minutes per week. Wow! I did better than I thought I did - and way better than I'd have done without that 300 goal dangling in my face every week!

Another goal I didn't do perfectly, but which still pleases me, is writing something every month for our writers group. It has been such a good goal for me. I've probably written at least four times as much and as often just because I knew I'd be seeing my fellow writers.

And there's a whole long list of goals that I though I'd get to this year but didn't. For some the reasons were beyond my control. Other goals, written in January last year, were supplanted by ideas that held more appeal and doability. And another list - a lot longer than I'd like - fell victim to my propensity to procrastinate.

Still and all, it feels good to look back, knowing that I accomplished more in 2007 because of the goals I set. So my task in the next week is to keep reflecting - on the goals I met and those still unmet. Knowing that much of what happens in my life is not within my control - in the coming year or any other - I need to decide what things I want more of and what things I want less of in my life - and how I might exercise my self-control to get what I want.

As long as I'm doing true confessions about the things I've done and haven't done this year, I might as well confess that this goal-setting business is a bit of a chore every year. I have to psych myself up for it - because I know it's a chore worth doing.

I'll keep you posted on the chore's progress. What's your plan for setting goals in 2008? May you set goals that will stretch you and make 2008 the best year of your life - so far!

Happy and Blessed New Year!

Monday Moment - Dance Around Your Fear

2007-12-17T20:10:00.000-08:00

You might remember that back in October I wrote about making an appointment with a podiatrist to deal with some nagging foot pain. Sometimes it takes a little pain to make us aware that it's time to change something. I guess the trick is to not wait till a little pain becomes a lot of pain!

I had my second appointment with my podiatrist today, and as I told him, the pain is probably 60-70% better. He assures me that we can easily get to 85% better - and we can stop treatment when I decide that it's livable.

It's actually livable right now - but why would I settle for just livable when I could get to dance-able? Nope. For me the ability to dance - even if I don't do it nearly as often as I'd like to - is one of the component of livable.

As is not settling for mediocre when excellence is within sights. That's livable!

But of course that's only when I'm in my most evolved state of being. And one of the things that prevents my highest levels of evolution - time and time again - is procrastination. Like putting off making an appointment until my foot hurts - a lot!

Among the long list of excuses I can generate for putting things off is almost always an element of fear. In this case, I had convinced myself that my particular pain wasn't likely to be solved without surgery. And that very idea - or more precisely the fear of that idea - was enough to introduce thoughts of just about any other far more pressing task any time I was about to pick up the phone.

Dumb fear! I heard it once described as False Evidence Appearing Real. I don't even need enough to build a strong case for evidence. Those bricks could be made mostly out of straw and I can still construct enough fear to slam on the brakes on even the smartest idea.

Today's appointment chipped away a little more of my ridiculous habit of fear. No surgery. At most, it's taken a couple moments of discomfort to restore not just livability but dance-ability!

I'm reminded of an idea I read as a teenager - in a silly romance novel. "Granny Tremain's disappearing hills" are the hills that look too steep and too high to climb when we see them coming at us from a distance. But when we get up close, we realize that they aren't so steep, they're not so high, they practically disappear.

I think maybe - for awhile at least - I'll remember that I do not have to settle for fear. Instead - I can dance!

May you dance through your week as well!

Monday Moment - To Promote True Peace

2007-12-10T14:55:00.000-08:00

This week's Monday Moment is about the health of our planet and is the direct result of my reading a remarkable book titled Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin.

I read a lot - for both fun and information - so finding a book I enjoy is no rare thing. I often want to pass along books I've read, but I can't remember a book that inspired sharing quite as much as this one has. I'd like every man and woman in Congress to read it, every soldier, every philanthropist, every American citizen - because I think the true story of how Greg Mortenson has been building schools in the poorest and most remote areas of Pakistan and Afghanistan carries more hope of making America safe than all of the billions we've spent on the Iraq war or homeland security.

Like most Americans, I've been - until now - convinced that Muslims in the world hate us. It's not a huge leap to reach that conclusion. Nearly everything we read talks about basic conflicts of values and the mass production of young men and women who are willing to lose their lives in order to inflict harm on Americans and on those who support us.

But now, I've learned that in places where such distrust and hate might fester, children - boys and more remarkably girls - are having the chance to go to school and to believe - deep in their marrow - that at least one American wants the very best for them. Mortenson's Central Asia Institute builds a school for around $12,000 - and children and their families learn we Americans are not so bad. I call that a great investment!

Perhaps the most gripping thing about Mortenson's story is that he didn't go out seeking his cause. Instead his cause found him. When he found himself stranded in a Pakistani village - and the story of how he got there is pretty fascinating in and of itself - he might have accepted the people's kindness and generosity and been on his way. But when he saw children so eager to learn that they huddled on the ground practicing lessons on their own because they had no teacher - that's when he vowed to return kindness with kindness.

This was an ordinary guy - living a hand-to-mouth existence back in the States - and he had no clue how to go about keeping his promise to children half a world away. He blundered, stumbled, and made mistakes, but he did not, would not, could not give up the goal of helping this one village - despite incredible personal cost. And then one village became dozens until now 24,000 students attend schools that are fully or partially supported by the Central Asia Institute.

I heartily recommend Three Cups of Tea - as a good read and as a lesson in what one person can do to promote peace. I've struggled with what I can do. I haven't - until now - felt that I could win the hearts of Muslims. I've not been able to support what I see as a destructive and counterproductive war, but nor have I been able to stop it. But I certainly can and will support the Central Asia Institute's efforts to offer a balanced education to some of our planet's poorest children.

And I can and do ask you to also read Three Cups of Tea and hope that you will be similarly inspired by its message of hope.

Monday Moment - Deeper Connections

2007-12-03T16:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I ran into some old friends - folks that I used to see nearly every Sunday as we rehearsed for a song and dance variety show but haven't seen in perhaps as many as 5 years. And we live at most 5 miles apart!

It was so good to see them! Standing there in the grocery store, we reminisced about the songs we sang, the people we knew, even the costumes we used to wear. And we did a superficial catch-up... How are you? Have you been well? The kids? How many grandkids now? What are you doing for work?

But superficial connection is about all I can ever accomplish at the grocery store - and I was left feeling warm to have reacquainted myself with my friends' lives but not fully satisfied. It was like eating a candy bar when one is truly hungry. It tastes sweet and lovely, but it doesn't fill one up.

Fortunately - I guess - I've felt this feeling before and have long had a goal to forge deeper connections with people I like and admire. So before our conversation ended yesterday, I pushed us all to agree to get together. But it was more than, "We must get together!" It was, "Let's get together - and let's do it..." I had to do some fast thinking. Will we have time for another engagement before the winter holidays? Will they? Probably not. Hmmm... I don't really know my January calendar yet - but hmmm... not the first weekend, too soon. Not later in the month, I know there's something going on then. Hmmm... "How about the second weekend in January?" I blurted out.

It was a lucky stab at a date. It works for us all - and hooray, there's one more thing to look forward to in 2008! And a reminder to me that the goal of making time for friends - and making the effort to carve into schedules to actually do it - is absolutely a goal that I want on my 2008 list. Next year at this time, I want to look back at a series of connecting gatherings - and not be wondering why I haven't seen people for almost 5 years!

It's easy to let time go by - to think that there's plenty of time ahead. But if I were to start counting my life to come in 5 year intervals, there's not enough time to spend with people I like and admire. Even if I live to 103, if I only get together with some people every 5 years or so, I'm going to be having that same candy bar feeling at the end of my life as I experienced yesterday. Not good enough!

So I'm already off to a good start with a date set for mid January, 2008. And I do believe a lesson has been learned - at least for the time being. For the reminding nudges I need - well, maybe I'll just have to hang out at the grocery store more often!

Wishing you a connected week!

Sally

Monday Moment - Shopping Choices

2007-11-26T09:24:00.000-08:00

again - rampant consumerism time!

Oh, does that sound cynical? About the holidays themselves - and most of the trimmings too - I really am not of a cynical nature. I love the glow of decorations, the music, the festive gatherings of friends and family, and much more. I even love the spirit of giving and have long been convinced that the packages under the tree are some of the prettiest decorations in my whole house.

But. What I don't love is the rampant consumerism that began to be encouraged in my community right around the second week in October. I understand that retailers rely on holiday spending for their well-being - but haven't things been getting out of hand? Just last week I noticed a little rush when I handed over some cash for a non-necessary small indulgence. What is that about? Is that who I want to be?

This year, two ideas keep inserting themselves in my head.

One is a story that I heard about a family in California who took a pledge to not buy anything new - other than food and necessary consumables - for a whole year. They began in January 2007 flushed with excitement and in a pique of disgust over the excess they experienced during the holidays of 2006. By mid-year they were still feeling proud and glad they'd made the pledge - though it was becoming more and more challenging. With the holidays and every bit of the print, broadcast, and internet media focused on getting us to buy, buy, buy - well I wonder how they're doing now.

And I wonder if I could - or would want to - do what they did?

The second idea came from my pal Ray. As we drove through our small downtown, he said, "You know what the Chamber of Commerce should do? They should challenge us to do all our holiday shopping downtown - and then they should ask us what we wanted to find but couldn't in the stores that are available."

Hmmm... Now there's another interesting thought. After all, our community retailers - undoubtedly like your own - are always reminding us that buying locally is a good idea - and it's something I do believe. But as I scan my shopping requirements, I wonder. Can I find what I want to find in our relatively small assortment of stores? Certainly, I'll pay more for some things than I would in those big box stores. That's one of the disadvantages of small, independently owned stores. But would I save by not driving to those big boxes? Probably.

Would it be less stressful and more fun to shop in familiar stores where I might see neighbors and friends? Oh Probably! Would I - and the people for whom I shop - benefit from a more focused product selection? Well, I'm not sure yet.

And I haven't decided yet what I'll do this year to avoid letting rampant consumerism take over my holiday season. Either of these two ideas - not shopping at all or only shopping locally - seem like they might be too extreme for my requirements. This year - as I've done in other years - I'll satisfy most of my gifting requirements with home-mades like family histories, ornaments, and such. But for those things I feel a need to buy outright - well, I don't yet know what approach I'll take. What I do know is that these two ideas will be in my head filtering all my choices - and now they'll be in your head too!

Monday Moment - Joyful, Thankful, and Glad

2007-11-19T11:19:00.001-08:00

"God would like us to be joyful even when our hearts lie panting on the floor! How much more should we be joyful when we really have something to be joyful for?"

That's a favorite line from a favorite song from a favorite Broadway show. The song, 'L'Chaim,' the musical, Fiddler on the Roof. And in my more evolved moments, it's more than a line from a song. It's a mantra for my life - to help remind me to keep joy and thanksgiving in my being.

I'm a person who seems to need a lot of such mantras. Another is "In all things, give thanks." Had I been paying attention in Sunday School or more rigorously practiced my religious upbringing, I'd be able to quote chapter and verse where this particular mantra shows up in the Bible. My adult awareness of this mantra came, however, from reading one of Jan Karon's wonderful novels in the Mitford Series. Father Tim, an Episcopal priest, knows he has much to be thankful for, but still feels mired in depression - until he remembers that the verse is not 'In some things give thanks.' When he comes to the realization that he must also find a way to be thankful for the depression itself, the weight lifts.

Which reminds me of yet another model for living - Pollyanna herself. Now I'm of the opinion that Pollyanna has been given a bad rap in our cynical popular culture. Have you read this wonderful book by Eleanor H. Porter? Or do you, like others I know, simply disparage those who persistently work to find something positive in every situation? If you've read the book, you'll know that Pollyanna doesn't have an easy life. She's orphaned and left in the care of a stiff-necked maiden aunt who doesn't want her and tries to prevent her from leading a normal childhood. She takes a terrible fall that might paralyze or kill her - and through it all, she's able to find something, some tiny kernel about which to feel glad. You might call that sappy, but I call it inspired!

Today I'm joyful, glad, and thankful about dozens upon dozens of things - including these literary mantras that remind me to make Thanksgiving as a life-long pursuit. I'm thankful for turkey and cranberries and all the trimmings as well! I often think that the traditional Thanksgiving meal is far too tasty to eat just once a year - and with Tevye, Father Tim, and Pollyanna as my mantra mentors, I hope I'll eat life with as much joyful, thankful, gladness as I'll dig into that turkey on Thursday!

I hope you do too!

Monday Moment - Be Good to Your Foot!

2007-10-22T17:05:00.000-07:00

Before sending out today's moment, I've taken more than a few moments to try and locate a particular quote that seems to sum up my thinking from the last week. It took just a little doing, but here it is.

“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.”

Aha! Indeed today's moment is all about being good to your foot! The inspiration? You guessed it. I spent some time in too tight shoes!

Actually, I wouldn't say my shoes were truly too tight. It was more that they were what I call 'grown-up' shoes - and my feet prefer to remain in childhood.

I have actually arranged my life so I don't wear grown-up shoes very often. When I do, I wonder if my feet might feel better if I were used to them. But then I think that I'm clearly just not used to pain - and after all is pain something I truly desire to get used to? NOT!

Like most women, I admire the look of a lovely shoe - and stand (though I'd prefer to sit) in awe of women who seem to wear heels - or pointy toes or some other apparent form of torture - as if it were nothing. But I'm not a woman who seems able to pull off that appearance of ease. I'd like to. But it just ain't happening!

So I've started a new motto - I choose to be good to my foot. I've abused my feet enough in ridiculous shoes - and now I choose to heal what's left of my aching feet.

As per William James who said if you want to make a change, you should do it immediately, flamboyantly, and make no exceptions - I made an appointment with a podiatrist this very day. I've noticed more than what I think of as the usual discomfort in even moderately grown-up shoes - enough that my ability to exercise has begun to be compromised.

I've tried the usual strategies - denial, sloth, shopping - and none have alleviated the pain to meet my satisfaction. So now I'm going to put my feet into the hands of an expert. I expect to get expert treatment, a list of things I can do to make my feet feel better, and expert advice on shoes.

I expect that when my feet feel better, life will look a lot more pleasant and I might just be a nicer person. Maybe you'd like to join me. Be good to your foot!

Monday Moment - Put Fear at Bay

2007-10-07T20:47:00.000-07:00

To throw a party and nobody comes. That's a nagging little fear that I'd love to banish from my life forevermore. I haven't found the secret, but I'm working on it!

This particular fear is in my mind this week because after months of planning, organizing, soliciting, and inviting, will be our Partnership for Ontario County's Auction for Kids' Sake. The Partnership's Board has been telling me ever since I started working with them last April that fundraising needs to be my primary focus. So the auction is my responsibility - the party that I'm throwing this coming Thursday.

It's a party that has been thrown before - with at least a reasonable success. It's my job to turn that reasonable success into a BIG success.

From the beginning, it's been clear that we had two tasks - solicit great stuff to auction off and get the right people in the room who want to buy what we've gathered.

I set ambitious goals for both tasks. I wanted to double the value of what we have to sell - and though we haven't yet met the goal, we've been getting closer. And I wanted to double the number of people in the room - which I won't know if we'll achieve until Thursday. Hence the nagging little fear's invitation back into my soul.

As with other things I can't control, I'm trying to not obsess. The Board and I have done what we can to advertise, publicize, and make people aware of what we're doing. And though I'll keep doing that right up to show time, I can't really control how many people will actually show up. I'd love to feel confident and sure - and still there's that nagging fear.

So that's my head-work this week - to put the fear into its place and not let it sabotage my confidence, to fully celebrate the successes that we have and will achieve - even if my own ambitious goals are not fully realized. And to learn and grow from whatever happens - which is ever so much more likely if I can push the fear aside.

Yup, that's the work. Wish me luck!

Monday Moment - Self-Righteous Home Improvement

2007-10-01T07:13:00.001-07:00

In the last week, I've deviated from my standard 300 minutes of intentional exercise - and counted activity that wasn't precisely exercise but focused instead on cleaning up, hoeing out, and entirely emptying my living room. Why? Because even as I write two guys are laying brand new carpet in said living room!

I am - and have been - nearly drooling in anticipation of how much new, clean flooring will make in that room and in my outlook. Said anticipation has fueled the energy required to do all the above - which as any who know me will testify is not at all my preferred use of time.

I detest cleaning, am genetically predisposed to pack-rattery, and therefore feel a nagging sort of implied criticism bombarding me from the vast populations more organized than I, more concerned with impeccable housekeeping, and too often self-righteously asserting that life is better when lived in simplicity. Bah Humbug!

From Feng Shui to the outbreak of professional organizers, my 'holier-than-thou' detection system gets a workout these days. 'Get rid of clutter and you'll feel better,' they proclaim. Blah, blah, blah! For me, the result rarely justifies the cost of the work.

So imagine my disgust when in fact, my anticipation of a bright fresh living room does include a wish for less clutter when it all gets put back together. My head is full of ways to eliminate, reduce, or hide a lot of the stuff that came out of the room - and the anticipation includes feeling good about a simpler living space. Rats! I hate it when I have to agree with the self-righteous!

And yet, I won't miss the stacks (and stacks) of magazines that I recycled. (I've stopped all but one subscription and stop off in the library's periodical room when I need a mag-fix.) I'll be pleased to finish off a few crafty projects that I no longer wish to own myself but that might bring a few dollars in a fundraising auction I'm organizing for our drug and alcohol prevention coalition. I'll be excited to display the things that hold true meaning for me - in ways that will allow them to be more fully seen and appreciated. Rats! I do hate it when the self-righteous are also right!

Of course I'm full of plans just now, and I'm certain that when I achieve those plans, I will feel a calm and self-righteous satisfaction. I'm also certain that my pack-ratting instincts will not be expunged from my being - and nor would I be happy if they were. I am a person who likes her stuff - and always will. The self-righteous can just step aside, because I can arouse a fair and righteous attitude about my stuff my own self!

Minimalism is not and never will be my goal, but a greater sense of balance is. For that one room - if not all through my home - I pledge to give, sell, and pitch some of the contents that have heretofore filled that space. I'm putting my house in order - and I'm feeling quite self-righteous about it, I must say!

Monday Moment - The Tastes of Summer

2007-10-01T07:09:00.001-07:00

I'm up to my neck in tomatoes. Or at least it seems that way, and I can't find it in me to complain.

Too many years, my tomatoes didn't really begin to ripen here in upstate NY until nearly September - and then we might get a frost by the middle of the month. Such results can make for a frustrated gardener!

But this year, a combination of factors means we've had more tomatoes in the garden than ever before. First, I've learned to choose varieties that have a 60-75 day ripening time frame. We can get frost here as late as May 30 so we really need fast tomato plants! Second, we had a hot summer. It was dry, but I've got a good watering system so my tomato plants were pretty happy campers. And third, we've had a summer that just won't quit - a very happy thing for tomato growers and for those of us whose denial about fall is so strong that we refuse to wear socks until at least October!

So I have a lot more tomatoes on the vine than two people can eat fresh - and my domesticity limits definitely include NO CANNING! I had to help my mom can tomatoes when I was a kid, and as much as I'd like those quart jars on my pantry shelves, it's not something I'm going to do, thank you very much!

But I will make salsa. It's a great way to use cherry and grape sized tomatoes, and yesterday I threw in lots of yellows and reds too (all from just 5 plants). Add some onion, a peach for sweetness, basil and cilantro fresh from the garden, a handful of jalepeno peppers (I buy those because if you set out 6 plants as they usually come, you might grow enough jalepenos to heat an entire city.) and a few serrano peppers from the garden. My food processor helps - and voila`, we have salsa - enough for today and enough to freeze for another day when the memory of summer needs a little jolt.

Just for fun, I looked up nutritional content for tomatoes and found - not surprisingly that they are an amazing food. Look for yourself at http://www.nutritiondata.com/facts-C00001-01c20lf.html. But you already knew all that didn't you? They're high in vitamins C and A, Potassium and Manganese - and remarkably low in calories.

But more than anything else, a juicy ripe tomato just tastes like summer! It's a flavor to savor as we do these beautiful sunny days that we know will sooner or later give way to shiver-filled winter. So please do excuse me now. I have another big basket of summer to savor!

Monday Moment - Smoother Sailing

2007-09-17T06:47:00.000-07:00

"Do you want to know the secret of staying together?"

That's what the old sailor said just after we admired his 17-foot catamaran. As you can imagine, it was the kind of question that caught our attention.

We glanced quickly at each other and said - in unison - "Yeah! That's something we'd like to know!"

"It's simple," said the old salt. He looked at me. "You've got to make him think that you think he's a ten. In every way. In looks, brains, money, sex - everything."

He turned. "And you. You've got to make her think that you think she's a ten. All the time. Because the reality is sometimes you're going to be an asshole, and," he turned back to me. "You'll be a bitch."

"But you make him think you think he's a ten, and you make her think you think she's a ten - and you'll stay together."

"And then, whatever happens after that - it's not my fault."

Well I'm not usually a fan of unsolicited advice. In fact, one of the things we've been told is that sailors generally are friendly, but they aren't forward. They'll be glad to help and make suggestions when you ask, but they don't usually offer advice until you ask.

Apparently the 'friendly but not forward' sailors' creed is not one that our old guy ascribes to - and I have to say that his directive (because it was delivered in a far more 'thou shalt' manner than 'you might want to consider...') will ring in my ears for a long, long time.

It's so easy to get into negative habits of thinking about one's partner. Tiny disappointments can blossom into full blown animosity with darned little provocation in the daily dailiness of living with another human being. One person's failure to live up to unreasonable expectations can give the other a whole arsenal of ammunition to hurl right back.

Which reminds me of another gem of an idea that I learned long ago. If we'd think about our relationship as an actual boat - a relation-ship, we'd remember that while we're sitting in the same boat, it's not smart to hurl bombs back and forth at each other. At least not if we want that boat to stay afloat!

So much smarter to hurl "I think you're amazing and here's why!" I think our old salt is on to something, and I pledge - yes, again - to get my guy to think that I think he's a ten! I'm betting on smoother sailing in this relation-ship!

Monday Moment - Labor Day Weekend

2007-09-03T11:12:00.001-07:00

Don't you love a three-day weekend? I do. Even when you have a lot on your calendar, it seems like it's more relaxing because you've got an extra day to do it all in.

It seems particularly nice at this time of year since it helps me transition from summer into my denial that fall and winter are coming. Oh I'll still be in denial for a good long while, but even so, I'm glad to have this transition day to anticipate the good things about the fall.

And there are lots of good things about fall. We'll have more summer harvest to enjoy along with apples, soups, casseroles - lots of tasty things we didn't want to heat up the kitchen with this summer. There will be crisp days, the bright colors of mums and leaves along with more muted and still lovely colors of fading flowers. Cider, fires in the fireplace, cozy sweaters, and a different rhythm to our work and play life. Lots of good things.

That's where I'm going to try to keep my focus - on the good things to come. Surely that will ease the melancholy I often feel in the fall - already missing the good things of summer. It's all good.

More next week... In the meantime, have a wonderful third day of your three-day weekend!

Monday Moment - Choices Trump Limits

2007-08-27T09:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Ray and I went sailing and this morning I went for a kayak paddle. Life is so good! It's a beautiful time of year in a beautiful place.

This morning it occurred to me that this year - more than any other before - I have really claimed my place here in the Finger Lakes. Life is good!

And yet, my morning's appreciation was tinged with just a little regret. I have lived in this beautiful part of the world for nearly 30 years - and just now am feeling 'that Finger Lakes feeling'? What's that about?

Clearly for me, being on the water has had an enormous role in making me feel gloriously and thrillingly at home here in a way I never have before. I've really taken advantage of living near a lake this year - way more than any other summer up till now. And I started wondering just why it took me so long - when I clearly enjoy my time on the water so very much.

What I realized is that for many of the 29 years I've lived here, I got into the habit of thinking that other people had opportunities to sail or kayak or live on the water. Other people were born here. Their families bought lakefront property before it was outrageously priced, and therefore they naturally learned to sail and boat and do things that a person from landlocked Illinois hadn't learned. Other people had more time to really enjoy summer than a person who managed a children's camp as I did the first 12 years I lived here. Other people made a lot more money than I did - or do or ever will. Other people had family, partners, or friends who'd support them in trying out new water sports than I happened to have. Somehow a lot of the joys and privileges of Finger Lakes living was reserved for other people instead of for me.

Except of course that other people never stopped me from fully enjoying water sports. Nope. The one person that stopped me was me!

Now I wouldn't want to give the impression that I never found ways to enjoy our lake till this year. I swam and went to our public beaches often. I took sailboarding lessons, I've rented boats and taken numerous boat tours. I've been out on boats with friends. I even remember sitting on a beach on a gorgeous day and saying to my companion, "It just doesn't get any better than this!"

But I'm thrilled to say that it does! And it has!

From the perspective of hind sight, I feel now that until this year I acted a bit more like a tourist on our lake than a person who lives here! And the difference? It's all been about the choices I made this year - to paddle my kayak a lot more than ever before and to sail.

And here's the kick in the teeth. Neither of those choices was out of my reach - not really - in any of the 29 years I've lived here!

Oh it's undeniably easier now. There are still a lot of other people with more money than I - but I have a lot more now than I used to have. I have a partner who shares my love of the water and who has skills that I don't have and which really help get us out there. I can arrange my own schedule now in ways that were not always my perogative.

But all those things only make my choices easier - not possible. What makes the choices possible is me - my determination to get as much life from life as I can, my self-discipline that pushes me to follow through on wishes and desires, and the emerging refusal to believe in self-deluding limits that I have imposed upon myself!

I'd like to say I'm done with self-imposed limits in every arena of my life, but I have learned just how pervasive and insidiously convincing limits in my head can be. What I do say - as of this very instant - I am a person who strives to examine every limit she puts upon herself and to blast away those that might prevent me from enjoying anything at all that I might think other people are only allowed to enjoy. This I solemly pledge!

Monday Moment - Getting Rid of the Weeds

2007-08-21T06:45:00.001-07:00

Is this freaking you out because you can't remember if this is actually Monday or Tuesday? Hmmm.... You're right. It's actually Tuesday. I'm a day late - and way more than a dollar short! But better a day late than not at all - that's what I decided this week.

This week I can say that I'm a sailor. Ray and I have now been out twice in our new-to-us-but-over-twenty-years-old 14-footer. I read in the paper that twice out and you can call yourself a sailor. How fun is that?

You've already heard lots of metaphors from my lake-long paddle and the getting ready for it. It seems like metaphors for life blossom when one is on the water. Maybe there's time for reflection that doesn't happen quite the same way on land, maybe there's something about the water that makes me ponder, maybe I'm just more aware. Whatever the reason, here's another one that occurred to me in reference to our first and second sailing expeditions.

We have two places we can launch our sailboat on our end of Canandaigua Lake. One is along a brook that feeds into the lake - which requires that you get your boat in the water and then paddle, row, or motor a distance of a hundred yards or so before you can hoist the sail. (I love using words like hoist!) The other is a more open harbor. There you can put your boat in the water, tie up at a dock and hoist your sails. Depending on the wind that day - and your ability to dodge all the moored boats in the harbor, you can sail right out of the harbor. But there's no guarantee that the wind will still be favorable when you need to come back into the harbor.

The question of getting out to the water and back to land again served as a considerable block in our thinking about a boat. Paddling looked like too big a job, we wanted to avoid the motor, and Ray likes to row. So when we found a boat that could be fitted with oar locks, we made the jump.

Our first trip out, we were both discouraged at the beginning and end of the sail. The middle - while we were on the water - was great, but rowing along the channel and out into the lake was a lot less effective than Ray had predicted. Every stroke of the oars that should have taken us yards at a time, seemed only to take us feet. We were starting to wonder about rowing - and beginning to price motors for our boat.

The second time out, we used the harbor - and had a far different experience. This time, when the wind died before we were all the way back, Ray shipped the oars and had us back at the dock speedily and with little effort. Aha! This time the whole experience was more about fun and less about work - which we both see as important to our going sailing often!

What was the difference? Here's the metaphor. Along the channel and at its mouth, there is a lot of weed growth in the water. Those weeds caused enough drag on our boat, that we went half as far with twice the effort. In the harbor where the water is less stagnant and far less weedy, we glided along like it was meant to be.

Which led me to think... When we take the time to clear away the weeds in our life - the doubts, the long-held resentments, the crud that drags us down - we don't have to work as hard to get where we want to be. And we can actually enjoy the trip feeling the rewards of results for our efforts.

Wasn't that worth waiting an extra day?

What weeds do you need to remove from your path before it's smooth sailing?

Monday Moment - Learning at the Diner

2007-08-13T14:45:00.000-07:00

At the diner where we go out for breakfast most Sundays, you can see some of the most professional people I've ever known - serving plates of eggs, home fries, and hash.

It's a small place where we go. The kitchen is tiny, there are three waitresses working at any given time, and there's often a line out the door. Put all that together, and it means that if you want your breakfast fast, you'd be better off going through McDonald's drive-thru.

But if you have patience and are willing to nurse a cup of coffee or tea before your eggs arrive, you'll meet some of the nicest people - on both sides of the counter. And you'll have a chance to watch people who are really, really good at their jobs!

That's a lot of what we do while we cup our hands around steaming mugs. We marvel at the consistent smiles, the absolute lack of wasted motion, the friendly banter while simultaneously adding up a tab! Occasionally, we also see considerable tact while putting an irascible customer in his or her place - with such grace that you just know that person will brag about what happened after they leave. More often we see the "Cheers" theme song come to life in a 'place where everyone knows your name,' as these professionals greet the regulars they call their 'freqs' (short for frequent customers.)

Every Sunday, you're likely to hear one or both of us say, "I wouldn't last a minute in this job!" In the terror of our minds' eyes, we see confusing orders, serving cold food, dropping whole trays on customers. It's enough to make us shudder.

But none of that happens with this veteran crew. Among the waitresses, the new kid on the block has been there fifteen years, and all the rest have logged in over twenty years behind the counter. It has to be a matter of choice for each of them, because they have the kind of skills that CEOs would treasure.

What comes to me most every Sunday is a strong sense of appreciation - for a job well done and a friendly word. And the idea that I can learn a lot about living and about working well while I sip my Earl Grey - which of course I don't have to specify because they all know that's what I prefer.

There have to be times when their backs ache, when they've heard the same tired joke fourteen times too often, when they wish they could lock the door at 7AM instead of 1PM. Oh they let you know that they're real people with lives beyond the diner - if you're kind enough to become a favorite freq. But they don't visit their aches, pains, or complaints on you - ever. Professionals, that's what they are.

It's a good weekly lesson for me. How can I do my job as well? How can I put my own grumps aside to be helpful to someone else? How can I find small jobs to do in the lulls between delivering the larger jobs? How can I exercise my memory to keep all my projects straight? All that I can learn just sitting at the counter of my favorite diner.

Monday Moment - Another Reason to Keep On Keeping On!

2007-08-06T12:36:00.000-07:00

Well it's happened again. For the second week in 2007, I have failed to meet my exercise goals of 300 minutes per week. I anticipated that it would be difficult to fit in that much intentional exercise last week since I was visiting family and working with my good friends from Executive Edge at Ernst & Young's International Intern Leadership Conference. (This is such a cool program where we help E&Y facilitators know how to conduct exciting and challenging team-building activities with over 2000 student interns who have worked among Ernst & Young's other 130,000 firm members across the globe. You can find out more about it at www.executiveedgeinc.com!)

Amidst all the time we spend working together - and the time we spend socializing over wonderful dinners - my 300 minutes of intentional exercise just didn't happen. There was a lot of unintentional exercise - walking all over a huge convention center, bursts of running during energizing breaks, a little dancing, a lot of getting up and down from the floor, and one Qi Gong routine that was great fun to experience and that I think I'd like to practice on a regular basis. But I only did the briefest intentional exercise during the whole week.

By any measure, I'd have to say that I failed to meet my goal last week. And yet, I feel renewed and excited about my 300 minute goal in ways that surprise me. I've been committed and true to the goal without fail, but I have to admit that my excitement about it has been on the wane. It's just not easy to always fit in the time - and frankly I had hoped that I might be seeing more weight loss results from my commitment. I have lost a little weight - but a lot less than I'd hoped, and it hasn't been difficult to feel just a little discouraged with my meager loss.

Last week though, I discovered another way in which my 300 minute commitment has made a difference. I mentioned earlier that there is a lot of getting up and down from the floor in the work I was doing last week. We introduce an activity, then do it, and then sit down on the floor to talk about what the group did well, how the team's behavior reminds them of real life experiences, and what lessons they want to take away - to their lives and to the next activity. It's up, down, up, down, up, down, all day long.

In past years, I'd start to ache from all the up and down by at least the second day - and know that I'd have four more days to go! I discovered muscles I apparently hadn't used in a long time, and I got very stiff and sore. But this year, I managed the ups and downs with surprising ease. I didn't need the Advil and Aleve that I'd relied on in other years. It felt good to sit down - and it felt good to get back up again. Clearly I was both stronger and more flexible this year - and that has to be due to my 300 minutes of exercise commitment.

See why I'm excited? I saw results! They weren't the results I was hoping for - 15 pounds gone instead of a measly 6 - but they were results nonetheless! I handled the rigor of our up and down work with more ease than some of my younger colleagues - and more importantly than I did just a year ago! Hooray! One more reason to keep on keeping on!

Monday Moment - What I Learned on a Summer Adventure

2007-07-23T15:41:00.000-07:00

The deed is done! Today was the day that I paddled my pretty little kayak the length of Canandaigua Lake! And I did it!

As you know, I've been working up to this for the last 5 or 6 weeks, and except for a little stiffness in my hand - and the need for a shower and a nap when I got back home - I came through like a trooper! And have the callouses to prove it! Whoopie!

It was a perfect day for my adventure. Mostly cloudy, cool and comfortable with only the slightest breeze out of the southwest. I put in at Kershaw Park at the north end of the lake about 7:30 AM, and climbed out in Woodville at the south end about 5 hours later and 14-15 miles later.

For the first two hours, I was looking at scenery I'd seen on other paddles. I'd seen the rest of the lake too - but not in my own boat and on my own power - and that made a big difference in the fun quotient!

I could go on - and probably will if you ever exhibit the slightest interest in my dozens of pictures. But what I want to do now is contemplate what I've learned from the experience. Here's what's in my head so far.

1. Setting a goal - any goal - really is an act of power! I never would have accomplished this lake-length paddle if I hadn't decided to do it. Setting the goal - of what I'd do, when I'd do it, and how I'd take it on - that got me halfway there!

2. Putting a deadline on the goal was hugely important too. The deadline helped create my training schedule, kept me motivated, and pushed me to do what I said I'd do. I find that when I'm really clear on what I want, then ordinary logic can tell me what I need to do. "If I want this, then I'd better do this..."

3. Building in a reward helped motivate me too. For me the biggest reward was just a little anticipated bragging - in this venue and to friends and family I'll see in Florida next week. Another big reward was the look on Ray's face as I paddled to meet him at the south end of the lake. He's been bragging on me too, and it feels pretty sweet knowing that he's proud of me. And about 3 hours into the paddle, I started to visualize a fully justified slice of warm rhubarb pie with a generous scoop of ice cream. We drove back from the south end to our favorite diner and the pie was just as yummy as it sounds!

4. It's important to train and get ready for a big goal - but for me, it's also important not to wait until I am entirely and fully convinced that I'm ready. More than once in the last week - especially as I checked this week's weather and today seemed like the only really good day - I've thought about putting off the paddle till into August or even September. After all, that would give me more time to get ready. Except that I'd miss bragging rights with friends and family, and might give myself all kinds of ways to weasel out. And I didn't need to wait. I might not have felt 100% ready, but I was clearly ready enough. I need to remember that taking on any new challenge won't feel easy-chair comfortable - and I don't need it to. I'm tough enough to withstand a little emotional and/or physical discomfort. Ready or not.

5. On the same day I paddled Canandaigua Lake, a bunch of bicyclists pedaled through town on their way from Buffalo to Albany. They reminded me that my experience is not unique. Rising to a physical challenge is something we humans can do - and the physical growth tends to spill over into emotional, intellectual, social, environmental, and spiritual arenas too.

5. And finally, reflecting on what I'd learned adds spice and flavor to an already rich experience. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to share - and brag! But what will really excite me is to hear about the challenges you're taking on! Let me know by responding to my blog!

Monday Moment - Against the Wind or With the Flow?

2007-07-16T15:38:00.000-07:00

It's been quite windy in my part of the world lately. One day it might be a cool breeze from the north. Another it's a hard hot wind out of the sourth. And still another it's one of our prevailing westerlies.

I've been more aware of the wind as it's become a major factor in training for my long kayak paddle. I confess that I prefer the gentlest of breezes - just enough to make a light ripple over the water and cool me down. But that's not been the kind of weather pattern we've been having.

No the breezes we've been getting are better described as stiff - the kind that raise considerable waves! And like it or not, if I'm going to get in the kind of training I need before I set out on my 15 mile paddle the length of Canandaigua Lake, I've had to train in stiff wind.

Since there are limited places where I can put my boat in and take my boat out on our lake, that means that my training runs are always a round-trip paddle. So regardless of the wind's direction, I'm going to paddle part of the way against it and part of the way with the wiind.

Ah those metaphors for life abound - and leap into my head when I'm alone with wind and water.

What's become clear to me is that when I'm fresh, I like paddling against the wind. It's invigorating! I like the challenge, I appreciate the feel of the wind in my face and the sound of my boat slapping down into a trough of waves makes me laugh. I like the look of a wave crashing over the bow of my pretty little boat, and I imagine what it must have been like for a colonist sailing across the rough Atlantic on their way to the new world. That's all when I'm feeling fresh.

On my return leg, paddling against the wind is a tedious imposition. When I'm tired, I can really appreciate going with the wind. That's when kayaking takes on a slight resemblance to surfing. It's easier and you get further faster when you go with the flow. And last week, I also discovered that if I paddle just a little faster, it's more fun, and I get more distance from a wave that's going in my same direction.

All this wind play has reminded me that sometimes it's good to take on challenges head on - and sometimes you can get further faster just going with the flow. Neither approach works all the time, neither is inhearantly better or worse than the other - the trick is to assess the situation and my own readiness for challenge or flow. And of course to notice what hwppens when I take either approach - and be ready to change my direction accordingly.

Monday Moment - Declare Our Causes!

2007-07-02T19:10:00.000-07:00

"When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and wqual station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."

I have always found this opening paragraph to the Declaration of Independence compelling. Yes, as a kid I was steeped in 4th of July traditions, Johnny Tremain, the film version of 1776, and all the romance of the American Revolutionary War. And as an adult, I'm still susceptible to the nationalistic trappings that often get confused with patriotism. I like marching bands, picnics, and fireworks.

But beyond the hoopla of this week's holiday, I do try to remember just what was in the minds of my country's brilliant, and imperfect founding fathers and mothers. Separating from England to form what could only be imagined at the time as a grand experiment was a big deal to the privileged men who met in Philadelphia in 1776. And I must say, I like that they felt responsible to show "a decent respect to the opinions of mankind" and that they felt compelled to "declare the causes which impel[led] them."

I think more of us should feel so compelled - to declare ourselves, our purpose, our intent, our carefully considered values, beliefs, and reasons for what we do. I'd like to see more of the "decent respect to the opinions of [hu]mankind" in myself - and I'd like to see more of it in the elected public servants to this land I call home.

I'd like to see less swagger and more substance, less posturing and more politeness, less reasoning to defend a position and more reasoning with to develop an understanding. I'd like to see less anxiety about the current poll and more genuine concern about how the next generation will view today's actions. I'd like to see less officiousness and more service, less blaming and more personal responsibility.

And I'd like to see this at all levels - in our elected and appointed public servants, our citizens, and in myself.

When in the course of my own human events, I here now so solemly pledge - "my Life, my Fortune, and my sacred Honor."

80 Things I Learned from My 80 Year-Old Teacher, Mentor, and Friend: Dr. Sidney B. Simon

2007-06-25T14:17:00.000-07:00

Love unconditionally
Up the risk to grow
It doesn’t help to try to fill one’s bucket with self-esteem until we patch all the leaks that prevent us holding that esteem in.
IALAC – I Am Lovable (just because I am) And Capable (because I prove to myself that I can do things and because I am both lovable and capable I can conclude that I am of worth.)
Don’t look at the world with ‘red pencil glasses.’
Time alone is an important element for overall wellness.
Ask ‘brave questions’ to generate real and meaningful conversation.
I don’t have to kick myself in the butt all the time.
Negative Criticism is destructive – whether it’s directed toward myself or others.
I should only offer negative criticism after I filter it through at least 6 rigorous filters – which in my experience rarely allow such criticism through.
Everyone is somebody’s baby – and should be treated with the tenderness we reserve for babies.
Skin requires the nourishment of touch.
When loving words might be hard to say, loving touch communicates deeply and powerfully.
Words are important – and we can grow to find them easier to say.
Loving touch added to loving words communicates unmistakably.
One man or one woman can touch many lives in innumerable ways.
Writing freely – in the style of Ira Progoff’s journaling method – uncovers thoughts and feelings that may have been lurking beneath the surface, and helps me know what to do with those thoughts and feelings.
Writing, music, touch, and community – are all windows for my learning.
“80 is the new 60!”
It helps to have the right tools for the job of living.
Validation – giving one’s ‘stamp of approval’ helps build relationships.
Relationships can be fragile – gossamer thread fragile.
Abundant validation helps build a gossamer thread into a steel cable that can withstand the occasional inadvertent unfiltered negative criticism.
We are all vulnerable to attacks on our self-esteem – but we can learn to fight off such vultures.
It’s not only okay to have feelings – regardless of one’s gender – it’s more than okay to share those feelings with others.
Sharing feelings is how we develop true intimacy with someone else.
If I can’t remember what I did last Saturday night, then I probably need to make my weekends more enriching and memorable.
Creating a sense of safety is crucial to creating a great learning community.
Creating opportunities for learners to think, write, and speak – especially in small groups – helps them own and be responsible for their own learning.
To be your ally, I can ask what you specifically want me to do and then to ask you if you have felt my support. I’ll need effective feedback and validation that I’m giving you what you need.
Taking turns is a good system.
There is never enough time. If something is important, you’ll get back to it. And if it is really important, don’t worry, it will get back to you.
#32 is true if you’re talking about feelings that are real. If, instead, you’re engaging in melodrama, it won’t be important enough for you to remember to get back to it.
A component of overall wellness is having a sense of order and beauty in one’s life.
Another component of wellness is having a counseling outlet – someone who will listen when you need to have someone listen even if you have to pay that person to do the listening.
A great way to evaluate something is to ask Mamie Porter’s 3 Questions: What did I like about…? If I had it to do again, what would I do differently? What support do I need?
Mamie Porter’s questions can also be adapted to very practical things like job performance appraisals: What do you like about your performance? What would you do differently? What support do you need from me?
It’s good to be able to say “I respect myself for..” and then list as many respectable qualities as you can – even 50!
When you’re motive is ego, saying something publicly is a negative “Look at me,” but if you’re motive is to benefit the community, it’s not a “look at me” situation.”
It’s useful to look at the things – both positive and negative – that shaped one’s life – and then to make new choices to shape one’s own life.
Support – someone to listen, to encourage, to cheerlead, to give truthful feedback – is really important for living well!
It’s wise to seek out different people to fill the different roles of support listed in #41 because asking it all from one person may be expecting too much of that person who also has a life that needs supporting.
It’s a risk to share who we really are – a risk that helps us grow.
Risk needs to be tempered with safety. We don’t need to share who we are with someone who isn’t safe.
It’s important to forgive – the people who hurt me were probably doing the best they could do with what they had.
Denial is not a bad thing. It can protect us when we can’t deal with what’s happening. But getting stuck pretending not to know what we really know has a very high cost.
Self-blame is a rung higher than denial because it acknowledges that something has happened – and sometimes we do need to claim true responsibility for what we attract. But when we’ve been hurt in ways that we truly could not control what happened to us, we need to learn that IT WAS NOT OUR FAULT!
Abuse of any kind is no way to treat a little kid!
Victim-hood is another rung higher on the road to forgiveness and healing because we can then say, “this happened to me. It wasn’t right. I did NOT deserve that!” But we don’t have the capacity yet to draw boundaries to protect ourselves.
Victim-hood has several flavors – self-indulgence, whining, and mean-ness.
Victims – who get stuck in that stage – beget victims – people who have been hurt and then hurt others in both intentional and unintentional ways. Hurt people hurt people.
Victim-hood is a natural and in some ways helpful stage – but not a healthy place to get stuck for 20 years or more.
A powerful lever out of the stage of victim-hood is a commitment to seek and achieve overall wellness.
When we exercise important self-care – taking care of ourselves first – then we are less likely to hurt someone else and more able to be of genuine help to another.
When we can say, ‘this happened to me, it wasn’t right, I did not deserve that, AND IT WILL NOT HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN!” we’ve reached the strong stage in healing called Anger.
In anger, we commit that something has to change.
In anger, we draw boundaries around ourselves that protect us from the hurt we’ve previously been dealt.
A cost of anger is that we seem to attract angry people and angry reactions to us.
It is no fun to date a person who is angry!
One lever out of the anger stage is humor that helps us put our hurt into perspective.
Another lever out of anger is the genuine desire – and growing capacity – to help others.
Humor and the desire and capacity to help others allows us to slide to the next rung of survivor-hood.
Until we reach the survivor stage in our healing, we should not attempt to help others. We don’t yet have the capacity.
Surviving a hurt is a great feeling – but even here we tend to identify ourselves in terms of the hurt and not all the other parts of our being.
When we can acknowledge that the hurt has shaped our lives, and also recognize that we have other gifts and joys and arenas of our lives that the hurt is not part of – then we reach the stage that Sid and Suzanne Simon called Integration (and which I call Thriver-hood.)
Knowing the stages of healing intellectually is not the same as feeling them emotionally – but can help us prepare for the natural hurts of living and identify hopeful ways out of mire we might find ourselves temporarily stuck in.
There’s a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is internal, I caused it, I can atone for it. Shame is external, visited upon me by someone else, and it is neither fair nor reasonable to visit shame upon someone else.
If it’s good to contemplate what shaped my life, isn’t it also useful to contemplate what shaped the lives of others – like my parents, my sibs, my lover? Might that not make me more understanding of them?
It is not necessary to be perfect. Excellence will do just fine!
Taking time out to consider my feelings right here and now (using a tool called the Here and Now Wheel) is a useful process – under stress, in great happiness, and at the myriad moments in between.
From Louis Raths, “If a person has a cold, you don’t give them pneumonia germs.”
Healing unfinished business with someone who may be the next to die – and anyone may be the next to die – is important to both the person who is dying and the person who survives.
I can’t control what has happened already in the timeline of my life, but in the time I have left – my rainbow years – I need to frequently list what I want to have, do, experience, and/or witness in the precious time I have left.
When you do make a list of what you want to do, have, experience, and/or witness before you die – you get a lot more of what you want in your life!
Six things that trainers/facilitators need: something to teach, some way to organize it, a compelling way to present the learning, a way for learners to follow up, a way to market one’s gifts, a multitude of ways in which to renew oneself and keep growing.
Effective strategy sequences include: a tool to help support a concept or theory, leading from something to something, a grabber, active learner involvement followed by closure and processing time for the learners, as well as hints about where they might go next in their learning.
From William James: “to make a change, you must start immediately and flamboyantly, and make no exceptions.”
I can design and redesign a day, an hour, a minute, by considering what I’d have it contain, “In my perfect fantasy…”
From Louis Rath’s: “To be a value, one must choose it freely, from alternatives, understanding the consequences of the choice, prize and publicly affirm it, and act with repetition, pattern, and consistency upon it.” My own twist: it must also be morally right and good.
If you come up with an idea, that doesn’t mean you have to carry it out. If no one else steps up to carry it, it might be an idea ahead of its time.

Monday Moment - From a Grateful Student

2007-06-25T14:16:00.001-07:00

This Monday finds me in a rare and rather wonderful mood that combines a high from a great weekend conference and the physical and emotional stupor from expending myself fully.

The conference was held to honor my teacher, mentor, and friend Dr. Sidney B. Simon on the occasion of his 80th year on this planet. A community of people who have learned from Sid - from the 1930's through 2007 - gathered to attend sessions led by Sid and his students. It was magical - fun, heart-warming, thought-provoking, fully and totally alive!

Sid's message had to do with how one measure's a life - the friends one keeps, what one's children say behind one's back, finding one's gifts and sharing them in ways that help others, the work one leaves, the love one has given, prayers prayed for others, and on and on. (It occurred to me too late to add it to the Sid's list on Sunday, but I've also been thinking about the FUN HAD!)

There's no doubt that Sid - the man and his work - have touched people deeply. I've witnessed people speak their gratitude for lessons learned - and I've experienced it myself.

So in my own gratitude, I decided I'd attempt a list of 80 Things I Have Learned from My Teacher, Mentor and Friend Sid Simon. Somewhere around 23 learnings, I began to think I might have difficulty coming up with 80 - but that was a premature and silly worry. By #65 or so, it was clear I'd have a surplus. This is a man who has had much and will continue to have much to teach. So I opted not to worry that my list be complete. It will grow as memory uncovers learnings that have been packed away and as I continue to learn from Sid.

So here's my list. But be warned. These are learnings that one will gain most from by reading slowly and pondering deeply. Skim if you must - but to really soak up each gem of an idea, you'll need to think and feel and journal and speak your truths out loud. Or just sign up for the next workshop that Sid offers to start or add to your own list of what you've learned.

Close Reading from Charles Frazier

2007-06-19T08:19:00.000-07:00

The following are a few excerpts from Charles Frazier's Thirteen Moons - excerpts that I NOTICED with the practice of 'Close Reading' that Francine Prose talks about in her book Reading for Writing.

p 97 - "Or maybe it is only that we are so habitually inattentive that when some rare but simple geometry grabs us by the shoulders and shakes us into consciousness, we call our response sacred."

p 143 - "We could not allow a wide space in the trail to pass without riding alongside each other and letting our hands touch. At such a moment of conclusion in later life, I would inevitably have felt a sense of failure, an overwhelming gloom in the knowledge that days such as those three were done and gone forever. But back then I simply exulted in the false but glorious knowledge that life would be exactly this way from now on. I wasn't different from anybody else. I took youth as a special pact from God."

p 313 - "Then another black woman younger and darker than the one who'd answered the door, came into the parlor carrying a wailing baby bundled in little white blankets. All you could see was a face like a barn owl's, just as round and flat and pale and fierce. Like all babies. If they had the physical means, they'd kill you without conscience to fulfill their slightest immediate desire. Same as housecats, which if they weighed two hundred pounds would not accede to our existence for a single day."

There are dozens - probably pages upon pages - of other wonderfully written passages in Frazier's second novel. These are just a few that grabbed me by the shoulders. In all, I found the story of Cold Mountain more moving than the story of Thirteen Moons, but I'd read anything Frazier ever writes again simply to wallow in his gift for language.

Monday Moment - NOTICE!

2007-06-18T10:20:00.001-07:00

A couple days ago I got around to doing two things that I'd been meaning to do for some time. And now I wish I'd gotten to them sooner. But as a dear mentor of mine used to say, "If you'd have known better, you'd have done better. Next time."

The first thing I got to was reading in a book called Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose. (Don't you just love that her name is Prose?) On the recommendation of a man in my writers group, I picked up this book over a month ago, but I hadn't yet read anything from it. On Friday I took the opportunity to occupy my mind while my hair turned a different color - Reading Like a Writer helped me fill some otherwise unspoken-for time.

Now I know that this is a book I want to read s-l-o-w-l-y - which is not generally my style. Usually, I devour books with the same immoderation I show for chocolate. I am always in a fever to know what happens next, and often can't rest till I close the back cover.

Francine (I just can't call her Prose without giggling) recommends a different way of reading. She calls it 'close reading', which honors an author's choice of words by paying attention to each and every one. What an interesting revelation. For me, the message has been - in capital letters - NOTICE!

On the heels of Francine's admonition to pay attention, I chose this weekend to catch up on my Reading Journal. You can imagine that if I devour books but don't much like paperwork, my goal of recording the books I read - and capturing the gems within - can pile up on me. It's a goal that has big rewards as I find that the physical act of writing about a book helps me remember that I have, in fact, read it.

And I learned this weekend that when I've taken the time to mark a telling passage with a sticky note and then set down that passage in my Reading Journal - I am 'close reading' in a way that lets me own rather than just rent the author's words. Wow! Here was a heart-pounding, mind-jumping revelation!

It helped that sticky notes crowded the pages of Charles Frazier's Thirteen Moons . Such words that man can choose! I couldn't always remember exactly why a line, a paragraph, or a page moved me two or three months ago when I read them - until I began to record them in my Readers Journal. Then, the unfamiliar act of cursive writing pulled me to ponder every word and how it connected to every other word - and holy cow, those words mesmerized me!

I NOTICED!

Which has led me to consider all the things in my life that I habitually fail to notice. The jolt of one color juxtaposed upon another, 'the delicate, thin curve of a new moon in spring' (Walt Whitman's words that I have written frequently enough to own them for my own and observed for myself while walking across the asphalt marina of my local grocer), the rush of wind hitting me square in the face that calms in my perception when I do nothing more than turn my head, the words that spring into my own head when I take the time and demand my mind's presence to NOTICE!

So with my awareness temporarily heightened, I'm determined to NOTICE more - and with more diligence. And to continue reading Francine Prose to see what else she has to teach me about reading, writing, and living well!

Monday Moment - Hungry for More!

2007-06-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

I've read - and I've said - that achieving any goal makes you hungry to achieve more goals. This weekend I've become more and more aware of a hunger that I intend to assuage this summer.

For a couple of years, I've been thinking about kayaking the length of Canandaigua Lake - about 16 miles - just to say I had done it. Have you ever noticed just how safe 'thinking about' something can be?

Well last year, I said - out loud in the presence of a witness - "I think some nice day next summer I'll kayak the length of Canandaigua Lake." Have you ever noticed just how safe "I think I will..." can be?

But even all that safe 'thinking' can land on a person hungry to pile up achieved goals. The thought has been germinating until yesterday, it became "I'm in training to paddle the length of Canandaigua Lake before August 1, 2007."

I'm not entirely sure the route this goal took on the way from being a thought to being a goal. I only knew that from the time I took my pretty little kayak out for the first spin on the season yesterday, I have been consumed with all the what's, how's, and when's of making this trip. I went from 'thinking' about it, to planning it!

The what - set out early one nice day and paddle from the north end of our beautiful Finger Lake to the south end. Or maybe from the south to the north - I'm weighing the benefits of either approach.

The how's are myriad. I'll do it on a weekday when our lake has less power boat traffic than on weekends. I'll carry water and food for the trip in a bag on a rope that I can retrieve from below deck in the front of my kayak. I'll acquire a waterproof container so I can also carry my cell phone so that if I should wear a blister on my feathering thumb or meet some other challenge that would take all the fun out of the effort, I can call my ride and temporarily abort the trip midstream. I'll wear a hat and sunscreen.

I'll train - and build up a callous so that blistering isn't likely. Yesterday, I paddled 2-3 miles for 45 minutes. Today I paddled what I estimate to be about 8 miles round trip for a little under 2 hours - and yes that does count toward my 300 minutes of intentional exercise a week! I'll continue to train, extending my time until I regularly paddle at least 35 miles a week. On days I don't paddle, I'll swim and/or walk and use handweights to build strength.

The when is not yet fixed in my mind. And in some respects, it won't become fixed until the morning I set off. I won't set off in a thunderstorm and I won't take on this challenge if the forecast calls for the hottest day of the year. I will - after more training and planning - set a target week, watch the weather, and be ready to go on the first good day. I think it would be fun to choose the summer solstice (though that's coming quite soon and I may not be ready yet) or my parents wedding anniversary (also pretty imminent), but it might be that I choose a new occasion that I can celebrate and commemorate in years to come.

What I know now is that I want to achieve this goal before August 1 - so I won't let myself weasel out by procrastinating too long and because I'll be traveling a fair amount of August and therefore won't be able to train. And besides, I'll be seeing some old friends and meeting new ones in August, and I want to be able to brag on my accomplishment!

A big goal always takes a little chewing before you get it down to bite-sized pieces, and I'll be chewing on this one for a while yet. But I will paddle the length of Canandaigua Lake before August 1 this summer. And then I'll probably get hungry to achieve yet another goal that hasn't yet surfaced. Hmm... I'd better start thinking now!

Monday Moment - Go Ahead! Be a Klutz!

2007-06-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

I'm a person who gets bored easily, and therefore new experiences are something that I often enjoy. But even though my personality type (Activator Orange in the Personality IQ) thrives on unexplored territory, that doesn't mean that the thriving isn't often accompanied by equal jolts of the fear of the unknown.

It's a conundrum because at the same time that I crave the new, I am also a person who likes believing she is competent at what she does. Hmmm... Do you see my challenge? How can I feel competent at something I've never done before? And why on earth would I expect this of myself?

Yeah, I can't think of a good reason either. But it does seem to be what I expect. The very idea of not knowing what I'm doing can be daunting enough to keep me from trying something new. And if I don't master it quickly, I could be likely to give it up all together rather than face the uncomfortable klutzy feelings of a beginner.

Dumb, huh! I'm working on it though - and pushing myself to find klutzy just fine. It's a struggle - and I'm clearly not feeling competent at it yet - but I'm sticking with this new feeling. Why? There are just too many exciting things I haven't done yet - and I don't want to miss them all just because I have some unrealistic expectation of myself!

I've had a few experiences this last week that have helped me practice feeling okay with feeling dumb.

I've jumped into a sailing club with no boat and rusty, half-learned skills from lessons last year. Not only will I feel dumb in a boat, but I'll need to push myself to make social connections in this club as well. So I'll repeat my new mantra - klutzy is okay.

I'm building a website - with a program new to me and that's supposed to be intuitive, but seems to elude my intuition. I've figured out a lot on my own, but today decided to ask for help - realizing that an hour or two might well save 10-20 hours of struggling time. Klutzy is okay.

I'm trying to teach myself Italian so I can have more fun when I take a trip there later this summer. My tongue gets all tangled up in my teeth and even when I can hear the correct pronunciation, it just won't come out of my mouth. Klutzy va bene.

And the life I want to lead will be filled with many more adventurous new experiences that I just won't be able to master without feeling klutzy first. So I'm determined to focus on the real and tangible thrills of unchartered territory rather than on the angst of incompetence. Klutzy is just a sign that I'm living a full life!

Monday Moment - Grateful to Remember

2007-05-28T09:52:00.000-07:00

It's a beautiful day in my community today, bright, clear skies, warm with a cool and ready breeze - a great day for a parade! And that's exactly how my honey and I - and a substantial number of our population spent this Memorial Day morning.

"It's a slice of Americana." "Good to see you!" "Look at the little ones!" "That high school band is something!" These are all things I heard. There was an attitude of appreciation for every fire truck, ambulance, Brownie, Cub Scout, and parent that marched before us. Families, kids, and even dogs all seemed happy for the excuse to gather - and to express the appreciation that we feel.

The appreciation was most tangible right from the start of the parade as a large group of veterans - many in wheelchairs and quite a few from World War II as well as more recent conflicts - led off. As they wheeled or ambled past, the crowd stood and applauded.

Our community is host to a Veterans Hospital which is the only home many of our local Vets have known since they returned from their service. I couldn't help but think about the lives that these old men had hoped to live when they were young, whole, and hopeful. I'm sure that living out their lives in a VA Hospital wasn't in their plan, and I became aware in a new way of just how much they gave.

Marching along with the group of Vets were a few young moms pushing a stroller or pulling along a wagon occupied with a flag-waving pre-schooler. When I saw the kids, I thought, "I'll bet they haven't served overseas." But then I thought again. As a spectator, I couldn't be certain, but I began to wonder if these were families of soldiers now serving in Iraq. As I considered the possibility, my gratitude grew.

I feel grateful to those whose lives were interrupted in ways they couldn't predict and wouldn't have chosen - as well as those whose lives were lost entirely. I feel grateful to soldiers serving in the best way they know how under what must often seem like insurmountable conditions. I'm grateful to families who must recognize that their husbands, wives, sons, and daughters, mommies, and daddies may not return - and certainly won't ever be quite the same people they were before.

I'm grateful to our community's parade organizers who were astute enough to know that amidst the fun and fanfare of a slice of Americana, we'd also want to demonstrate our gratitude to those who serve - in whatever capacity that may be. I'm grateful to individuals and organizations who are doing far more than I to help soldiers and families feel remembered and honored on days beyond those few we set aside for them. I'm grateful that I have been allowed - due to their diligence and willingness to serve and protect - to live out the life I have planned.

And I'm grateful to live in a community and country that strives to be worthy of the sacrifices that have been made in our name. It's a healthy thing to be grateful - and to strive for higher levels of excellence as well!

2007-05-21T14:18:00.001-07:00

In the past week, I've been learning a lesson about paying attention - and on the benefits of taking action right away instead of putting it off and pretending I haven't noticed. I wish I could say that I've been learning the lesson because I have been taking action - but no. I've been learning the lesson because I'm paying the price of not taking action. Here's what I should have done.

Early last week I noticed that my car was making a tinny, rattling noise as I slowed, accelerated, or idled. Did I quick make a stop at my car dealership? Nope. I thought of it every time I slowed, accelerated, or idled, but not when I could make an appointment. I did finally make a call on Friday and as I described the rattle, my service guy said, "Sounds like the shield on the exhaust. Not a big deal. We'll just take it off. We don't even need an appointment." Whew! It could have been so much worse. And I will get it in - tomorrow or the next day I promise.

More troubling has been a tooth that has been increasingly sensitive to cold - and sometimes heat. I used the most laborious of excuses to procrastinate on this one. 1) I hate going to the dentist. Doesn't everybody? 2) I have a regular appointment scheduled next month; maybe I could put it off till then. 3) It's likely to be a root canal (I've been down this road before) and cha-ching, cha-ching. It's been an expensive couple of months. 4) Maybe it will get better on its own. Right. Well it hasn't gotten better, it's gotten worse. I put it off last week, but after a weekend of considerable pain, I made the call first thing this morning. If I'd taken action earlier, I'd have hurt a lot less!

I did finally take action on another of those long-delayed-to-do-list-items. I finally got myself into the Post Office a week and a half ago to submit my passport application. After all, I'm planning on a trip to Italy this summer, and I shouldn't delay. But of course, because I had delayed, I opted to pay more to have my application expedited. Put something off, the cost is higher. The good news is that my passport arrived very quickly. Just today! Now I have to start studying Italian again!

You'd think we'd learn these lessons. Pay attention. If you notice something wrong - or an opportunity for that matter - deal with it right then. But the painful (literally for me) reality is that many lessons must appear numerous times before we're ready to learn. Such lessons knock, then knock again, then beat the door down - and still we resist learning.

Probably I haven't fully grasped the lesson yet. But before this week is out, a painful tooth and a rattling automobile will be off my to-do-list. And I will have learned five new Italian verbs. I'll probably backslide, but now that these issues have my attention - and I've gone public with my vow - I want them off my plate. Now. And just maybe, I'll feel a little twinge of reminder in my jaw the next time I'm tempted to pretend not to notice something that needs my attention right away. Here's hoping!

What needs your attention right now? Respond to my blog at http://healthypeoplelearn.blogspot.com

And Plan now to participate in my May Telewebinar titled "Relationship Builders". This Thursday, May 24, 7:30 pm. FREE! We'll explore the power of validation and postive enCOURAGEment to build all kinds of relationships - at home, at work, at play!

Many blessings in this darling month of May - and may your teeth be free from pain!

Monday Moment - Sharpen Appreciative Senses

2007-05-14T18:13:00.000-07:00

There are two or three days every spring when leaves that were barely present the day before, burst forth with a froth of green - just like they'd always been there. I love those couple of days!

One day, I'm looking at the bones of trees, and the next I'm looking at a leafy canopy. There's a color - one of the original Crayola 64 I'm pretty sure - a vivid yellowy green that Crayola aptly named Spring Green. It's a color that fills me we excitement and satisfaction.

Yup. You guessed it. Spring is without question my favorite season. I love slipping into sandals, leaving the house without a coat, peeking into my flower beds to see what has emerged from the earth today, and the first root beer float of the season!

Spring is a treat for all my senses. Spring feels good. I swear my skin gets itchy to breathe and not be confined to layers of clothing. I love a breeze that lifts my hair and swirls around my skin. And though I know I must protect myself from it with significant SPF, I love the kiss of the sun too - especially as I sink my hands into loamy soil. I try to remember to wear my gardening gloves the rest of the year, but in spring, I can't resist the feel of real soil on my real skin.

Spring smells good - especially now that the lilacs are popping out. Spring tastes oh so yummy good! Strawberries! Asparagus! Rhubarb! Delish! And it's all rich with the anticipation of actual food from the skinny little plants I'll soon be setting out. Yum!

And I good wax poetic - as if I were the very first to try - about how perfectly lovely spring looks. Every drop of color, from the first purple crocus to the vivid red of my Japanese maple - with daffodil brightness and grape hyacinth blueness in between - is cause for celebration.

And as if all the above weren't enough, the sounds of spring burst forth like joy that can't be contained. The best thing about my old dog's wake-up call every morning is the rush of birdsong we hear just outside the back door. It's tangible enough to physically lift one six or eight feet off the ground. Add in the peepers and bullfrogs of the evening, and I, like Gershwin, have to wonder who could ask for anything more.

I'm sure that beauty is just sitting there waiting to be appreciated all the rest of the year. And it's an ongoing goal of mine to be more awake to notice the beautiful whenever and wherever it may appear. In spring, though, I'd have to be entirely senseless to not see, hear, taste, smell, and feel beauty knocking me upside the head. This year, I'm going to make an even greater effort to hold the joys of spring within me, to learn more gratitude, more zest, more utter contentment from the bounty that's presented to me. Now there's an effort that I'm guessing will feel effortless in this darling month of May!

Monday Moment - Climbing Back on The Goal Horse

2007-05-07T09:22:00.000-07:00

In the last couple weeks, I've had to learn the lesson of starting over when I missed my target goal. It's a lot less fun than hitting my target, but when I set ambitious goals, I'm not always going to hit them. And then I'm faced with a choice. Do I cover up, fudge, or deny the goal? Do I give up? Or do I accept and forgive my blunders, vow to do better, and get on with it?

Week before last was the first week since before Christmas that I missed doing 300 minutes of exercise. I can make all kinds of excuses. The weather was cold and rainy - not good for walking or working in the garden. I've taken on a new professional role that's required me to fit new responsibilities into my schedule - something I haven't nailed quite yet. An extra day's work - a Saturday conference at which I expended a lot of energy - took up potential exercise time and pooped me out. Even trying a new place for dancing - which might have filled my remaining 30 minutes - didn't work since the band was more suited for listening than dancing.

All those excuses were real. And they were still excuses. I could have pushed myself, could have anticipated the challenges in my schedule, and could have wasted 30 minutes less that I could have used for exercise. Ah well. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. The upshot is that - not counting the 10 minute or so of dancing at the end of the week - I missed my 300 minute goal by 30 minutes.

So, I'm opting to own up, to vow for better performance, and get on with it. I don't let myself carry over minutes from a previous week - but on this one occasion I can get on with adding more than 30 minutes to the following week. Which I have done. Last week's total was 352.

I intended to tell you all this in last week's Monday Moment - but a lot of those same excuses got in my way. Monday went by, and I didn't meet my goal. I thought I'd get it out to you on Tuesday, or even Wednesday, but by then the 'give-up-on-it' option was too tempting. So here I am, trying to remount my goal horse!

Climbing back on the goal horse is something we all have to learn to do. When we set ambitious goals, we won't always hit our target. So we have to learn to recommit ourselves, and not give up - either on the goal itself or on the idea of setting goals. Starting over when you're committed to a goal isn't like starting from the very bottom. The goal itself has raised the floor as has your experience of reaching for the goal. And reaching for the goal gets us closer to what we want than not even having something to reach for.

270 minutes? Missing a Monday Moment? Neither meets the goals I've set. But reaching 270 minutes is a mounting block that makes hitting 352 the next week a lot easier than starting from scratch. And the feeling now that I'm back on my goal horse - well the view is teriffic! I'd recommend it!

Monday Moment for Health - Learning from Loss

2007-04-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

In the past week, my thoughts have been about loss. So many tragic events in Virginia, Iraq, and all across the planet have gripped my heart. The loss of so many futures diminishes my soul as John Donne once said. "No man is an island. Any man's death dimishes me..."

And yet, loss of those who are distant from me, is not experienced in the same way as losing one who is close. So I confess that my sorrow for loss of human life has not been as present for me in the last week, as my sadness to lose a dear canine friend.

It's more than a little embarrassing to even mention my loss in the same breath as other tragedies. But it too is real. And I hope that my feelings about my little dog BY help to make me more empathetic to all who have lost someone they loved.

Each loss in my life has been different and I've reacted to each in different ways. But one thing I've noticed is that anytime I lose a human or an animal that I love, my soul echoes with other losses I've felt. And still amidst those sad echoes is a sense of privilege that I got to share all those lives at all.

BY and her brother TC (TCBY. Get it?) literally followed me home nearly 15 years ago, fell in love with Dave on sight, and wormed their way into our hearts until we were theirs - despite the fact that we had no business having three dogs! If they'd been well-behaved dogs, it might have been different. But each had unruly traits that made our household noisy, chaotic, and sometimes smelly! It didn't matter. We loved them all.

In the years since Dave - and then our oldest dog - died, BY got sweeter all the time. For almost a year now, she's been on heavy doses of heart medications and the vet has been warning us that she had only months left. Those months stretched out to almost a year. For every little relapse there seemed to be a rebound. It sometimes felt like she'd keep going and going - just not willing to leave me.

But even big hearts give out eventually, and when BY's quality of life took a steep decline, it was time. I'd never had to have an animal euthanized before, and though it's not something I look forward to doing ever again, I found it a process filled with dignity, respect, and love. It was a privilege to feel her soft white fur against my cheek as she slipped away.

At Dave's memorial service, I shared a book called Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant. In dog heaven, there are fields for running, geese to chase, clouds to sleep on, and tables to lie under while angels eat their supper. And for BY, there is Dave who will give her pets, popcorn, and lots of laptime.

Actually Dave and BY were both great greeters and comforters, so I'd bet they've been assigned to the welcoming committee. Dave will play rock and roll for all our young students and soldiers, and when they cry for the life they left behind, BY will gently lick away their tears.

Monday Moment for Health 4/16/07 Clearing Out!

2007-04-16T08:48:00.001-07:00

I cleaned out a closet this week! Ok, that's not a big deal for a lot of folks, but for me it's a really big deal! And I shredded old documents from the last century ('97,'98,'99) too! Another big deal - for me! I was on a roll - and no I didn't have a fever! I know some of you might be wondering what on earth came over me!

You see I am genetically and environmentally programmed to be a pack-rat! I'm a keeper. It's nearly embarrassing how much stuff I keep. Only nearly embarrassing though, because the values of resourcefulness and thrift were deeply embedded in me by my depression era parents, and I can find a source of pride that balances out any potential embarrassment.

But even I have limits. And goals to clear clutter and simplify my life. In easily accessible stages! One closet at a time!

The closet in question has been a catch-all for crafts, wrapping paper and bows, all kinds of stuff that doesn't have a better home. I need that kind of closet, but this one hasn't yet been set up to function as effectively as it needs to. So out everything came (and some of it won't go back in) including the ineffective shelving system. I patched up the old holes, painted it so it looks crisp and clean, and when new shelves are installed, I have hopes that my storage system will become just that - a system!

In the process, I couldn't help but notice something that frequently gets in the way of my organizing and/or clearing out. To clean up a mess, one almost always has to create - at least temporarily - a bigger mess! I'm so much happier living with a messy closet than I am with all the contents of that closet spread around the room! In fact, the bigger mess has proved to be a motivator. I wasted no time - slapping two coats of paint on that pup - just as quick as drying time would allow. And now I can't wait for the 'project guy' to put up the shelves so I can continue the clean-up process!

In the meantime, I'm trying - and it doesn't come easily to me - to clear and de-clutter other parts of the house. I stashed beads, findings, pliers, scissors, and other assorted signs of creativity out of sight this weekend, and I'm determined to find some clear desk space before this day is out. Where might all this clearing fever lead me?

I'm hopeful - always in spite of great odds and mail that brings too much paper into my life daily - that this time I'll do more than just clear, I'll create a system in which I continually ask myself 'do I really need to keep this now?' Hope on, hope ever!

Monday Moment for Health 4/9/07 Take a Break!

2007-04-16T08:47:00.000-07:00

My students are on spring break this week. They care for kids either before or after school, so during school vacations, they either are off work altogether or they work twice as hard as usual because they care for kids all day long. Our classes - to prepare students to earn their School-Age Care Credential - are scheduled in the late morning between before- and after-school care. When school's not in session, my students would either have to take time off work or time off their vacation to attend class, and neither would be fair. So we schedule a break then too.

And I'm dancing for joy just as much as my students, I can tell you! Not only am I not teaching three different classes on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings, I'm not preparing for those classes or giving them any thought whatsoever! I am loving the break - even though I also love teaching the classes!

Now on this spring break, you won't find me on the road to someplace warmer. I'm still working in my home office as I do when I'm not on break. But with such a different attitude!

I'm attending to details that have been put off for weeks. I'm getting a good start on a new professional endeavor. I may even go so far as to sort, and clear, and file the swarm of paper that settles around my life and my office. I'll swim more often this week, and I'll go out to lunch with a friend. I'm practically giddy with all I'm doing this week that it doesn't feel like I have energy for on weeks when I teach!

As I noticed this vacation attitude creeping over me - while I'm pounding out work - I started reflecting on how healthy it is to take a break. A break helps us look at our work and our lives in a different, fresher, re-created way.

And while I fully recommend a week or two in the tropics, just about any kind of break is good for our souls. I frequently take "head vacation" breaks to imagine myself in the tropics, and those mini-breaks of just a few minutes are also good for my soul. At this time of year, I like to take "garden breaks" where I saunter around the garden marveling at what has sprouted today. I've even read where time or stress experts support just staring into space for five minutes at a time. I can do that!

However we take a break, we ought to remember just how good it feels and how much it helps. So we ought to do it more often! While I'm not a fan of MacDonald's they were definitely onto something when they said, "You deserve a break today!" You do! I hope you'll savor it as I'm savoring my break this week!

Monday Moment for Health 3/26/07 Transitions

2007-04-16T08:44:00.000-07:00

I once had a colleague who said, "If you have a day off, then the next day you'll have an off day." I've never been sure I share his definition of 'off', but certainly I regularly experience transition challenges when I travel, from weekend to weekday, from working on one project to working on another.

Today has been such a transition for me. I arrived home late this morning exemplifying what must have inspired the term 'red-eye' to describe an overnight flight. I was in Phoenix for work (and ticked off another state on my life list! Only 5 more to go!) and squeezed in a couple more days so I could actually see more than the square mile surrounding the conference hotel.

And come to think of it, I had no difficulty whatsoever transitioning from work to play. But play to work - ah that's a different matter. Especially when you add in a mostly sleepless night and time zone readjustment.

I've learned to anticipate a pokey re-entry into my lilfe - and accomodate it as much as I can. I try not to schedule anything major my first day or two home, and if I need to sleep, I sleep. Today I attended to only things that were absolutely necessary - and let the rest go until tomorrow. (Sending you Monday's Moment is necessary or I wouldn't be doing it now!)

I do find it helps to fully unpack the bags, throw in a load of laundry, glance through the pile of mail, and share any treasures I accumulated on my trip. My head isn't ready to be here, so why not revisit being there while it's fresh in my mind.

It also helps to savor the sweet things of home - such happy canine friends, nothing else at all that feels like my own bed, a cozy chat with my bestest bud. And just a hint of anticipation for the week to come. I don't pretend to do much about the week to come, but taking a peek helps soften the shock as it arrives full force tomorrow morning.

So, after a substantial nap today, a few experimental toots on my new Native American flute, a private showing of the trip's photos, and a quiet dinner prepared by my guy for his prodigal woman, I don't think I'd call this an 'off' day. I'd prefer to think of it as an 'extra' day - an investment that will pay off - surely - tomorrow! Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Monday Moment for Health - Learning from New Toys

2007-03-19T09:18:00.001-07:00

I'm typing today's message on my brand new laptop - an XPS M1210 from Dell - and the process of getting it up and running has been fraught with excitement, frustration, anxiety, fun, and - when I get over all the above, I'm certain there will be learning too.

Certainly I'll learn about VISTA and how to make use of its many features that now baffle me. I hope that I'll also retain a little learning from the set-up process. A few lessons so far.

1. New toys are fun. I should savor the whole thing from the UPS truck backing down the driveway, to opening the box, to setting a gorgeous photograph as my desktop. And I could try to be highly evolved enough to savor even the frustrating parts of a new toy.

2. Instructions rarely tell me everything I need to know - especially when something is new like VISTA - and compatability between Vista and programs isn't yet clear in the minds of people who should know.

3. Vista doesn't have to be capitalized like VISTA (Volunteers In Service To America as I was in 1975 and 76).Hmm... I apparently retain old information far longer than is necessary and maybe I need to dump some of that so there's room for new learning. Hmmm... This will bear thinking about.

4. I should ask for help sooner. DUH! How many times does that life lesson have to slap me in order for me to get it? I usethe excuse that I haven't always gotten good help when I have asked. But clearly Dell knows a lot of tricks about the inside workings of my little laptop than I ever will know. I should learn to seek people who know and not waste so much time trying to figure out what I haven't the tools to figure out. DUH!

5. When I do ask for help, I should not check my own brain at the door. Herman from Dell and I were on the phone for something close to 5 hours yesterday. Just trying to fix one little problem. Well it was a big problem. I couldn't get Internet Explorer to work. And neither could he. Finally at about 4 hours into the process, I asked, "Is it time to get more help?" And then he came up with a solution of starting over from scratch - and after that everything went much better - even though it didn't immediately fix the problem.

6. Buy a new computer before your old one dies - and don't be in a hurry to ditch the old one. I'd have been sunk! In deep mire! Fortunately, I still have an operable system - slow and cumbersome that it may be - that can augment the new until my learning reaches an as yet unforeseeable comfort level.

6. This too shall pass. Truthfully I can't say that I fully believe this one in my gut yet. Maybe I won't believe it until I can say it's time to put the old computer out to pasture. But for now, my head believes that the new will become accustomed, and I'm trying to listen more to the head than the gut for awhile.

There are probably dozens of other learnings too - but I don't have time to focus on them now. I have to get back to making this switch work!

I hope your week will also be filled with learning and fun new toys - but maybe without the need for a 5 hour customer service call!

More info on April's Telewebinar next week - when all the files are on the same computer ( I hope! )

Monday Moment - Medical Consultants

2007-03-05T09:22:00.001-08:00

Earlier this morning, I went for my tri-annual physical exam with my doc. It's one of those things I do to keep myself healthy - even though I can't say it's something I ever exactly anticipate with gladness.

I am of the generation that always had and always watched television, and whenever I'm scheduled to see my doc, I fear what I call the Marcus Welby syndrome. Do you remember all those dear old friends of Marc's who would go in to see him for something ever so minor and then receive a terminal diagnosis?

'Marc, this hangnail is bothering me.'

'Let's do some tests....oh dear, I don't know how to tell you this...'

Whenever I go to see my own doc, I've already made a visit with jolly old Doc Welby first. But I'm a firm believer in using the medical community as my consultants to help keep me well, and despite any old fears, I get myself to see my doc, to have my mammograms, to get my teeth cleaned and examined, to have my eyes checked, to monitor my bone density, and have regular bloodwork.

But certainly, I'm really, really glad when I've had a productive appointment, and the tapping, probing, and smearing are over!

Such is the case today. Hah! Take that Marcus Welby! My commitment to exercise raised my good cholesterol by 6 points and lowered my triglycerides by 30! I now have a plan to address the hot flashes that disturb my sleep, and a greater determination to add more food discipline to my wellness goals. And my doc says that at least on paper, I look like a woman half my age! Hah! I beat the Marcus Welby syndrome today - what could make me feel healthier?

Monday Moment - Travel Alive!

2007-02-26T08:29:00.000-08:00

One of the things that makes me feel alive is to observe, ask, and imagine how other people live.

Last week, I had the opportunity to spend a couple days in New York City - and I can't think of another place in this country that stirs my imagination more - and causes me to consider different ways of life from my own.

I was attuned to the differences I saw in a heightened way because of a chance encounter a couple weeks ago. While we were sitting waiting for a table at our favorite Italian restaurant in Canandaigua, a couple visiting from Manhattan came in. We struck up a conversation, and they asked what we'd recommend they do for fun in our town on the following day.

Well we all love where we live, but we couldn't think of much going on - that a couple New York City folks would enjoy - on a Sunday afternoon in February. We felt rather at a loss - and also a bit embarrassed by what we couldn't think to say.

So these folks were on my mind as I walked around the streets of lower Manhattan. There was certainly no lack of stimulation in their world. Public housing, stores of both the mom and pop and huge department varieties, vendors on the streets, a zillion restaurants, and oceans of humanity. Just walking was an adventure (and good for over 500 minutes of intentional exercise last week!)

But what's so intriguing for me, is to imagine how one's life is affected by such stimulation - and in different ways than the stimulation I experience of bright clean snow, watching ice sailors and fishermen, and planning a trip to our next big town when I can't find something I need to buy here in my own town.

I absolutely would never willingly change places with folks who live in New York City. It's not my place. But visiting there - observing and imagining all of those lives, wondering how these folks's lives are different and similar to mine - oh yeah, that makes me feel alive! Alive - and surprisingly connected to all these people I'll never know! And already looking forward to my next trip to somewhere entirely different from my own place in the world! Alive!

Monday Moment - Builing Social Connections

2007-02-19T09:16:00.000-08:00

In yesterday's paper, I saw a notice that is the best incentive to pay attention to one's social health that I've ever seen. A man had been found dead sitting in his chair in front of the television. He'd been dead for a year, but was fairly well preserved because of the dry air in his home. And the TV was still on.

Neighbors had thought he had gone into a nursing home or was visiting family. It wasn't until someone noticed burst pipes that anyone investigated. His wife had died some years before and he lived alone - died alone, and remained alone for a year before anyone noticed.

Well that notice grabbed at my attention - and firmed my goal (yes, still another goal) to build my connection with friends and family.

Just this weekend I ran into two folks with whom I used to sing every Sunday afternoon for years. I hadn't seen them in way too long - and there are too many people I know and enjoy but haven't seen in way too long.

It's too easy to let time go by and get absorbed in one's daily-dailies, and not reach out to stay connected with people that matter.

So it's time to act on my goal of having four dinner parties this year. I like sharing a meal with friends, catching up on their lives, talking about what we all hope for in the weeks and months to come. I like sitting around our table and building layers onto our feelings of connection with one another.

But it's easy to let months go by without inviting people in for dinner. It's easy to find excuses. The carpet needs cleaning, the dog is sick, the hallway needs painting, what will we cook? What's on television?

Oh wait. There could be time for television even after I die. Let's have folks for dinner instead. I'll give myself a couple weeks - but I think for this first dinner party of 2007, I'll invite our neighbors!

Monday Moment - Getting to the Joy End of the Continuum

2007-02-12T12:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a beautiful winter day and although my plan included going cross-country skiing to enjoy the beauty, I found myself delaying and procrastinating before I got myself out there. It was so tempting to sit by the fireplace and read the paper, maybe watch an old movie on tv, just sit.

Two things made me drag out my mittens and put on my boots.

Number 1: 300 minutes of intentional exercise a week. A great goal nags at you to do what you said you wanted to do. For the last six weeks, I've met my goal - and although I have yet to notice a single change in my body, I am bursting with pride in myself just for sticking with this plan of intentionally exercising 300 minutes each week. It will be a busy week so getting a good start to this week's 300 minutes was important. Great goals get you out!

The second motivating factor involved me nagging at my honey. "An hour outside would be good for you!" I said. "You've been working too hard. And it would be more fun for me if you came along." He can be a tough sale when he's got a big workload, but my nagging got him to put on his boots too. Support, company, added fun - all those things makes it easier to get off the couch too!

The rewards of our outing were rich. The sun was bright, the snow was squeaky with the cold, and the lake reflection bounced back arrows and winks of happy light. On the way home, our lungs glowing with the cleansed feeling of exertion in the cold, my honey said, "You forget how good you feel when you ski."

That made me think about the difference between last week's Monday Moment and what I'd write this week. Last week I wrote about not complaining about our winter weather. This week I'm writing about rejoicing in it. Now there's the difference between just not being sick and truly enjoying optimal wellness.

So many things in life seem to be on a continuum - and I like the end that's full of joy, wellness, and fun a whole lot better than just settling for the middle!

Monday Moment - Equipping Myself

2007-02-05T05:49:00.000-08:00

It's 3 degrees with a wind chill of -15 where I live. Brrrr...

Extreme cold with wind also means lake effect snows in my part of the world. Cold air collects moisture from Lakes Erie and Ontario and areas around us measure their snow in feet rather than inches. Lake effect snow happens mostly north of the NYS Thruway so we count our blessings that we live 6 miles south of that snowy boundary. We still get snow, but not like those intrepid souls further north by just 6 miles.

As you might expect the weather has been a major topic of conversation whenever and wherever folks gather. Much thought has been given to insulated boots, insulated sweatshirts, long underwear, and big thermos jugs of hot beverages.

And occasionally complaints have been registered. Funny thing, though. Even when I complain about the weather, it doesn't change.

I've been working on not putting energy where it doesn't count - like complaining about the weather - for at least 15 years. Stephen Covey introduced me to the idea in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and it made an impression. If I don't control something - like the weather or time or other people (even when I know what they should do) - then it does no good to put my energy there.

Instead I should put my energy where it does count - on what I control. And when it gets right down to it, the only thing I control is myself. Except I don't even control myself as much as I could and should! Hence my complaints about the weather.

But I am working on it! And remembering what I once heard adventure educator Craig Dobkin say, "There is no such thing as bad weather. There are only ill-equipped humans."

So my effort this week will be to equip myself to deal with all those things - and people - I do not control! No more complaints! I haven't got time. I have to focus on the really hard work of controlling myself!

Monday Moment - Committing My Goals to Paper

2007-01-29T08:44:00.000-08:00

It's still January so the topic is still goals. Finally by the end of last week, I was ready to commit my 2007 goals to paper. It's one more step in the process of squeezing more of what I want into this year.

Reflecting on last year's goals - what I achieved and where I fell short of my targets is the first step. Next I deeply contemplate what I want in each role that I play in my life - shapening myself, partner to my sweetie, writer, speaker/trainer/facilitator, coach, breadwinner (which has multiple mini-roles and projects since I piece together my income in a variety of ways) community member, adventurer, family member, and friend. As you know by now, that deep contemplation takes me the whole month of January.

Committing my goals to paper is the next big step of committing myself to my goals. For me that process also entails developing a "to do list template" that recognizes all the above roles that I play and serves as a daily reminder about my goals. I've found that it's not enough just to list my goals. I need a way to keep those goals in my face so I can't weasel out of giving them my attention.

I've never found a commercial planner that fits my particular visual needs - so I design and print my own every year. As you can imagine, buying a planner takes a lot less time than making my own - but my goals are worth that investment! Here's what my planner contains.

1. A vivid cover that shows all the hats I wear - and a few key extras. This year the extras are 300 (for 300 minutes exercise each week) ADVENTURE (for my monthly adventures with Ray plus an adventurous attitude), and BIRD BIO (for my annual family history gift to myself and my family.)
2. Monthly calendars - with my whole goal list printed on the back of the page. Gotta keep those goals in my face!
3. To Do List Templates - in my own visual style for each week of the year.
4. A back cover that lists my 2007 Telewebinar schedule and invites me to record our monthly adventures!

I'm sure I'll report on more of my goals throughout the year, and I'd love to hear how you focus your energies to achieving what you want in your life!